think before you speak!

[KellyHabersham]

*For the record, my sister and I get along fairly well, she just doesn't always think before she says something, and this particular topic is especially frustrating*

Apparently, at some point during the family's vacation last week, several people had gone out to eat, and during the course of dinner, the topic of teen pregnancy and "how would you handle this" came up. Naturally, the fact that I got pregnant when I was 18 came up, and it lead into this:

Patty (my sister) apparently said something about my having been diagnosed with the mentality/maturity level of an 8 year-old, and that if tests were done to confirm this, rape charges could be filed against my daughter's father. Needless to say, I have HUGE issues with her saying that sort of thing, for the following reasons:

- I was NEVER diagnosed with that sort of issue. Depression, yes........and it's possible that I could have some degree of Asperger's and/or schizophrenia. And while I'd be the first to admit that it's sometimes hard to function like a "normal" person, I am NOT mentally slow/deficient.

- there would have to be proof that Jeremy knew I had issues, and still chose to behave like he did. (although I don't know what people might have told him about me before we were introduced)

- Even if any of that was true, there is no reason it should be brought up in front of Heather. She's gotten to the age where she's noticing that I'm not like her other friend's moms, and this sort of crap doesn't help.

- if any of that got back to Jeremy, that could potentially give him something to use against me if he should decided to file for visitation rights, or if I filed for child support. (which I am thinking about doing)

[Andara Bledin]

Forget thinking before speaking, how about not making up lies from whole cloth?!?

That's far beyond revealing personal information that you have no right revealing.

^-.-^

[KellyHabersham]

Well, I can kind of see where someone might get the idea that I'm immature for my age........my mom was overprotective/sheltering as we were growing up, she didn't really teach me a lot of what you'd call "life skills" (because she assumed I'd always be living at home), and I've definitely NOT had most of the "normal" life experiences as the average person in their early 30s. (both of my younger siblings are way ahead of me in a lot of ways, so I can see where someone would get that sort of idea)

[Andara Bledin]

Yeah, but it's a huge leap from "lacking life experience and being generally immature" and "diagnosed to have the mental development of an 8-year-old at 18."

^-.-^

[KellyHabersham]

Oh, I know what you mean - was just using that as an example of where someone could get the wrong idea.

Anyhow, I did have a lot of testing done when I was in elementary school, and while I don't remember a great deal about it, my mom says that they did NOT at any time mention/find mental retardation. And when I was put on medication during my senior year of high school, it was a possible form of schizophrenia they were suspecting.......I don't recall my therapist ever mentioning mental retardation.

[anakhouri]

1. I wouldn't call 18 a teen pregnancy; in the US you are legally an adult at 18.

2. I am appalled she would say stuff like that in front of your daughter. You have every right to be furious! I am furious on your behalf.

[KellyHabersham]

It's entirely possible that Heather might have misheard what was said, and I do have to admit that I was going through a rough time when Jeremy and I met, but still......Patty is not a medical professional, not qualified to give an official diagnosis, and it's just frustrating that people believe whatever she says.

Mainly why I'm frustrated by this is that my daughter believed that I'm mentally immature/slow, and that's definitely caused some problems.

[KellyHabersham]

Have an update of sorts, but first I have to give a little background info.........around the time I found out I was pregnant, I was taking anti-depressants, and seeing a therapist whom I'll call 'Mrs. Smith".

Anyhow, we had a family get-together last night, and my mom had mentioned this issue to Patty.....it turned out that she'd actually been quoting something which "Mrs. Smith" had said at the time, and I can see that as being true since teen pregnancy and my personal situation had come up in the conversation.

So in other words, what actually happened was that the whole "pressing rape charges because of mental deficiency" was something which "Mrs. Smith" had reccommended the family do. (I still don't think it is something appropriate to have mentioned in front of my daughter, though)

[Mishi]

That most certainly is not something that needed to be mentioned in front of your daughter! It's not helpful, and it's not something that she needed to know at this point in time (or ever, really). All that piece of 'information' is going to do is cause more problems, and that's not fair to anyone.

[Andara Bledin]

Does she have no concept of the words "private" and "confidential?"

^-.-^

[jackfaire]

Not to mention a child should have the right to form their own opinions about their parents drawn from their own experiences and not colored by third party, adult third party of course they will get input from their friends, input.

My ex-wife has had a lot of mental issues in the past and I myself have had various problems. We take great pains never to mention these in front of my daughter. Her interpretation of us should be based on her own experiences with us.

If your sister understands and in the future amends her ways to not inadvertently include your daughter in things she need not be privy to then good. Otherwise if your sister has children of her own you might let slip some harmless yet embarrassing tidbit from child hood in front of them.

[KellyHabersham]

If your sister understands and in the future amends her ways to not inadvertently include your daughter in things she need not be privy to then good. Otherwise if your sister has children of her own you might let slip some harmless yet embarrassing tidbit from child hood in front of them.

Unfortunately, my sister's always had that sort of problem.....it's happened more than once that she's mentioned inaccurate/inappropriate details to people about my mental issues and relationship with my daughter's father. (admittedly though, Jeremy has been a "no no" topic among my immediate family, so I can see why my cousins would start asking questions)