Being Trash-Talked

[telecom_goddess]

Wow getting drunk again and doing what he did with a broken leg just proves he is an idiot and will never grow up.

Wow. And he doesn't understand why you left? Really?

[blas87]

My friend said on the phone that she interpreted it that he's not really livid or angry with me, that he's confused and doesn't understand why I would have given up on him.

Not that I'm going to feel guilty about this, but I can understand why he'd feel that way. Imagine getting away with all he has and me always just sticking by him all this time, and then one day, I grow a pair of big hairy balls and tell him I'm done, goodbye. It's a shocker for someone who is used to always getting their own way and being able to do what they want.

She said she doesn't think they'll be hanging around him much anymore, because it was too much of a chore to babysit him and tote around his stuff for him while he was perfectly capable of drinking and hopping around doing whatever he wanted, so they were upset that he wanted help toting stuff around and just expected them to do it for him.

I will say, just for the record, I never bailed him out of jail (that was never an option anyway because probation violations do not allow bail here) and the only times I bought him stuff, I chose to. I never paid for him to go out drinking or anything extravagent. I paid for us to eat and maybe bought him drinks here and there because I chose to, but he knew better than to try and make me pay for him. I only paid for stuff for him when I wanted to. And believe me, if I was against what he was doing money-wise, I didn't budge and he didn't press. But don't think he didn't give me shit for being "selfish" and "cheap" and a "penny pincher".

I'm so glad I never got a place with him. Imagine me being stuck having to pay everything all over again, just like last time I lived with someone. Nuh uh. Not doing it.

[aurelemsrealm]

Wow, you definitely had more patience with him than I would have had given what you've posted. It sounds like he is one of those people who is going to have to learn the hard way. Good luck getting on with your own life.

[blas87]

It gets better.

When he first got into the accident, it was his sister (out of state) who called me, and kept me updated as to what was going on, since I'm not family and wouldn't have known any other way.

I know it's my word versus hers, but that day, she asked me what I was planning to do once he was formally charged with felony DUI and all that great stuff. I told her I didn't know.

SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF I DIDN'T STICK AROUND, THAT SHE WOULD NOT STICK AROUND SOMEONE IF THAT HAPPENED TO HER.

Now, she hasn't trash-talked me the way others have lately, but she liked a statement he also liked today that said "A real friend is someone who walks in when everyone else walks out".

THANKS a lot.

Is anyone ever going to get sick of twisting that old rusty knife that's been stabbed into my back? Or is it still just that fun to keep taking a turn twisting it now and then?

IDK, perhaps she may be upset because I *tried* to stay, and it gave him false hope, and then up and left. But whatever, I still don't want to let anyone make me feel bad.

I really should delete him.....because now he's trying to "buy" my friends (that were mine first) away from me, by continually posting on their Walls that he has free tickets to this or can get them in at this party or this event. Rawr, can't he just get fucking arrested already for bail jumping?!

And he's so immature, he keeps adding more and more "friends" every day.

If only I had been able to see from the beginning just how immature and childish this boy really is. Then I wouldn't have wasted nearly three years of my youth on him!

[HotelKatz]

Delete him from your life. You'll be happier.

[Hyena Dandy]

Huzzah for Blas!

Let us drink in celebration. I only have one thing to point out before the celebrations continue.

A lot of people will like anything they see on facebook without really processing it.

That said...

WHOOOOOOOOOOO. No more Blas's guy. Partytime

[SkullKing]

It gets better.

When he first got into the accident, it was his sister (out of state) who called me, and kept me updated as to what was going on, since I'm not family and wouldn't have known any other way.

I know it's my word versus hers, but that day, she asked me what I was planning to do once he was formally charged with felony DUI and all that great stuff. I told her I didn't know.

SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF I DIDN'T STICK AROUND, THAT SHE WOULD NOT STICK AROUND SOMEONE IF THAT HAPPENED TO HER.

Now, she hasn't trash-talked me the way others have lately, but she liked a statement he also liked today that said "A real friend is someone who walks in when everyone else walks out".

THANKS a lot.

Is anyone ever going to get sick of twisting that old rusty knife that's been stabbed into my back? Or is it still just that fun to keep taking a turn twisting it now and then?

IDK, perhaps she may be upset because I *tried* to stay, and it gave him false hope, and then up and left. But whatever, I still don't want to let anyone make me feel bad.

I really should delete him.....because now he's trying to "buy" my friends (that were mine first) away from me, by continually posting on their Walls that he has free tickets to this or can get them in at this party or this event. Rawr, can't he just get fucking arrested already for bail jumping?!

And he's so immature, he keeps adding more and more "friends" every day.

If only I had been able to see from the beginning just how immature and childish this boy really is. Then I wouldn't have wasted nearly three years of my youth on him!

I honestly think you should just let it go, stop watching what he does on FB. I undertand this is difficult since he has been a part of your life for 3 years. But let it go.

As for they "liking" the phrases, maybe it is nothing, they just liked the phrases(I liked the second one). So it means you aren´t his friend. So what?

you were a good girl friend for a long time. Now you are not, and you are better off for it.

I think you should see this as victory on two fronts.

1: you got rid of him.

2: you finally got him to see how luck he was to have you(since he is dwelling so much on loosing you.

[ExRetailDrone]

I agree with the others, try to move on and put him behind you completely. I say this from experience.

I had a horrible break-up when I was 25 from a guy I had dated since I was 19. Looking back I can see all the things he wasn't that I thought he was when we were together. As the old saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. Once you're removed from the situation it's easier to look back and see everything that you were blinded to at the time.

