"Your a selfish person" or "it's okay to be selish sometimes"

[jackfaire]

self·ish
   [sel-fish] Show IPA
adjective
1.
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2.
characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.


As per the definition here being selfish is a bad thing. Taking care of oneself and making sure your needs are met at the same time as the person's other needs are met is not something that falls under the definition of Selfish.

When I say I am glad that my daughter lives with her grandmother I get one of two reactions.

The first being the : God your such a selfish person.

The second being: It's good that you know your a selfish person like that.

In people's minds they seem to miss the following facts.

1) I have to rent a room from my mom because I do not make enough money to rent a single room efficiency much less anything else.

2) At any time I could find myself out of work and I don't have any savings.

3) I currently spend my summers unemployed looking for temp work.

4) My daughter is a high maintenance kid who has to take medications and go to see a counselor as my license is suspended and trying to get the money together to fix that has been difficult I am unable to drive anywhere and could not get her where she needs to go.

It is not selfish to be glad that my daughter is living in a home where I know she will not go hungry because I run out of money for food because the rent had to be paid. Where she will get new clothes for school every year and when she needs them and that I can go spend time with her and still be a part of her life.

It is not selfish to not want more kids in the future because of the fact that my life is never very predictable. At some point it may be and I may change that policy but right now things change too quickly for me to be stable.

Having different dreams and desires than being a parent and husband like you want to does not make me a selfish person. I am not saying I don't care about other people's feelings.

Your calling me a selfish person implies that my not marrying a hypothetical wife/husband and having hypothetical children is ignoring their real needs. Hypothetical people have no real needs.

I am not ignoring anyone that I care about because it doesn't serve my interest. I am not going to tell my best friend, "Sorry I won't help you move cuz my show is on."

I am still a caring and compassionate person and while the only way I will bend on the kids thing is if, IF, my life becomes more stable, I am willing to meet someone fall in love and get married but I am not looking for it because that seems to defeat the purpose of falling in love.

That all being said you out there getting an SO and having children does not make you selfless.

You are not suddenly this amazing person because you fulfilled a biological function.

Yes you can be a selfless, compassionate person who shines love on everyone. But that is because that is who you are not because you had kids.

You can just as easily be a selfish person pushing your kids into all the things you weren't very good at as a child so you feel your getting a second chance through them.

I give to charity, try to include my daughter's brother, run to help my friends, and volunteer my time while still making enough time to live my own life and take care of myself. If you think that makes me selfish think again.

[Rageaholic]

Yeah, I don't understand how being selfish is a bad thing. It's one thing if you are selfish at the expense of others, but if you're just doing your own thing, than what the hell? Why does that make me such a bad person? It's just another way for others to make you feel like a bad person so they feel like a martyr.

[jackfaire]

Yeah, I don't understand how being selfish is a bad thing.

Because being Selfish is at the expense of others. Taking care of yourself or living your life the way you want is not being Selfish.

I think the confusion comes in from generations of parents that did things like, "What do you mean you want your wedding to be the way you want it that's so selfish to ignore my feelings on the matter."

So now people think "it's okay to be selfish" instead of realizing "wanting my wedding to my husband/wife my way isn't selfish my mom/dad is being selfish"

Because of suddenly trying to justify being selfish when your not it makes you seem like a bad person because being selfish is bad.

It's rather ingenious if you force people to term caring about their own needs and desires as selfish then it puts them always on the defensive and makes them sound like the bad guys.

[blas87]

A lot of people have the wrong idea of what "selfish" really means.

Selfish to some people worrying about your own problems before someone else's tiring day to day drama and "emergencies".

Selfish to some people is getting ample sleep before work instead of going out with people.

Selfish is to some people, calling in sick because you can't quit puking or shitting or bleeding from your rectum.

And people who think that's selfish, need a swift kick in the ass and a good full size mirror to see what selfish really is.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I've been called selfish purely cuz of the fact that I don't want kids. I don't really get that reasoning; surely it would be more selfish to have kids and not be able to look after them?

[jackfaire]

I've been called selfish purely cuz of the fact that I don't want kids. I don't really get that reasoning; surely it would be more selfish to have kids and not be able to look after them?

Exactly! There was a webcomic once where a character said, "Your going to adopt kids instead of having your own that's so selfish"

As the character this was said to knows the only way that would be selfish is if there were a shortage of kids needing a home and taking one away from parents unable to have children then yes that would be selfish but given the sheer number of unwanted kids in the world not selfish at all.