body policing<very ranty>

[BlaqueKatt]

ok a thread on CS generated this... The thread was 95% pure Fat bashing, I only hope the mods close it. Heck for all you know that person in the op gained weight during pregnancy, and due to having a new baby can't afford new clothes, or maybe that's all she has, maybe she lost everything in a fire or robbery, but nope all that matters is OMG she's fat and it's disgusting, no people's attitudes and judgement of a perfect stranger based on appearance is fucking disgusting.

several comments along the lines of "I don't care what size you are, I don't want to see that, cover it up." and the like. This is my gut reaction-not going to be pretty....

Oh I'm sorry I forgot my burqua, and of course you not only being in the "clockwork orange" headgear and having 5 people holding loaded guns to your head you couldn't possibly look in any other direction....oh wait....

Then again, the object of your ridicule is obviously "less than human" and can't possibly have feelings, my god, they need your prompt fashion advice, and your comments on their weight(no matter what it is), because shaming people always motivates them to better themselves, so public shaming and ridicule is twice as good, right? It couldn't have any negative effects could it? Nah people that are depressed and have low self esteem and body/image issues, that's "all in their head", not caused by harassment.

Yeah I'm retaining water right now, so everything I put on gives me "muffin top", I guess I should call in to work for an entire week lest someone see my "unsightly bulges", or maybe I should go buy AN ENTIRE NEW WARDROBE just to not "offend someone", oh wait I can't afford to do that, do you the complainer that is obviously physically perfect in all ways, except in the ability to LOOK ANOTHER DAMN DIRECTION, want to buy me a new wardrobe as mine apparently is so hideous?

Didn't think so....so since I have to wear the clothes I have to go to work, and no one is handing me free perfectly tailored clothes(as nothing off the rack ever fits me correctly, and I remember several others on this board saying the same)....I really don't think you have any right to say a damn thing about what I choose to wear.

Would you be upset if a customer made fun of your tattoos, or outrageous hair color, or how your uniform makes you look like hamster vomit? Really, you would? Then please enlighten me as to why it's ok to comment on another person's choices, THAT DO NOT AFFECT YOU IN ANY MANNER!!!

Don't despair, the internet is full of wonderful things including:
How Not To Be a Boorish** Body Policing Jerk


*this post was intentionally rage-y, as I'm getting sick and tired of "oh it's the Photoshopping, and media that's causing women to have body issues, OMG look at that troglodyte in the miniskirt, doesn't she have eyes, she looks horrible, OMG, she shouldn't leave the house without a bag over her head."

**since its a lesser used word-Boorish=coarse, uncouth, loutish, churlish. Boorish, oafish, rude, uncouth all describe persons, acts, manners, or mannerisms that violate in some way the generally accepted canons of polite, considerate behavior. Implies a coarse and blatant lack of sensitivity to the feelings or values of others.

ETA-Look back through some of Plaid's posts(older ones on CS), numerous times he was made fun of for not being GQ model material, you don't think that had some effect on him? I remember one where a customer asked if a grenade blew up in his face, everyone thought that was horrible for someone to say, yet it's ok to make fun of someone you don't know anything about-guess what, that customer knew nothing about Plaid-was it ok? Think about it, and remember that next time you see someone who should wear a size 10 wearing a size four.

[guywithashovel]

I try to think that many people who make these types of jokes do so without fully realizing how they might affect another person. Don't get me wrong, though. I've been on the receiving end of these sorts of remarks. Several months ago, I went into one of the rooms at work, and some people in there were taking some humorous shots at a group that I happened to belong to. Deep down, I was offended, but I tried to think that they just didn't realize how it might affect me or anyone else who belonged to this group.

On another note, part of me wants to get offended when someone makes a joke about a man having "man boobs." Why? Because I have "man boobs." I'm not overweight, either. I have a condition called gynecomastia. That is a condition that some men have that causes them to have "man boobs." It's a hormonal imbalance.

My "man boobs" aren't really that big of a deal. Heck, as long as I have a shirt on, they really aren't that noticeable. However, they're still there, and regardless of how many push-ups or bench presses I do, they're always going to be there unless I have them surgically removed, which obviously I can't afford to do right now.

