Cheaters (ranty)

[kibbles]

A lot of things are and should be illegal, but as wrong as cheating is I don't think it should be illegal. JMO

[Andara Bledin]

Same here. I don't really think adultery should be a crime. The most it should be in the eyes of the law is in relation to marriage, which is a contract issue.

^-.-^

[kibbles]

I agree with that..illegal in the sense of how it relates to the marriage contract, but not a crime.

[AdminAssistant]

If it were a crime, both my mother and me would be in jail right now. She had an affair many years ago. I'm not angry at her, nor do I blame her. My father is an alcoholic and can be a real jackass. Yes, they should have just got a divorce (they will probably do so in the near future), but it can be *really* hard to leave someone, especially if kids are involved.

In my case, I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who manipulated me into sex constantly. A real jerk. So, at my high school graduation party, I had a little too much to drink and a contact high, and I spent the night making out with a good friend (who also had a psycho SO, but he married her). I did break up with him shortly after, but it took that one-time incident of cheating to realize that I could do better than the jackoff I was with.

[dendawg]

I think it should be illegal in all states. If you don't love your boyfriend/girlfriend leave them, the same goes for married people if you don't love your husband/wife divorce them. Cheating shows that not only do you not love the person any more but you have a complete and total lack of respect for that person, that you don't give a shit how they feel. Don't get it yet? How would you feel if you found out your significant other cheated on you? You would think the same thing, you would feel betrayed, angry, stupid, disrespected, you would lose all trust and respect for that person, not to mention that if you have a family it would suffer because your sneaking around a lot instead of spending time with them. Cheating is NOT ok.

Yea, it's real easy and black on white on the "moral" side of the fence, isn't it?

Yes, I was one of those so-called abominations to humanity referred to as a "cheater." For the better part of ten years, I endured the emotional abuse (and dont' try to kid yourselves otherwise, that's exactly what it was) of my ex-wife telling me on at minimum a weekly basis, telling me that I was eventually going to leave her for another woman, and whenever I dared complain, it was passed of as a "joke." My feelings about this "joke" never mattered, as no matter how much I complained about it, it still continued. Small wonder that I withdrew emotionally from the relationship, and spent most of my free time on the computer.

Yes, eventually I did find someone, however inadvertently. See, I never actually took my ex-wife's advice to go find somebody else, it found me. Yes, I do realize I didn't have to succumb to temptation, but if you've been deprived of something that's been missing from your life for quite some time you most likely would cling to it too. Yes, I could have left my ex-wife then, but there was part of me that still thought things could be worked out. Poor, naive me, eh?

Well, I'm sure there are some of you that expect me to be remorseful for the end of my marriage, but actually, I'm glad to be free. In my current love, I find all the unconditional love, support, intimacy, blah blah blah, that I haven't had in my marriage for some years now. She told me I was going to leave her for somebody else. True, I didn't have to succumb, but neither did she have to drive me away by telling me that as often as she did. She reaped what she sowed, and for better or for worse I'm happier without her.

So hold me in contempt if you must, but don't dare judge me until you've walked in my shoes.

All others who still wish to hate, I have this to say. To paraphrase Cleveland Brown from the Family Guy Episode "Love Blactually,": "If you don't like it, you can go f**k yourself!" (not directed at the quoted reply, but haters in general)

That's all.

[Racket_Man]

Dendawg, you sound a LOT like me after the Ex left for the last time. I was a bit niave at the time also hoping that "it could be worked out" but it was too far gone to fix. and I broke cleanly and really have never looked back.

I too have had the "luck" of someone finding me instead of going out to look. I am very happy with the person I am with now (long term committed relationship). she found me right around the time of the split with Ex.

I have no regrets

[blas87]

I think at one time I was a cheater. I'm still not even sure the technicalities of it, because we were broken up but still kinda together? Right before my 21st birthday, my first serious boyfriend wanted a "break".....he said he'd get a hold of me in 2 weeks.

Well, two weeks went by, I got to be 21 and went out with friends and arranged to meet a guy at the bar and we ended up going out to eat and I stupidly went to his place. We kissed but I stopped before anything else happened.

Oddly enough, days after that, the bf called and wanted to end stuff anyways after having some time to think.

