When it's spelled out black n white...

[DrFaroohk]

This is more of a vent post than a debate post....

So I've been doing a lot better with the kids. Balancing my life out better, taking a stand for what I want and willing to compromise more, taking my medication, and tryign to work in some exercising.

And little Jeffrey, who is now 7, is turning into a real good kid too. He's much more mature than his peers, and he's smart, and we're getting along good too.

Except...for his stubbornness. And what gets me riled up is when things are explained really clearly to him, like "Jeffrey. Get your shoes on. Please. I'm asking nicely. If I have to ask again, it's going to be less nice. if I ask after that, it will be mean. If you make me ask again, you will lose <random thing he loves>."

And still he just sits there, ignoring me, a scowl on his face as he feels oh so violated because I DARED to interupt his stead 9 hours of fun time to have him put his fucking shoes on!

And the easy way would be to just put his shoes on, then he can go back to doing what wants to do. This is even explained to him.

So it's usually like this:

"Please put your shoes on."

"NO!"

"Jeffrey, I'm asking nicely. you'll get in trouble if you don't put your shoes on."

"NO!"

"Last chance. I will ask nicely, or you can't play Xbox today."

"NO!"

"Ok, you just lost XBOX. You wanna go for no TV? Get your shoes on."

"NO!"

"Jeffrey...do you really want to lose your TV and XBOX? No? Well then why can't you get your shoes on?"

"NO!"

"Ok, no TV, no XBOX, and now we're not going to the beach like you wanted either. I warned you."

"OOOH WAHHHH WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET THEM ON!"

[Andara Bledin]

Just curious, but have you asked him why he doesn't want to get them on when he does that?

Derail him and come at it sideways.

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

Actually, hat's not one of my normal tactics...if there's something he geuinely doesn't want to do I'll ask him why, but if its because he's playing Plants vs. Zombies, I don't bother. I suppose that's a throwback to my upbringing, which I try to deviate from but sometimes fall back into it. YOU DO IT BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!! GRRRR!!!! lol...

[IDrinkaRum]

I do the same thing with Child Rum. I tell her if she doesn't do something (put on her shoes, pick up her toys, whatever), I'm going to take something away from her. She throws a fit. Mr. Rum gives in to her. And then I'm the one who looks bad and I get mad and yell at him. It's not fair and I get resentful. *le sigh*

[Boozy]

Just curious, but have you asked him why he doesn't want to get them on when he does that?

He's seven.

You're just going to get an answer along the lines of "Because! I don't wanna!"

What DrFaroohk is doing will eventually pay off, as long as he follows through with the punishments.

[DrFaroohk]

We try to do so, and we also try to make sure good behavior is praised and rewarded. The problem with taking things away is that he'll take it further than I will.

It frequently turns into that scene with the principal yelling at Bender and he keeps throwing up more and more detentions until he's got detention for like the next year and it just doesn't phase him. At some point it's like "Ok, no more xbox for the next 19 years, and your bed time is so early you have to go to bed at 3a.m. the previous morning! Oh...wait..."

[Andara Bledin]

Seven is old enough to read and write and start doing basic math. My friend's five-year-old manages to do better than "Because I don't wanna" when you ask why she's being obstinate over something so I don't think it's at all unusual to expect more.

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

lol in some ways Jeffrey reminds me of like a reverse rainman. If you ask him what 25x8 is, he'll have no idea. But if in some game he's playing he has to buy 8 something for 25 game currency, he immediately knows its 200. Same as reading. He'll get bored of trying to read his assignments, but I'll see him playing some pretty advanced games and reading along just fine.

[Andara Bledin]

It's a matter of engagement. The games engage him and give him a reason to focus on the tasks. But just throwing numbers and words at him leave him without enough to either keep him interested or provide enough of a frame of reference for the data to make sense.

^-.-^

[anakhouri]

I can see this happening in the future with Khan. He is the most mule-headed, willful child I have ever seen. Right now he is only 2, so taking stuff away doesn't help because he has the memory of a goldfish and will forget about the thing I took away within 10 minutes.

Sounds like you're doing OK; the kid will catch on eventually or not ever play video games again.