[AdminAssistant]

That thread irked me a bit (not enough to report, just enough to go, "really?") Because I'm a fatty, and it's hot, and I'm sorry, but I'm wearing shorts and t-shirts. All the important bits are covered, but you can see the occasional varicose vein. And sometimes my lovely knee length yoga pants slip down in the front, causing a bit of belly to peek out before I can fix it. I'm doing the best I can, but dammit it's 100 degrees outside and I'm not going out in jeans and long sleeves because my fat legs and chunky arms might offend someone.

What's bad is a friend* recently posted a picture on FB of a 'poorly dressed' overweight person that she saw on the bus. Her shirt was a bit too small, and the shorts were too short (compounded by the fact that she was sitting down. But I really felt sorry for her.

* This friend, in her early 40's, has been displaying increasingly immature behavior lately. You may remember her as the one who passive-aggressively suggested that I shouldn't have my favorite chocolate-y froyo treat because I'm a fatty. Recently it's been escalating to sideways comments about Fiance. I've been meaning to make a thread about it.

[the_std]

ETA-Look back through some of Plaid's posts(older ones on CS), numerous times he was made fun of for not being GQ model material, you don't think that had some effect on him? I remember one where a customer asked if a grenade blew up in his face, everyone thought that was horrible for someone to say, yet it's ok to make fun of someone you don't know anything about-guess what, that customer knew nothing about Plaid-was it ok? Think about it, and remember that next time you see someone who should wear a size 10 wearing a size four.

Dude.

Okay, I understand that you're angry. I definitely do not agree with the sentiments posted in the thread you're talking about, and I don't believe that it's okay to make people feel bad about themselves because of their appearance. But holy crap, really? You are implying that if you say a negative thing about a person, then you might make them kill themselves.

I feel that implication (notice I am not saying you've said it outright) is incredibly insulting. Plaid had problems that went way beyond the comments people made about his physical appearance. WAY beyond. I agree that people should be nicer and not make snap judgements like that, but I find your comments insulting. I've said negative things about people in my time, but guess what, I'm not responsible for anyone killing themselves. No one who made comments about Plaid were responsible for him killing himself. They might not have helped, I know, but they didn't make him do anything.

[Rageaholic]

This is why I always found websites such as peopleofwalmart to be downright cruel. Not only are they making fun of people based on apperances, but they are posting their pictures online just to mock them and say "Hey! This is what you're typical Walmart shopper looks like!". While I understand that some looks are unflattering (particularly the one in the CS thread), I think some people take their disgust too far.

[bainsidhe]

I *think* I found the thread in question and a lot of the posts seem to focus more on the clothing than the person's size. I didn't find anything outright offensive to me...yet. I'm sure some folks will start posting more pointed fat comments shortly. Weight posts always become a free-for-all just like comments about religion, politics, etc. Maybe that's me just being sensitive, but that's what it feels like.

I've been a big girl my whole life and I agree with the OP in how utterly and deeply hurtful it is to be treated as something disgusting and less than human. Every time a CS thread starts about people riding shopping scooters or otherwise doing something that fits the so-called fat-person stereotype, there is inevitably posts bashing weight and life choices, poking fun and calling names, etc.

And std, I may be wrong, but I didn't interpret the OP as suggesting mere words were enough to cause what happened with Plaid. Just that people use words to be hurtful and don't care how painful it is for the victim.

[MaggieTheCat]

A couple of "friends" of my husband's and mine went to A-Kon this year. They took lots and lots of pictures...mainly of people who they thought didn't look good. Overweight people, cosplayers in costumes that they didn't approve of, etc. Then they posted these pictures on their FB pages and made nasty captions for them. One was a picture of an overweight Vash cosplayer, with the caption "Fat Vash makes me sad. " Another was a picture of an overweight Princess Peach cosplayer, with the caption, "Well, at least she was nicer than the original Fat Peach we met last year." Another was a picture of a very skinny girl dressed in a skimpy outfit with the caption, "The scar tissue hurts my eyes!" (apparently she had a c-section scar that was visible with the costume she was wearing, which I honestly couldn't see from the picture.)

We were going to go to their wedding in September. After reading their comments, we changed our minds.

