Online dating sites

[Depot Denizen]

I've come to really dislike them. Since I work third shift, my opportunities to meet & talk to women are fairly minimal, moreso because I don't do the bar thing. So, I try to use one of the online dating sites (OKCupid in this instance). I don't consider myself a bad guy, a creeper, or a jerkwad. My ex thinks very highly of me (I'd hope so since we've been living together after we split up.) We broke up because we were drifting apart, and it was a mutual thing that allowed us to become closer as friends. Anyway.

I get frustrated because I can't get replies. I'm not desperate, I message women that I genuinely have an interest in and try to say something somewhat witty to get their attention, you know, make it obvious that I read their profile. I know I'm bad at icebreakers, but I genuinely try to have something intelligent to say and not "lol ur hot go out wit me". I don't think I'm coming on strongly, either! Grrr. I don't get it. It's frustrating when I think there might be a possible connection, and I can't even get a "no thanks" out of it. Maybe it's my profile picture? I have no idea what I'm doing wrong or how to fix it.

[chozoghost79]

I've had that problem myself, and also a similar problem of the woman I meet in person not being interested in me after meeting them. Frustrating to say the least. Currently I don't worry about it too much, both online and IRL. But it seems in some cases the women on dating sites have high expectations and standards. See the commercial for Zoosk and you'll see it caters to that type, highlighting a 6'3" "male model/tough guy" type.

[Ginger Tea]

I joined one thinking it was tied into the local rag, but it was a national one, no problems there, just search cambridge and all is well.
To read messages I had to pay X a month, but I could send as many as I liked. My inbox is full of "you have new private message" notifications and as I joined another site (which I then found was a sister site to the other one) a few days later, I found 9/10 I would get notifications from both sites from the same person, this made me suspicious, thinking I would subscribe to the site to read the message only to find all 100+ messages are just spam saying "thank you for registering with us." so I ignored the site for a while, the 2nd I never even uploaded a pic or had any info in my profile, so how I was getting attention that way I don't know (hence the spam suspicions).

Come valentines day they give you the chance to read your inbox for free, so when I finished work I had a browse, both sites had identical messages from people and a vast majority said "I can't read my inbox but msg me via ..." I can read my inbox either.
I think I'll delete both profiles and do what I always do to attract women, stay in on the weekend.

[Boozy]

I get frustrated because I can't get replies.

I don't know how dating sites work, but I suspect that a lot of people post profiles and then abandon them. Perhaps they had a bad experience, or maybe they met someone and started dating them, or maybe they just put the profile up on a lark and never really wanted to do it.

You may just have some bad luck. I'd suggest messaging more women! Obviously, you should have some genuine interest in their profile. But maybe have a second look at the ones you weren't sure about at first.

Online matchmaking is successful because it plays the odds. You can meet hundreds of people you wouldn't otherwise know, if done right. Keep at it and you'll meet someone.

[Greenday]

Boozy, you can choose to view people who have only logged in recently so it's most likely not an abandoned profile.

Sometimes it's just that women get a shit ton of messages and have to sift through them all. Other times, I don't know. Lazy? Standards too high?

[joe hx]

I get frustrated with these too. Message women on okCupid, get no response. I've been thinking of trying Match since those women are (supposedly?) paying to be on there - hopefully since they're paying they'll be more likely to respond.

And screw eHarmony. They say "Sorry we can't find you a match!" Way to blow my self-esteem there. I know I can't find someone! And then they send me ads asking me to join. Um, no?

[guywithashovel]

The only site I've seriously tried is eHarmony. I took the personality test at Chemistry and created a profile, but I've never bought a subscription.

eHarmony has been okay. I've subscribed and unsubscribed a few times. I've communicated with a bunch of women, and I've met three in person. However, those three meetings never advanced past the first date.

And yeah, there are a lot of really picky people on these sites. Most of the participants don't seem willing to accept anyone who doesn't look like they crawled off the pages of an underwear ad.

Also, I have specified that I don't want to receive matches farther than sixty miles from me. However, after I tried to cancel my subscription once, I started getting matches from all over the globe! I'm getting sent profiles of women from Texas, Missouri, Canada, and even the UK! I'm sure many of them are great ladies, but if I 'm in Ohio and you're in Minnesota or Toronto, it just isn't going to work. I'm not buying a plane ticket for a date.

[Boozy]

Boozy, you can choose to view people who have only logged in recently so it's most likely not an abandoned profile.

