"You might meet someone who wants kids."

[Ladeeda]

Anytime I mention that I don't want to/won't bear children, I get this line. "What if the man you end up with wants kids?" Then he can get himself pregnant, or find another woman, cause we aren't for each other. Simple as that.

Why does everyone assume I'll change my mind--a logical decision based on my views of the current population, growth thereof, and (albeit limited) knowledge of pregnancy, birth, and related injuries--just because some GUY wants ME to ruin MY body so HE can continue HIS genetic line? I don't care about blood ties. They're only useful in determining a health history and potential hereditary problems. That's not going to change just because some dude with eugenics issues that I happen to be boning doesn't agree .

SIMILARLY, the assumption that I'm going to become a submissive little housewife as soon as I get a boyfriend. Fuck the shit out of that. He can make ME a sandwich.

END RANT!

[Ginger Tea]

And if its a case of 'Can't' and you have accepted this, then you get the "you can always adopt" speach.

Myself I don't have a baby factory, so I don't have to worry about anyone worrying about my biological clock ticking away, but I do get grief for still being single, I just point to my face and say "well this kinda scares em off" and my rarely used line "I like children, but I couldn't eat a whole one." although I can't remember who first said it, or atleast made it famouse/

[Ladeeda]

It's not. Far as I know, I'm fertile. I just don't WANNA.

I'd get some sort of sterilization if A) I had insurance that covered it, and B) I could find one that wouldn't totally screw with my hormones and brain chemicals. (That thing with the clips is out of the question, since I'm allergic to nickel.)

I fear the Pill. >>

Also, I'd be able to say "I can't bear children!" in all honesty. And probably make such nay-sayers feel VERY uncomfortable. MUAH!

[Andara Bledin]

That's not going to change just because some dude with eugenics issues that I happen to be boning doesn't agree .

I am laughing my ass off at this.

I've never wanted kids, and I've known this since I was 7. I think the only reason my co-workers don't ask me about it is that they've seen me around babies enough (gah, what is this fascination with babies that so many people have? it's like the whole world has to take a break while they lose all sense while they ogle the wrinkly little things) to know that the subject isn't open for debate.

I've never understood the overwhelming drive some people have to pass on their particular strain of humanity. Being related by blood doesn't actually mean anything beyond the fact that you shouldn't procreate together if you're too close.

Yeah, I'm not the maternal type, and nothing and nobody is going to change that fact.

^-.-^

[MaggieTheCat]

I remember an article that was posted here on Fratching right around the time that I joined about a woman in her 20s who wanted to get her tubes tied, and she couldn't find a surgeon who would do it for her. Thing was, she already was married and had 3 kids by her husband and they knew they didn't want anymore. Her surgeon, however, kept telling her, "You might find someone else someday who wants more kids."

I find that really friggin' insulting. She's already got 3 kids, which is reason enough to not want anymore...then to go and tell her she might find someone else besides her husband that she'd want to have kids with? I'd slap anyone in the face if they said something like that to me.

I agree it's a pretty ridiculous stigma that all women should want to bear children. I certainly don't. My husband wants them even less than I do. Fortunately, both of us have siblings with kids already so neither of our parents are pushing for the whole "but we want to be grandparents!" guilt trip (not that it'd do anything except make us pissed off at them.) Even thought they know we don't want kids, though, my mom every once in a while says, "You never know, in a few years you might change your mind, you can never say never."

[Ladeeda]

I'm more insulted by the implication that my decisions will be made by the future MAN in my life, and if they are different from his, they will change. Any guy who expected that isn't worth keeping.

[Ginger Tea]

I'm more insulted by the implication that my decisions will be made by the future MAN in my life, and if they are different from his, they will change. Any guy who expected that isn't worth keeping.

Speaking as a man yeah that does suck.

Frankly I just don't go out anymore so I would only find someone at work and most are 10 years younger than me, perhaps only going to be in the country let alone my work place a year and already seeing someone from work and thats how they got the job. so I'm not going to find miss right let alone miss right now.
And if any who over heard one conversation understood what I was on about regarding my stance on hardline anti abortionists, they would get the impression I must really NOT like children.

I won't say it here as I would probably get banned

[AdminAssistant]

I was never really crazy about the idea of having kids, but once Fiance and I started getting serious, he told me that he really wants to be a Dad someday. I've thought about it a lot, and we've discussed many times. And I've told him that if, later on, we're financially stable and I'm at a good point in my career, then we can try for kids. Either the old-fashioned way or adopted.

[Ginger Tea]

If you havn't changed your mind, give him the address of your local sperm bank, he can be a daddy all he wan'ts (although now sperm doner's have lost anonimity in most states and perhaps over here too there is the risk of being sued for alimony).

[AdminAssistant]

I'm pretty sure he actually wants to *raise* the children. I'm fairly ambivalent on the matter, but it's important enough to him that it warranted reconsideration. So, one day in the distant future, there will likely be little baby AA's crawling about.

ETA: We've also talked about what we'd do in case of an "accident." Gotta have a plan.

[Ginger Tea]

Resists a Something Positive link *

*Well a specific one

[Ladeeda]

Just an opinion, but if he's that set on being a father and you're not sure, ya'll might want to hammer this bit out before the wedding. If your answer is "No", that's going to cause a HUGE problem. Either he won't get the kids he wants, or you will get the kids you DON"T want.

Either way, someone is not happy. And it will strain, possibly ruin, the relationship.

[AdminAssistant]

*sigh* I thought I had made this clear. We've already had this discussion. We've already hammered this out. My answer is, "Yes under certain circumstances." He understands that I want to make sure that having a family will be compatible with my career, and he's even prepared to be a SAHD if need be (and he'd be great at it). What I was trying to get at is that, for us, this was a decision we had to make together. Or something.

Sorry for derailing the thread.

[Mytical]

I do think that it is a decision that should be made as a family. This is said by somebody who does not want children of his own, and for a very valid reason. I have a hereditary disease I would not want to pass on. I the type of person, however, that after explaining to my special other the problem..if they still wanted children I would be ok. I would also have no issue if they already have children.

If you absolutely do not want children, however, the best thing to do is find somebody like minded. A special others feelings on the matter should be considered, remember that a relationship often requires compromise.

[Ladeeda]

If you absolutely do not want children, however, the best thing to do is find somebody like minded. A special others feelings on the matter should be considered, remember that a relationship often requires compromise.

Think that's what I was saying, too.