[mikoyan29]

This is why I always found websites such as peopleofwalmart to be downright cruel. Not only are they making fun of people based on apperances, but they are posting their pictures online just to mock them and say "Hey! This is what you're typical Walmart shopper looks like!". While I understand that some looks are unflattering (particularly the one in the CS thread), I think some people take their disgust too far.

Peopleofwalmart bugs me because it is bad photography.

[Ree]

But holy crap, really? You are implying that if you say a negative thing about a person, then you might make them kill themselves.

That's what you took from her post???



Plaid didn't have just one negative thing said to him about his appearance.
It was constant.
Yes, he had other things going on, but the constant nasty comments about appearance didn't help.

[telecom_goddess]

I"m overweight and I still wear shorts and t shirts and whatnot to be comfortable in warmer weather. I definitely have varicose veins showing .

I don't mind others doing that. What I am not appreciating are the people that wear stuff that is obviously too small and too revealing for their body type. I won't wear a tank top and tight daisy duke shorts because I know I would look ridiculous in them....and would be disgusting. But a loose fitting t shirt and longer shorts...yeah people can deal with that.

There's being comfortable and then there is being gross. Not that fat itself is gross....but displaying it in that way is gross. I'd have the same opinion of a skinny girl showing off girly bits because she chose to not wear underwear with a mini skirt.

As for Plaid I know the constant comments about appearance was a factor in his self esteem issues. I don't think that point alone caused him to do what he did, but it definitely contributed.

[DrFaroohk]

Well there is something to be said for "community service" as I call it. there are certain clothes I think one should only be wearing if they've earned the olympian physique that goes with it.

As a good friend said once, belly-shirts are a privilege. Not a right.

[Andara Bledin]

I would never say anything to someone's face, but when I spot a woman wearing sweat pants with the waistband rolled down so that it's tucked under her roll of flabby gut and a t-shirt with the bottom half cut off so that it ends just above her belly button, I'm sure as hell going to be thinking unflattering things about the fact that she is essentially showcasing said gut flab.

Most of the time, I just don't care of someone's fat or skinny or what have you. I will sometimes look longer at someone who isn't typically formed due to the fact that I tend to have an artist's eye, so when someone looks a bit different than what is expected, my mind wants to catalog how they're different. But I do my best to not actually stare.

^-.-^

[the_std]

Plaid didn't have just one negative thing said to him about his appearance.
It was constant.
Yes, he had other things going on, but the constant nasty comments about appearance didn't help.

I know that. I specifically said in my post that it didn't help. But dragging up the memory of someone who was close to the board and recently deceased and saying, "LOOK! You could do this to someone if you don't stop being mean!" is both emotionally manipulative and disrespectful, outside of simplifying Plaid's problems. I am willing to bet that he didn't kill himself just because people made fun of him, which is what BK implied with her post. That's why I took umbrage to it.

[Boozy]

There have been a few mentions of varicose veins. Personally, I don't find them any more offensive to look at than the bulging veins some muscular men have in their arms. Which is to say, not at all. Living human beings have cardiovascular systems that circulate blood throughout their body. What could possibly be offensive about that simple fact?

Inappropriate clothing choices are a bit different. When I see someone walking around in extremely skimpy clothes, I definitely think less of them. Bikini tops shouldn't be worn in public anywhere other than at the beach or pool. It makes no difference if you weigh 100 lbs or 400 lbs.

[anakhouri]

I don't have a problem with people's size. It's none of my business.

I just don't get the people who don't seem to have an iota of modesty. Sure, it's 98 degrees here today; I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Not a thong that goes up my ass and a bikini top. Because I don't want to go showing off my body to everyone and their brother. I am not ashamed of my body; I earned this flabby stomach, after all! But the only person who needs to see my ass in all its pale glory is my husband.

The too-tight clothes are just as bad, because they are just unflattering; Husband's boss is an amateur bodybuilder and wears shirts that I swear were made for 10 year old boys. Sure, he has biceps the size of my head...but it just doesn't look good on him. Unflattering doesn't bother me quite as much as too-revealing, though. That's just an unfortunate fashion choice, whereas revealing makes me think you have some self-esteem issues.

I don't care about varicose veins either (I'm getting them). I never remember my mom ever wearing shorts because she was so ashamed of her varicose veins. Screw that; it's the same with my white hairs. You get old, things happen, it's nothing to be ashamed of.