Cheaters (ranty)

[BlaqueKatt]

Otherwise, what gives? if you are a single woman and interested in me, you have no obligation to my wife to not sleep with me. That's MY RESPONSIBILITY.

sorry but if I expect others to respect my marriage/relationships-it's hypocritical of me to have zero respect for anyone else's.

[Andara Bledin]

Otherwise, what gives? if you are a single woman and interested in me, you have no obligation to my wife to not sleep with me.

It's called basic respect for social boundaries. Plus, a person can't cheat alone - the cheatee is an accomplice, and if they know the cheater is cheating, they're also culpable in the act. They don't get a free pass because they don't happen to be involved themselves.

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

It's called basic respect for social boundaries. Plus, a person can't cheat alone - the cheatee is an accomplice, and if they know the cheater is cheating, they're also culpable in the act. They don't get a free pass because they don't happen to be involved themselves.

^-.-^

Actually they do, because they didn't do anything wrong. The cheater is married. They swore a vow to only have sex with one person. The cheatee didn't. The cheatee is doing nothing wrong.

[patiokitty]

My moral compass is set such that if I KNOW the other party is married or otherwise involved then they are off limits. Back before I realized that I was poly I would never dream of getting involved with anybody else if I was engaged in a monogamous relationship - as soon as I started contemplating looking outside of that relationship I knew it was time to end things.

If I were willing to be involved with a married man whose spouse had no idea I was sleeping with the husband then I would be just as guilty as the cheater. I refuse to knowingly help a person cheat on their spouse because then I would be doing something wrong. If you knowingly help a person cheat you ARE just as guilty as the cheater.

I have no use for anybody that will knowingly aide and abet a cheater, especially if that person happens to be the girlfriend/boyfriend on the side. Ever since my own experience with being the other woman (unknowingly) I have made it clear to any partner I may have that if they are in another relationship that they are off-limits until I talk to the other person they are involved with to find out if they really are okay with the idea of open relationships and if they are comfortable with me being sexually involved with their partner - face to face conversation because it's too easy to fake over the phone. If my potential play partner is not willing to abide by this then they don't get to play with me at all, and I will spread the word through the local community that Buddy is playing w/o the permission of his regular partner/spouse. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Hyena Dandy]

(bullshit because it never is)

Sometimes it is. Not all cheaters are serial cheaters.

[Andara Bledin]

Actually they do, because they didn't do anything wrong. The cheater is married. They swore a vow to only have sex with one person. The cheatee didn't. The cheatee is doing nothing wrong.

By that reasoning, the person driving the get-away car has no culpability as regards the bank robbery they're driving away from.

Utter rubbish and yet another way to abdicate personal responsibility.

^-.-^

[the_std]

I will throw my hat into the ring for hating on serial cheaters, but I will not advocate blanket-hating all cheaters. It would be nice to say that it's all bad, but life is way too complicated for that. Individual situations need to be reviewed on their own. Yes, it will always suck when someone gets hurt. If it can be avoided, I would completely support trying to avoid it. Things are not that black and white.

Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who has been cheated on by multiple people. Yeah, I hated every second of that situation. But I'm not going to go so far as to say that cheating is always the worst thing ever. That is an over-generalization.

[Greenday]

People who have sex with men or women who they know are married are just as big of douchebags as those who cheat. Even moreso since they are basically out to ruin a marriage and/or relationship.

It's interesting to hear why people cheat. It never just seems to be done on a whim.

[Racket_Man]

one thing I forgot to mention. My Ex FORCED our daughter to LIE continiously to me about all of the 'stuff" going on. seems like everyone BUT me knew she was going on and out

[DrFaroohk]

By that reasoning, the person driving the get-away car has no culpability as regards the bank robbery they're driving away from.

Utter rubbish and yet another way to abdicate personal responsibility.

^-.-^

Thank god we're not arguing about bank robberies! Seriously though, one has nothing to do with the other. You can't compare them. Robbing a bank is ILLEGAL. It is also ILLEGAL to accomplice said bank robbery. totally different things.

[Ladeeda]

If the person a married (or very attached) individual is cheating with knows the other person is married and the SO doesn't know, they are responsible as well.

Of course, I also think any cheating should be preempted by a conversation relating to the reason said cheater is going to cheat. If they just aren't monogamous, that should be (or have been) brought up a lot sooner, but better late than never. If there just isn't enough or any sex going on, and the SO has no interest in having additional sex or even providing the odd handjob/oral, they should be forewarned. There are risks involved, and the SO should know that risk factor is about to go up.

And if cheating is not something the person can tolerate, they can end the relationship/separate, divorce, whatever.

It's the lying, IMHO, that's worse that the sexual aspect.

[blas87]

I think it's almost....obtuse to believe that the "other woman" (or "other man") shouldn't be responsible for a person's fidelity. That argument is just not solid.

It really says something about a person's morals (or lackthereof) if they knowingly persue a taken person. And I'm not talking about someone who secretly pines for a taken person or who has a crush. I am talking about a person who knowingly persues a taken person to the point of trying to engage them in sexual activites, or even other things like to get them to spend time with them more, buy them stuff, etc etc etc, it goes on and on.

[Andara Bledin]

Thank god we're not arguing about bank robberies! Seriously though, one has nothing to do with the other. You can't compare them. Robbing a bank is ILLEGAL. It is also ILLEGAL to accomplice said bank robbery. totally different things.

Excellent way to completely and utterly miss the entire point of the analogy.

By the way, there are still at least a dozen states with adultery laws on the books, in which some specifically note that both parties are at fault even if only one is married. So, depending on where you are, it just may be ILLEGAL to commit adultery and ILLEGAL to be the other party committing adultery.

If you're going to nitpick a tertiary point, at least do a little research to determine whether your nitpick is accurate.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

Thank god we're not arguing about bank robberies! Seriously though, one has nothing to do with the other. You can't compare them. Robbing a bank is ILLEGAL. It is also ILLEGAL to accomplice said bank robbery. totally different things.

Sure you can compare them. First, Andara Bledin already pointed out adultery is illegal in multiple states.

Also, both are wrong, plain and simple. Aiding someone in doing something wrong, legal or not, is wrong in itself.

[Sarah Valentine]

I think it should be illegal in all states. If you don't love your boyfriend/girlfriend leave them, the same goes for married people if you don't love your husband/wife divorce them. Cheating shows that not only do you not love the person any more but you have a complete and total lack of respect for that person, that you don't give a shit how they feel. Don't get it yet? How would you feel if you found out your significant other cheated on you? You would think the same thing, you would feel betrayed, angry, stupid, disrespected, you would lose all trust and respect for that person, not to mention that if you have a family it would suffer because your sneaking around a lot instead of spending time with them. Cheating is NOT ok.