"When You Have Kids-"

[blas87]

This has came up a lot at work lately. I have held back the best I can and just kept repeating that I hope to never have children, but it doesn't really work. It's hard to keep it in without screaming, but I've managed.

So far, in recent times, I have heard.

"When you have kids", your car will no longer be clean.

"When you have kids", your house/apartment will no longer be clean.

"When you have kids", you won't be wearing cute clothes anymore, nor will you have the body to wear them anymore.

"When you have kids", you won't have time to lay around and play online or go out with friends or shop like crazy.

While I do not agree with those statements, there is some truth to them, but those statements in general pissed me off because of the first part of all of those statements.

Just because you have kids and you choose to let your car be a mess, just because you don't clean your house or don't have time to, doesn't mean that everyone who has kids is a slob.

To me, I think my coworkers were grossly generalizing, or just thinking that only they were ones who did that, as parents.

Not every parent is a slob. Not every mother is out of shape or fat or frumpy. Not every parent has a disaster zone/biohazard house.

Kids are messy, that's something on that long list of mine that I hate about them. I have no desire to pick up after someone else's messes, as I already have to clean up after family members in a house I don't live in, and after lazy, messy second shift people. But I sincerely doubt that every single parent lets their house get to be beyond gross just because they have kids.

I also get the feeling that my coworkers were basically excusing their messy cars/houses because of, or blaming it on their kids. And using the excuse that they have kids as to why they dress frumpy or aren't in good physical shape.

Sure, your priorities (well, should) change as a parent. There's no way you can spend hours getting ready anymore, and it's likely your body won't be exactly the same as it was before you got pregnant, but to me, that's no reason to always look like a slob, and PLENTY of mothers look just fine and decently put together with me. They can multitask and time manage just fine.

Can someone please teleport all of my coworkers to a desserted island?

[protege]

I don't need kids to have a messy house. The cats always make things interesting--their toys are all over the house, and anything neatly stacked (such as papers in my office) doesn't stay that way for long

[Eisa]

For that matter, you can HAVE a messy house and not have kids! *looks around room* *cough* It's not like those are unique to parents...and not like all parents have them, so that's dumb.

[blas87]

I have plenty of single coworkers who have trashed homes and they either have kids who left the nest or they just live alone or with a roommate.

My apartment...dust city. I really need to get to that. And a closet that probably competes with Carrie Bradshaw's.

And yes, it breaks these people's hearts to know that I don't want kids.

[Boozy]

I thought of starting a thread exactly like this a while ago, but I never got around to it.

I know a few people who blame their slovenly appearance and dirty homes on their kids. For the record, I really don't care how other people look or live. But I always roll my eyes when I hear excuses.

99% of the time, these people looked like shit and had crappy homes before they had kids, too. They were blaming something else at that point - maybe the fact that they were in school, or broke.

The fact is, looking polished and having a clean home was never important to them. And that's perfectly fine. Just don't blame your children.

[blas87]

Thank you, Boozy. That was my last point in that little tirade of mine.

It speaks volumes when someone would blame their own children for their appearance or messy home.

[protege]

The fact is, looking polished and having a clean home was never important to them. And that's perfectly fine. Just don't blame your children.

My mom is constantly going on about how I need to clean the house 'better' or that there's too much 'clutter.' First off, the house is clean--the living room carpet looks like shit because it's old and I treat it as expendable. I clean up the occasional kitty puke and vacuum, but it still looks grubby. Second, the 'clutter' she speaks of consists of a vase in one of the living room windows, some diecast models displayed near the TV, and a couple of unpaid bills on the kitchen counter. Otherwise, most rooms (except for my office, that place is constantly messy) are pretty clean.

My point is, that I simply don't see the need to lose one's mind if the house isn't 100% sterile. I've seen places like that, and IMHO, it always feels a bit strange. I mean, do the residents actually live there, or is this some movie set?

[Greenday]

And yes, it breaks these people's hearts to know that I don't want kids.

It's because there will be no mini-versions of blas running amok.

I just tend to get rude with people who push this. Before they can even finish their sentences, it goes something like:

"When you have kids,..."
"I won't."
"Yea, but if you do have kids..."
"I still won't."

They usually just get frustrated that I refuse to let them finish their sentence and they give up.

