My reaction to Mr. Rum's "new" physique

[Boozy]

If you "leave" him, do not leave that house. It is at least half yours, and entirely your daughter's. He may earn the salary, but you are keeping his home and raising his child.

Talk to a lawyer before you make any decisions.

[Greenday]

"Falling out of love" with someone is not a reason to divorce them.

No, I'm pretty sure that's a great reason for it. I mean, you get married because you are in love. So it's pretty logical that you get divorced because you are no longer in love.

[AdminAssistant]

My parents have finally divorced after a 35 year long unhappy marriage. I can say with certainty that my sister and I would have had a better, happier life if they had divorced a long time ago. Mom didn't leave for the same reasons as you. Although she worked, she didn't feel that she made enough of a salary to support us, she worried that Dad would get the kids, and, also, she worried about the social stigma. It took a series of really traumatic events for her to finally leave and them to agree to divorce. Don't let it go that far, if not for you, then for ChildRum. If her parents aren't happy, then she will sense that, and it will affect her.

Mom was able to get into government housing (which is actually pretty nice in my hometown) and is currently taking in ironing to pay bills. It's entirely possible for you to make it without him.

[telecom_goddess]

I've been following this...and just don't know what to add. You would probably be happier without him but yeah it's tough to leave when you have no job/home etc and want to keep the child.

The only thing I can think of is ....maybe find a job if you can and can get decent child care...without that breaking the bank of course.

And falling out of love with someone is certainly grounds for divorce, it's called irreconcilable differences.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

It might be grounds for divorce, but the reality is that if she leaves him, and has no job, then the child will more than likely end up with a man who so far has not shown any interest in raising her, and be at the mercy of a family that has shown repeatedly they are not sensitive to her needs and safety.

[MaggieTheCat]

Rummy, my suggestion would be to start documenting stuff that your husband and his side of the family does that is irresponsible toward ChildRum. I've read plenty of your posts over the last couple of years where you are visiting your ILs or they are visiting you and they do something stupid and you have a scare with ChildRum. Start documenting that stuff, maybe it will help your case if push comes to shove and you need to show that ChildRum would not be safe living with your husband or his family.

I honestly have no idea how well it would hold up in actual court. But I don't think it's going to hurt to start taking notes.

[IDrinkaRum]

I had an awesome dream last night. I dreamt that I banned MiL from Child Rum's life forever and told Mr. Rum that if he didn't like it, he could just leave.

I'm working on my Great American Novel. XD Someday it'll make it from my head to the computer to the printer and some place that will publish it.

Another thing that doesn't help is the depression that catches hold of me and won't let go. My house is a wreck mainly because I look at it and either think: "Who gives a crap about this?" or I think: "There's too much work to do by myself and no one will help me." (Which is true, even when I ask Mr. Rum to help, like say clear the living room and I'll clear the dining room, he wants me holding his had in case he throws something away that he shouldn't. I say "When in doubt, put it aside and ask me later". Oi. Drives me nuts).

[IDrinkaRum]

Happy Effing Father's Day

Today has been a screw up since we all woke up at 6:00 AM this morning.

I am thisclose to just leaving in the middle of the night.

Mr. Rum lost the second wedding band I got him. (He lost the original one last year and then I got him another one - much less expensive - $100 - for his birthday in May). And he doesn't understand why I'm so angry.

Between him and my daughter obsessing about things we have no control over, I'm at my wits end.



I think the camel's back has been broken for the last time.

[SkullKing]

If it is broken for the last time, what do you intend to do?

anyway, good luck.

[Sarah Valentine]

Mr. Rum lost the second wedding band I got him. (He lost the original one last year and then I got him another one - much less expensive - $100 - for his birthday in May). And he doesn't understand why I'm so angry.

I know for a fact if me and Bill get married he'll end up freaking out as much as I would over a lost wedding ring, he would end up tearing the whole house apart. The fact that he isn't upset over losing it twice is a bad sign.

[Boozy]

The fact that he isn't upset over losing it twice is a bad sign.

I agree, but only to an extent.

A lost wedding ring is only a big deal in bad marriages. If my husband or I were to lose our wedding bands, I really don't see either of us freaking out on the other. We'd just get the band replaced. A lost ring doesn't mean that he doesn't care about our marriage. I know that.

In good marriages, you let go of the small things.

In Rum's case, her husband's misplaced wedding ring has come to symbolize his entire attitude towards his family. She's rightfully upset about the attitude. The ring is just a symbol of that for her.

[Greenday]

I agree, but only to an extent.

A lost wedding ring is only a big deal in bad marriages. If my husband or I were to lose our wedding bands, I really don't see either of us freaking out on the other. We'd just get the band replaced. A lost ring doesn't mean that he doesn't care about our marriage. I know that.

In good marriages, you let go of the small things.

In Rum's case, her husband's misplaced wedding ring has come to symbolize his entire attitude towards his family. She's rightfully upset about the attitude. The ring is just a symbol of that for her.

I think it's more that he doesn't seem to care that much that he lost it, not so much that he lost it.

[blas87]

I agree with Greenday and Boozy.

My own dad has lost his wedding band multiple times. He had a long-time factory job where they couldn't wear any type of hand jewelery (similar to my job), and one day he couldn't remember where he put it before he went to work. Another time, he lost it while hunting, and I think he also lost it while gardening. But he cared enough to replace it.

[Greenday]

Exactly, I wouldn't wear one to work considering what I work with. The chemicals I work with on a daily basis would destroy it.

[IDrinkaRum]

Mr. Rum works for the Federal Government as a Financial Manager. So unless he's literally wrestling with staplers, staple removers, calculators, and other various office supplies, there is no danger to his fingers and/or wedding ring.

He things he lost it while either cycling or lifting weights.

He claimed this morning that he stopped by the gym to see if it had been turned in yet. He claims he's going to inquire about it again this evening. (I'm not impressed. Mondays are when he normally goes to the gym in the evening anyways).

Right now. I'm ... just numb. I don't know why. I just feel an emptiness inside of me.