body policing<very ranty>

[Andara Bledin]

You know how every school has one kid that everyone picks on? Yep, I was that kid...and that's probably why even now I don't exactly 'mesh' with most people. I keep to myself, in other words.

I was that kid in my high school. I ranked somewhere just below the special ed kids for how likely it was for someone in one of the cliques to be willingly seen in my company. But it was never my appearance. I was quiet. I didn't follow the trends. I read books on purpose. And I wasn't afraid to be smart in public.

You would have thought that people would have matured since school days, but I still get a few snide comments like "Your legs are blinding me!" and "Holy fuck, you're as white as a corpse" if I walk around in anything short.

"Yeah, and when you're all old and wrinkly with skin like overstretched naugahyde, my skin will still be soft and resilient."

I had a friend like that. He owned his whiteness. He'd use it as a threat, to blind people with the rays of sun that would reflect of his pale, pale skin.

^-.-^

[Rapscallion]

I had a friend like that. He owned his whiteness. He'd use it as a threat, to blind people with the rays of sun that would reflect of his pale, pale skin.

He did right.

It's a power game. People usually don't even know they're doing it. Denigrating others to make themselves look better is regrettably common, as well as being immature. It's got an interesting corollary in people saying they look horrible to fish for compliments.

Don't let them know it's affected you, that's the key. Not letting it affect you is the aim. It's confidence. If you let them affect you, you give them power.

Me? I used to be class spaz. I grew out of it. I'm still a fat bastard (part of the image thing), and I've got far less hair on my head than I used to have. I've got a beard, something that's occasionally been commented on to the extent that if I shaved my beard off I'd have a better chance of getting a girlfriend. That's not really an aim of mine. I do my thing, not theirs. I'm trying to lose weight sporadically to try and avoid health complications, not to please others. I'm not lovable in the physical sense as time as proved. I don't care.

Back when I was about ten or so, I'd have a dozen classmates ganging up on me to taunt me with the name 'mengy'. It was one they came up with that had all the accompanying aspects of being mentally subnormal.

I grew out of being a willing victim. I stopped reacting to it. I only get that sort of crap as banter these days.

I've not exactly had to install a ticket system so the ladies can have a fair share. However, I know I'm unique. I'm comfortable with myself despite not following the preferred norms of society.

Rapscallion

[Gravekeeper]

Yikes. I haven't seen the original thread but I can see how it would fly off into Fratching pretty quick. >.>

That said, I have two cents. I will add them.

The problem I have is not size or shape, but packaging used. As already mentioned, it is a matter of modesty and sense more than anything else. Fashion sense means dressing up your strengths and dressing down your weaknesses. This goes both ways, mind you. I don't care how hot you are, I will still think disparaging things about if you've got a whale tale going and Daisy Dukes riding so low I can see the hedges haven't been trimmed in a while.

Knowing what looks good on you, what doesn't look good on you and what can't possible look good on anyone. Which is where I would say my biggest problem lays. People with utterly NO sense of fashion or modesty that have everything hanging out and probably tramp stamped on top of that.

People of Walmart for example is this at its worst. The problem isn't body size there, its the "DEAR LORD" factor of seeing some plus sized gentleman that quite seriously believes he looks rather fetching in stockings, short shorts and a thong. Well, that and it seems like every other page tends to have one person with a t-shirt on expressing some sort of desire shoot a liberal.

Cosplay is a different beast entirely, and one where modesty hasn't just taken a back seat but has been duct taped, hog tied and stuffed into the trunk. Yes, there isn't many options for anyone of a heavier set. Or heck, even anyone whose just short or otherwise outside of the coat rack with two basketballs glued to the front. But at the same time, a lot of people at Western cons are lacking that little voice of modest that says "Hey, maybe we shouldn't dress like Felicia from Darkstalkers? Using only toilet paper and a wig?"

Granted, despite all of this, I wouldn't actually walk up to the person and say anything to them. That would be rude if not outright dickish depending on the comment.


Also, I have to go with std on this. I think bringing Plaid into it ( in any capacity ) was bad form, frankly.

[Ree]

Not true at all.

Kisa has posted multiple threads this month alone about people giving her shit about how she looks. I seem to recall that Lupo has also had people give her shit.

Not true at all in those examples provided.
Aside from one post where someone made a comment about Kisa's bikini, (and we were provided a picture to show that the person was way off base because Kisa was obviously a beautiful girl with a very well fitting bikini, and not overweight at all), most of what I have read from those examples have actually been the type of stories BK mentioned of people tending to hit on them everywhere they go, rather than people making comments about them being unattractive, so that's not really the same thing BK was referring to.

As someone who is a plus size, I do understand what BK is trying to say.

It was hot and so humid here last week. It was way too hot to be all covered up in clothes more suitable for an unsightly fat chick.
I wore my skimpy summer clothes to keep cool...at home, anyway.

In public, I covered up and suffered in the heat.

I sat, sweltering in my pants and shirt while I watched the more suitably attractive thin people stroll around in their much cooler, skimpy little outfits.

Why?
Because of attitudes expressed in that CS thread, and in this one.