[Boozy]

I'll probably get flayed alive for saying this, but I really don't think screwing around on a boyfriend or girlfriend when you're really young counts for much. Romantic relationships between people under the age of 21 or so are generally assumed to be casual and temporary. Cheating on them isn't a nice thing to do, but everyone involved usually grows up and gets over it.

There's a big difference between cheating on a high-school boyfriend and your husband or wife to whom you have pledged enternal fidelity.

[blas87]

I'm inclined to agree with you to a point, Boozy.

Although at both high schools I went to, there were couples that had been exclusive since as far back as midde school or freshman year, so that was a tad more serious than people who just dated around.

[Boozy]

There will certainly be exceptions to the rule. Everyone knows a long-time married couple who started out as high-school sweethearts.

Although I suspect that those are the people who have learned forgiveness early on.

[Greenday]

I think at one time I was a cheater. I'm still not even sure the technicalities of it, because we were broken up but still kinda together? Right before my 21st birthday, my first serious boyfriend wanted a "break".....he said he'd get a hold of me in 2 weeks.

Well, two weeks went by, I got to be 21 and went out with friends and arranged to meet a guy at the bar and we ended up going out to eat and I stupidly went to his place. We kissed but I stopped before anything else happened.

Oddly enough, days after that, the bf called and wanted to end stuff anyways after having some time to think.

I could have sworn "take a break" was code for "I want to hook up with someone else, but if we are 'on a break', it won't count!"

[patiokitty]

I could have sworn "take a break" was code for "I want to hook up with someone else, but if we are 'on a break', it won't count!"

I know that is the same meaning I always took that as having. As soon as a boyfriend or girlfriend had said that to me I knew the relationship was as good as over. I also learned that it was not a good idea to get obviously involved with somebody first because all hell would break loose despite the other party going around and screwing whoever they pleased. I would discretely date during the 'break' time because inevitably (in my case) the other party that had wanted the break would officially break up with me in the end.

I've also used that same line when getting out of a relationship where the boyfriend would have gone ballistic if he'd realized I was leaving with no intention of coming back. When he realized I wasn't coming back things got bad enough that I had to go into hiding with my son...and that was almost a year after I'd left. He and I had kept in touch but I had made no promises about ever coming back and he never asked...I think he just assumed that I'd move back in. Um, not when drugs and alcohol were ruining him and a large factor in me wanting my then-six-yo son and I the hell away from him.

[DrFaroohk]

lol that's another mentality I've never understood, and I see it all the time.

Boy meets girl.

Boy dates girl.

Boy breaks up with girl.

Boy fucks some random chick at a party.

Boy misses girl.

Boy and girl get back together.

Girl finds out about random chick . "YOU CHEATED ON ME!"

Umm no. If you're not "TOGETHER", you're not cheating. That'd be like saying I cheated on my wife with the girls I slept with before I ever met her.

[Andara Bledin]

I could have sworn "take a break" was code for "I want to hook up with someone else, but if we are 'on a break', it won't count!"

Usually. Very rarely, it can mean, "I need some time to breathe without you," but those also often end up in breakups.

^-.-^

[muses_nightmare]

I'll probably get flayed alive for saying this, but I really don't think screwing around on a boyfriend or girlfriend when you're really young counts for much. Romantic relationships between people under the age of 21 or so are generally assumed to be casual and temporary. Cheating on them isn't a nice thing to do, but everyone involved usually grows up and gets over it.

There's a big difference between cheating on a high-school boyfriend and your husband or wife to whom you have pledged enternal fidelity.

I'd disagree with this, it's like saying that someone's feelings about the relationship don't matter because of their age. Also why specifically 21?

Also, I'd like to point out that sometimes those relationships aren't causal at all. I was 16 and my boyfriend was 19 when we started going out, I'm 24 and he's 27 now. Casual and temporary my ass. I'm fully a monogamist, I didn't do a lot of dating around when I was younger at all, maybe I'm lucky because I didn't have to but, you can't assume that every relationship that starts out when someone is young isn't going to last.

Cheating is cheating, and yes there are circumstances where it's not quite as bad, but I don't think age is a big deciding factor in that. The amount of time you've been in the relationship matters though, a 2 week relationship break up isn't as big a deal as a 5 year one and so forth.