It's not easy moving on, especially after you have given up years of your life on someone you now see to be a complete, immature ass, and it is natural I think for it to make you pissed off and regretful. But really all you can do is learn from it and move on toward a better you. Continuing to keep tabs on him and what he is doing may just prolong that anger and regret.

As far as him trying to 'buy' your friends, have you talked to your friends about it? I know my ex tried to get my best friends to turn on me by telling them his woe-is-me tales, but it ended up backfiring on him when even his friends and family started realizing that he was a nutjob that couldn't let things go. And if your friends are able to be 'bought', then as much as it hurts, they weren't good friends to begin with. Hopefully that's not the case with you, though.

It'll take some time, but try to remove yourself from him as much as you can so that you won't keep having to deal with him manbaby attitude even though you're not dating him or even friends with him (from the sounds of it) anymore.

I wish you the best, I've been in a similar situation and it sucks whichever way you slice it

[blas87]

I deleted him this morning, I will probably delete his sister as well. I really don't want to delete his dad because he's a geuninely nice guy and he didn't do anything wrong or say anything. He's my mom's pharmacist and he hasn't said a word when my mom has came in to get her scripts, so at least there is one person in that fucked up family who is mature.

I really don't and haven't meant to "keep" tabs. In all honesty, the only time I've went into his profile lately is to delete him. I saw all the trash talk on the main feedpage, I'm assuming stuff he writes always makes it to the top because they organize a lot of stuff by whom you interact with the most or who you're related to or in a relationship with. All the talk about me (never once saw my name, just quotes and stuff directed at me) was on the feed page. I saw him trying to buy my friends away from me by how they will just post a Joe Blow status and he'd respond by off-topic saying he'll pay for them or has tickets or wants them to come to x or y with him.

I agree that if my friends are dumb enough to be bought, that they aren't my real friends. Not that I mind. I have plenty of true friends at work. We don't get to see each other a lot outside of work, but I know none of them would ever do that to me.

I'm not being possessive...I mean, I know we developed mutual friends and I would never tell someone not to be friends with someone. But, it does hurt to know that he's trying to take them away from me (I KNOW he is doing this because he'd normally never say a word to some of them unless it was for his own benefit).

[Tanasi]

Blas, For the last three years you've been associated with a boy not a man. Not only is he a boy he's also a pissant and not worthy of notice. You're an adult making your own way in the world, it's time to leave such children behind.

[aurelemsrealm]

I was going to point out that you may still see or hear him through mutual friends, but it's easy enough to ignore those interactions in order to focus on your friendships with these mutual friends. If they really are your friends now, then they will remain friends with you while the dust settles and afterward. Just don't pay him any attention, and he'll most likely fade to the background. Same goes for anyone else who decides to side with him over you. I know it's easier said than done.

[blas87]

I have actually become sort of an insider (not really a hermit, just don't really go out much anymore) because of him. I still go out and do things (I did go to the bar that one Friday after work of course and also went out with the same coworkers last Saturday), but I don't go out nearly as much because of what this guy put me through. I know it's nothing I did and it may seem like I'm punishing myself, but between him and some of the things some of my friends pulled, I just don't feel like going out with a lot of them for quite a while. I've developed a pretty bad attitude about going out for the most part.

I'm making it a goal to not see him at all if I can help it. The #1 place I risk seeing him is at the gym. Not that I'm afraid, just uncomfortable. You should have seen me the first time I went there after we broke up, I heard someone walking with crutches and I nearly jumped out of my skin. It wasn't him, Thank God, lol. I won't let him stop me from going there, I think it's for the best if I don't go anywhere I know he will be.

[XCashier]

The quality people in your life will see you getting trash talked and they will consider the source. And in the eyes of these quality people, only the shitty people will be diminished, not you.

It is not unreasonable at all to want a significant other who doesn't have a criminal record, who is responsible and who listens to your wants, needs, concerns, etc.

Life is just too short to deal with the dramas of those who don't want to take responsibility for themselves.

being supportive =/= doormat

All of the above QFT. Some people are just plain poison and you're better off not having them in your life.

You did the right thing, breaking up with him and deleting him from your FB and your life. Don't punish yourself by becoming a hermit. You deserve to live your life without harrassment. If you have to, try alternative places (Is there another branch of that gym you can go to? Are there other places you can hang out with your friends?) but don't let fear of him and his scene-making make you a shut-in.

[blas87]

Oh, I'm certainly not a shut in by any means, just did develop a nasty attitude about going out and drinking....there are so many awful memories. If I go out with coworkers, though, it's different and fun. But we don't do that often.

I'm pretty broke and can't really afford going out or anything that costs more than a few bucks. I've done mostly free entertainment lately.

That gym is the only one of its type around here. I'm not terrified of seeing him, I'd just rather not. He's not a creature of habit like I am, but I can be pretty confident at certain times that I know he will not be there. It's just a situation I'd rather avoid, but I won't NOT go there just because there's a 1 in 5 chance he'd be there.

I've been so exhausted as well from my new shift that I end up spending the first day off completely stuck here sleeping or lazying about, and the furthest I like to go is my pool. I have gone out and about and everything is fine. I'm not afraid to go somewhere in fear he'd be there, I'd just keep hoping he isn't there. No need for drama.

[aurelemsrealm]

I can understand what you mean. I'm not crazy about barhopping, myself. Once in a while, if I'm with a group of friends, I might go if they want to go.

Otherwise, I prefer to buy some beer or other drink of choice, grab some junk food, find a good movie, and stay home to do my drinking. I just prefer the comfort of being at home over the hassles of being out in public.

I'm guessing you're probably still reeling from a lot of emotional drainage.