[blas87]

I almost want to say "Do you really want me to reproduce? Do you want a bunch of ash blonde, doe eyed drooling idiots going around asking you if the Cilcione Valley is where all the people with plastic surgery live?"

-For the record, I did ask that question about the valley.

[Ginger Tea]

Work hasbanned me from becoming a parent
One of the office girls who used to work in the unit making salads and stuff asked me if I ever wanted kids, another woman over heard this conversation and we almost tripped over each other speaking about the thought of little me's running around.

[Boozy]

That's another thing I hate about this statement - the assumption that I'll be having kids any day now. These people must feel it's their duty to inform me about the inevitable, upcoming changes to my life.

It usually starts as a back-handed compliment. For example, someone will see that I've purchased an expensive article of clothing. Instead of saying, "That looks nice on you", they'll say instead "Enjoy the disposable income while you can, because when you have kids..."

It annoys me because I would love to have kids, but it hasn't happened yet, and it may never. Even if having children meant letting myself go, living in a dirty house, and never having money for anything fun (and I don't believe it necessarily does), I'd still do it. But I haven't been given that choice.

It would be really nice if people stopped crapping all over the things I can do in the meantime. Yes, I spend a lot of time at the gym, doting on my dogs, shopping, and eating out at nice restaurants. These are my life's consolation prizes, so for the love of god, let me enjoy it.

[Andara Bledin]

My point is, that I simply don't see the need to lose one's mind if the house isn't 100% sterile. I've seen places like that, and IMHO, it always feels a bit strange. I mean, do the residents actually live there, or is this some movie set?

I've never understood this, but my former mother-in-law was one of those people.

I once knocked over a glass of water on the new Scotchgard carpet and she had to run to get a bowl of soapy water to clean up the spill.

^-.-^

[AdminAssistant]

Huh, my mom, who had two kids, did a lot of work for the farm, and eventually got a job as a full-time teacher's aide, kept an impeccably clean house and vehicle. We didn't have a lot of new things, but we were always neatly dressed and clean, and, except when doing farm work, Mom has always looked nice. I mean, maybe it's a generational thing, but I don't see it.

My sister isn't a slob, per se, but she doesn't care as much as Mom did about cleanliness, especially with her car. But she doesn't go around looking sloppy and she certainly doesn't allow her son out like that (and keeping a 5 year old boy clean and presentable is no easy feat).

Personally, I need a somewhat neat house in order to be productive. I just can't concentrate and work in a messy house. If/when we have kids, I want to instill that in them. I'd rather teach them how to be neat and clean and let them make the decision to be slobs later on, than vice versa.

[Peppergirl]

Oh Lord!

I hope to God I was never like this.

I'm an average housekeeper and my kids are now grown, but truthfully I don't remember the house being THAT much more of a mess when they were little. Sure, I had alot more crap to pick up (toys and such), but the actual cleaning isn't all that different.

Maybe it was because I'm divorced now and my ex husband was a slob. Maybe I should have used THAT as an excuse instead of kids.

Kidding aside, I think it's shitty for people to blame their kids for cleanliness. The vast majority of people that i know who are slobs were ALWAYS slobs, kids or not.

[blas87]

I highly doubt you were, Pepper. I can't see you as a person whose house needs to be cleaned with the "hazmat" squad.

And plenty of people with kids go to the gym while their kids are at school or they go before/after work and they have plenty of time to spiff on the weekends, or *shocker* they get the kids to help with chores to earn money.

It's just looking for an excuse.

And back up to Boozy's last comments....I get that all the time as well! Especially lately since I've been spoiling myself a little-lot-okfinealot since I got my taxes back. Lots of backhanded comments like "Wow, it must be NICE to be able to go to a salon and get your hair colored!" or "Must be nice to be able to go shopping all the time!"

*For the record, I go long periods of time without going to the mall or clothes shopping, it's almost always when I have extra cash. Otherwise, times like last year, just to get out of the house and have something fun to do on a Saturday or Friday afternoon, I'd go to the mall and buy a shirt, a pair of jeans, and I'd do that once every or every other weekend. It really wasn't that expensive!

That is most likely jealousy, but hey, that's another reason I don't want kids. No extra cash to spoil myself with. Yeah, I'm selfish. I don't care.

And I love the gym as well. I'll quit going there when I'm flat broke. I don't care who teases me about spending hours there a week or eating out at nice restaurants with my bf on the weekends.