I knew, if I went out in public dressed like those people, I would be a source for a joke in someone's head when they saw me.
I spent my life as an overweight person being the butt of somebody's joke and I do get sick of it.

Oh I guess I should be all well adjusted and have the "I am rubber and you're glue" approach to the insults and sneers when people look at the fat circus lady who dares to show her face (or flabby body parts) in public, but I'm not and why should I be?

In fact, as I shared with a few people when we discussed that thread, I actually got into a bit of a tiff with my boyfriend because of my attitude toward my appearance.

I am in a relationship with a guy who adores me and tells me I am beautiful, and deep down, a part of me pushes him away because I think there's something wrong with him for finding me beautiful. (How sad is that?)

The other night, when it was probably at its hottest, he wanted to treat my granddaughter, my nephew, and me to ice cream. I was wearing a sundress around the house with no bra, and while it wasn't tight, it was slightly bare with spaghetti straps and a low neckline.

I wanted to change and he wouldn't let me. He said he loved me in the dress.
When we got to the store, I was making excuses not to get out of the car and go into the store, so he got upset with me. I did finally go in, but afterwards, when we were talking about the fight, I admitted to him that I didn't want to face the stares of people who would be thinking I was a fat cow who certainly shouldn't be buying ice cream.

He thought I was being ridiculous about it because he doesn't understand.

I read so many threads on CS where people are offended by a customer or a supervisor who demand they dress and look a certain way, or expect them to conform to their idea of suitably dressed or groomed.

The same people who will fight tooth and nail for the right to wear their hair any damn style and colour they please, tattoo, pierce and display any part of their anatomy they wish, or wear any damn outfit they please will be the first to pick up a boulder and toss it at the "fat chick" in the shorts and tube top.

I do understand the other side, because I do see some pretty unsightly things during the hot weather, and, yeah, in my head, I probably do the same kind of mental , but who am I to tell them they don't really have a right to go around looking like that and offending the delicate sensibilities of society by creating a walking eyesore?

[Andara Bledin]

Not true at all in those examples provided.
Aside from one post where someone made a comment about Kisa's bikini

The bikini thread had them commenting that she was too skinny, and that she was too flabby, all by the same SCs.

This thread has her being accused of anorexia.

And, as keeps being mentioned, you can dress in cooler clothing without looking like someone was stuffing sausages and ran out of casing, which is really most of what is being complained of the most and can happen to anyone who isn't unhealthily thin. The other side is people dressing like prostitutes.

^-.-^

[telecom_goddess]

Just cause one is overweight is no reason to suffer in the heat. I live in t shirts and shorts all summer long. White legs and all. People can deal with that.

[AdminAssistant]

I did finally go in, but afterwards, when we were talking about the fight, I admitted to him that I didn't want to face the stares of people who would be thinking I was a fat cow who certainly shouldn't be buying ice cream.

I know exactly how you feel, and often have that same feeling if I'm picking up some fast food. Especially if I'm getting for both Fiance and me, and he isn't in the car, so it looks like I'm just getting a ton of food to stuff my fatty face with.

It's also a reason that I've put off actually going and shopping for a dress. I don't want to be shooed out of a shop by snooty salespeople, I don't want to go through the embarrassment of "we don't have any samples in your size", and I don't want to stand there on a pedestal* feeling like Shamu in lace, while some skinny bitch next to me complains that she's "sooooo fat. Like OMG, I wear a size 2 in normal clothes!" Or hear, "Oh, you don't want to wear white, you're far too....fair-skinned."

On a somewhat related, but different note, Yes, I'm pale, and yes, it's summer, and no, that really isn't noteworthy. But complete strangers feel the need to comment on how pale I am and "don't you get sunburned?" Why? Would they comment on someone who was very tan? Or darker skinned due to ethnic background? I think not.

*Most dress shops literally have pedestals for the bride-to-be to stand on.

[KnitShoni]

It sort of amazes me that White people tend to get comments from (mostly) other White people for being too pale, and Black people get comments from (mostly) other Black people for being too dark. Darker skinned Black folks are told often that they need to stay out of the sun because they "don't need to get any darker!"

Oh, and anyone who assumes that pale White people are the only people who get sunburned needs to come talk to my mom and me. She's on the darker end of the skin color spectrum, and I'm more in the middle (as far as Black skin goes). We've both burned, no matter how often we apply our sunscreen, or the spf.

[guywithashovel]

I am in a relationship with a guy who adores me and tells me I am beautiful, and deep down, a part of me pushes him away because I think there's something wrong with him for finding me beautiful. (How sad is that?)

The other night, when it was probably at its hottest, he wanted to treat my granddaughter, my nephew, and me to ice cream. I was wearing a sundress around the house with no bra, and while it wasn't tight, it was slightly bare with spaghetti straps and a low neckline.

I wanted to change and he wouldn't let me. He said he loved me in the dress.
When we got to the store, I was making excuses not to get out of the car and go into the store, so he got upset with me. I did finally go in, but afterwards, when we were talking about the fight, I admitted to him that I didn't want to face the stares of people who would be thinking I was a fat cow who certainly shouldn't be buying ice cream.

He thought I was being ridiculous about it because he doesn't understand.

