One-SIded Compromise

[Glados]

I am so tired of being expected to sacrifice everything I want/value for the sake of my family because I am the wife/mother. If I dare vent to anyone I get the "that's what a marriage is" speech. I don't remember agreeing to give up everything that hubby does not like or agree with when we got married.

For example, Hubby has been wanting a smartphone but money is very tight. I spent two months worth of what little I am able to get into savings to buy him one because he really wanted it. I did it for him even though I would have preferred not to.

Yesterday, I tried to buy a sandbox for the kids. We went to the store we usually go to but the employee was extremely rude and refused to process our order. (we tried to buy a few DVDs as well for the kids and one of the kids movies was unrated, the policy on unrated is to check ID as if it were rated R, because it was for a minor they would not sell it to us...it was a cartoon of super mario bros.) I tried to resolve the issue with the store but they would not budge. I was quite upset and wanted to go to another store and purchase the sandbox. We went but hubby does not care for the other store so he berated me the entire time we were there until we left without buying anything.

The worst is that it all makes me feel like I am being an over-emotional nutcase to get upset about a sandbox but I am just tired of giving and giving and being told no the few times I want something. (there are many other examples than this)

[HotelKatz]

You're not being overemotional.

You need a hug or three.

[Andara Bledin]

You're not upset about the sandbox. The sandbox is just a symptom of a much larger problem for which the sandbox has now become a symbol in your mind.

Honestly, if you're getting nothing from him, I would suggest that you stop giving up things on your end.

Also, if you haven't already, contact corporate for the store about the rude employee... That was totally uncalled for.

^-.-^

[Glados]

I did e-mail corporate and I got a "sorry but a policy is a policy" response. I fully understand that not rated DVDs may be inappropriate for those under 17 but common sense should prevail at some point.

[LexiaFira]

compelled to post as I see the same in you as I am going through.

would ask what is hubs problem that he has to berate you for small things like that and you work way harder than he does BECAUSE you are wife and mother.

this is speculation but perhaps there is a bigger problem with hubs that he is unconsciously covering with anger? Still very much understand that not getting just some tiny form of want, need or assurance that things are ok. such as just being told hey thanks for doing a task that you do every day, being told thanks once in a while is nice.

[telecom_goddess]

I don't understand why you, as an adult, couldn't buy the unrated dvd. What you do with it after you buy it is NOT their business. It's not like buying beer or cigarettes or something.

And yeah you work just as hard as he does and with small kids even harder. Don't buy him anything until he is willing to give you something you want for once.

[anakhouri]

Honestly, if this is a pattern, then I think you should set the husband down and tell him you are partners and he needs to respect your decisions too. And if you're on a budget, no one gets a Smartphone, and he can suck it up.

And if you have separate accounts, and you want something reasonable, get it. He can say what he likes but it's your money too.

[MadMike]

Your husband sounds a lot like my ex. She'd always preach about "compromise", but apparently she thought "compromise" means "she gets her way and I have to give in 100%."

Just one of many reasons I'm glad to be rid of her almost 15 years now.