Oh, I didn't realize that. I guess I thought OKCupid was like CS.com or something, where abandoned or seldom-used accounts are abundant.

I still think that Depot Denizen needs to play the odds and message as many interests as possible.

I don't believe in those "personality" tests that eHarmony uses. Those tests only tell you what someone believes they are like - not how they actually are. I think the success of dating websites results from the large pool of singles they bring together, as opposed to the idea that there is a "perfect" match out there. Someone looking for a relationship should just aim to talk to as many people as possible - in real life as well as online.

[Greenday]

Also, I have specified that I don't want to receive matches farther than sixty miles from me.

This pisses me off about OkC. I set it to within 25 miles and NYC pops up. I can assure you NYC is farther than a 25 mile drive. 52.5 miles according to google.

[Gravekeeper]

OkCupid is at least free, and pretty well set up for being free ( if not honestly better than many pay sites. ). eHarmony on the other hand is run by that bigoted Christian douchebag isn't it? -.-

[Greenday]

OkCupid is at least free, and pretty well set up for being free ( if not honestly better than many pay sites. ). eHarmony on the other hand is run by that bigoted Christian douchebag isn't it? -.-

I like seeing OkC's trends. They always seem to come up with interesting stuff.

And yes, eHarmony is run by that bigoted Christan douchebag.

[the_std]

OKC has always turned up good results for me. Some of my most successful relationships have come from that site. The sheer volume of people, plus the fact that it's free, makes connecting with people crazy-easy. But, by that same token, I am female and us women have it all our own way on that site. Even though my account is now inactive, I still receive about three messages every two days. Those demographics are pretty crazy.

[powerboy]

back when I was single, I had used OKC. It was okay. I met a woman, went on a couple of dates. Was later told that she wasn't interested in me. Met other women on there, had one date lined up, but I had cancel. Ofcourse she was understanding, but never had a date with her. But now I am married and happy. So I don't have to worry about that anymore

[Depot Denizen]

Hey, sorry for being quiet. Been busy here, oddly enough.

I've been messaging women that have been active, and close by. I don't do the long distance thing anymore so I'm pretty much just looking in my city area. What gets me as well is that these users "reply often" according to OKC's own thing.

I tried Match.com, and found that most women there don't reply either. I paid for an account for a few months to try it out and got bubkis. Then again, a lot of the women I messaged were looking for athletic guys. I'm fairly muscular, but I'm still heavy. Unfortunately it's kind of gotten me into the mindset that these particular women won't give you the time of day unless you're a ripped jock.

I ended up paring down my profile information, it seems that the users on OKC don't really look at you if you have more than a paragraph or two in each section, which is weird, but whatever. They use Match %s, so if they say you and X have a 96% match, that means that well, you look like a good fit.

I honestly don't think my messages are bad. Certainly not suggestive or corny. I try to write something that shows that I actually read the profile and want to talk. I know I shouldn't care, but it is frustrating when my opportunities to meet women are few and far between. So, unfortunately, unless a friend hooks me up or I end up talking to someone on OKC, I'm essentially stuck. Now, I don't -need- a girlfriend right now, but it would be nice to at least have the opportunity to meet women and maybe make a few friends, right?

Eh, maybe I'm just aiming out of my league. I thought I was going to hit it off with a friend of mine, but she, unfortunately is a combination of super-busy, procrastination, and forgetfulness. Sucks too because she and I get along really well, she's just...completely unreliable.

[Greenday]

I know they have a small forum on there. Maybe post a link to your profile in the one forum and ask for advice.

For the whole long paragraphs thing, you have to balance being able to describe yourself and make yourself look interesting with tl;dr. If I go to someone's profile and it looks like a giant wall of text, plus nothing pops out at me immediately in either the entire pofile or the first few sentences...screw it. There are certain things I look for. You have kids or really want kids? Not doing shit with your life? Drugs? Smoker? You think the Earth is bigger than the Sun? (It blows my mind how many people say the Earth is bigger) Your grammar is trash? You claim to be some artist who is going to make it big but won't do any work in the mean time to support yourself (a.k.a. you are unrealistic)? Etc. etc.. Any of those things to me signal: NO

I recently had changed my profile and made it sound less...lame. Instead of just putting the stupid generic stuff everyone has, I gave my profile more of an attitude. When I see profiles which are just plain random or crazy, it interests me.