It's great that he loves you the way you are, but he really should have respected your feelings about being out in public in that dress. I may think a woman looks nice in something, but she has to feel nice in it, too. If she doesn't want to be seen in it by anyone other than me, I should honor that. That's how I feel, anyway.

I've never been excessively overweight. Granted, a few years ago, I was tipping the scales at 185 lbs, and I'm about 5'7" tall. Now, I'm down to 152 lbs. Even so, I've always felt self conscious when wearing shorts, which is why I rarely ever wear them. The last time I wore a pair of shorts was back in 2006 when I was working at a camp, and the only reason I wore them then was because I was outside most of the day and there was a heat wave going on.

This doesn't happen so much these days, but in the past, I used to take all kinds of crap from my family for not liking to wear shorts. When warm weather hit, I wore a short-sleeved shirts and jeans. And without fail, from May until about late August or early September, I would hear incessant nagging about how I should wear shorts. When I didn't wear them, I would get these smug expressions like "Well, if you want to roast in the heat, fine with me!" Actually, I wouldn't have been that much cooler in shorts, and any amount of coolness I felt would have been offset by my not feeling right wearing shorts.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen anymore. I guess they gave up on me.

[Andara Bledin]

Most dress shops literally have pedestals for the bride-to-be to stand on.

That's a fairly standard tailor thing. They have to get down to the bottom of the garment when dealing with setting the hemline, etc, and it's easier for them if the bottom of the garment isn't at floor level.

^-.-^

[blas87]

I hate to take the thread partially elsewhere, but it upsets me to hear anyone thinking aloud that posters like Kisa and lupo and others (mostly ladies) may be a tad off base or taking it to the extreme when they get hit in. I include myself in there because I have been hit on going to the fucking MAILBOX and going for walks. Kisa just tries to get through her day and has assholes and idiots hitting on her in the drive thru (how pathetic!), and lupo can't seem to go anywhere without some nut commenting on her curves or how she looks and trying to pick her up and take her out. COME ON, that's creepy and disgusting. They have EVERY right to complain! No one should have to deal wiht unwanted attention. And yes, you are a creep for hitting on a girl at work, chatting up a girl creepily at the grocery store, and trying to ask a girl out at her mailbox.

ETA: I am half ginger, and I am naturally very porcelain skinned. I was teased unmercifully as a kid for how white I was. Not to mention that I never did a lot outside, and in high school, I was always working or doing something indoors. I hate to say it, but people's rude comments are the reason I started going tanning. And people al of a sudden started liking me because I wasn't pasty anymore. But then they complained I was getting too dark. WTF? So now I keep my skin whatever color I like and fuck everyone else. Not literally, though.

[Ree]

I hate to take the thread partially elsewhere, but it upsets me to hear anyone thinking aloud that posters like Kisa and lupo and others (mostly ladies) may be a tad off base or taking it to the extreme when they get hit in.

I haven't had a chance to read back through any replies after my comment, but I have to clarify that I did not say anything like this in my comment about those 2 particular members.

In the post to which you seem to be referring, no actual members were mentioned by name.

I used Plaid as an example because he is pretty much the only person on CS or Fratching that ever posted about having negative things said about his appearance, every other poster on CS either "looks like a grade school student",(I'm 21,24, 30, but I look 12, 14,16) "gets hit on every five seconds"(seriously there is one poster that EVERY post has them getting hit on at least once, if not 3-4 times), or "has people old enough to be their parent" hitting on them when they look like a grade school student(OMG this guy said hi to me today, he was totally old enough to be my grandfather he was like 31, and OMG I look like a toddler, total pedo!), and are getting ht on every five minutes by every customer in the store, male and female-heck people walk by the store, see them and run into the store to propose marriage.

Andara used these names as other examples of people who have been ridiculed for their appearance as a rebuttal for BlaqueKatt's reason for mentioning Plaidman.

My point was that, from what I had read, while probably a creepy situation to them, they seemed to me to be getting comments more along the line of people being attracted to them.
Judging by the stories I have read, every time Lupo goes shopping, or out in public, she seems to have somebody hitting on her.
That's not quite the same thing, in my opinion, as having someone visibly recoiling in disgust or contempt over a starnger's appearance, or having someone smirk and whisper behind a hand to a friend while pointing in the direction of said stranger.

Kisa recently posted about going to a fruit market and having every male in the place hit on her. Again, her appearance was met with approval and not disgust.

My post was meant to rebut Andara's claim that they could have also been used as examples. In my opinion, that would be comparing apples and oranges.

My comments were in no way meant to claim that they were overreacting when they get hit on.

[kibbles]

I don't think a person simply asking someone out or politely commenting on someone's appearance is creepy..provided they know to stop if the person expresses disinterest. JMO.

[blas87]

If it was polite and not creepy, I wouldn't have to bitch about it.

[kibbles]

If it was polite and not creepy, I wouldn't have to bitch about it.

To be fair, I was not referencing your posts...but I have seen stories elsewhere where someone is deemed creepy if:

-they simply tell someone they look cute/beautiful

-they are not deemed "attractive enough" by someone

-they are deemed "too old" by someone

JMO