Strangers Giving Parenting "Advice"

[jackfaire]

Having explained how I deal with things like that, I can understand not wanting advice from people who don't know you or your circumstances.

I think it most cases it is relatively easy to ignore the advice it's usually most annoying in the situations where the person realizes your going to ignore their advice and they get upset because they feel that they aren't just giving you advice but telling you how to properly raise your child the way they want you to and they have the right to do so.

[anakhouri]

The OP was way nicer than I would have been. The second time she opened her mouth I would have told her to bugger off.

I only give people parenting advice if they ask for it, or if their kid is doing something seriously dangerous, or if their kid does something negative to my kid (and then I usually confront the kid, because the parent is rarely around in those cases). I appreciate when people give me the same courtesy.

I agree it's usually other parents who do this; often older people who want you to know how they did it in their day. My kid is 2 and still alive, thanks. I'm doing OK, I think.

[bainsidhe]

The employee could've been more considerate when approaching the mother, but whether or not I'd complain would depend on if the worker's reaction was a "I know better than you" scolding or if the comments were out of actual concern for the child, misplaced though they were.

I've had parents get angry at me for trying to "save" their child from cracking a head open while they monkey around and swing dangerously in shopping carts. A 2 yr old standing up in the front seat of a shopping cart while mommy is pushing it invites disaster. As a human being, I don't want to see some poor child injured because the parent isn't watching them. As an employee, I don't want to have a child injured on the premises and have the store sued because our carts are dangerous. I'm the bad guy because I'm interrupting little Johnny's fun time.

I guess that's why I'd just shrug off the worker's involvement and move on. The worker shouldn't have attacked the OP like that, but I can appreciate wanting to butt into what one feels is a dangerous situation.

[jackfaire]

Apparently telling my mom about a visit with my daughter is the trigger for, "Must give you unsolicited advice"

I let my daughter eat desserts and my mom apparently felt the need to tell me how bad it is to let my daughter eat one meal of desserts when she normally eats very healthy.

[boringscreenname]

I haven't really gotten much unsolicited parenting advice. Most of the unsolicited advice I've gotten has come from "medical professionals."

When my son was a newborn we took him in for his check-up. I had to strip him naked so the nurse could weigh him. When the nurse saw my son naked, she noticed that he wasn't circumsized, and said, "Oh he's not circumsized." I told her that his father and I had agreed not to have him circumsized, as we saw no reason for it.

So then she asks me if his father is circumsized, which was totally inappropriate, but I was so stunned that I answered no he's not and that's actually one of the reasons we chose not to have our son circumsized either. So she proceeds to go on this whole huge lecture about how when my son is older he'll notice that his penis looks different than his father's and that he'll start asking questions. Apparently she wasn't listening when I said my husband wasn't circumsized either.

Then she goes on this whole diatribe about why she feels circumcision is necessary and better than being uncircumsized and offered to give us a referral to a doctor who could perform it. I was so shocked by the entire conversation. I did wind up complaining to the Office Manager and wrote a letter to the office, but I never did find out what became of that nurse because we moved shortly afterwards and changed practices.

[KellyHabersham]

The only times unsolicited parenting advice has ever bothered me has been when its come from someone who's never had kids - I think I've mentioned this before over on CS, but my sister and her husband felt I should constantly follow my daughter around and NEVER take my eyes off of her.....if I did, I was a "bad parent" and needed to have CPS called on me. (of course, the threats stopped once they had their kids)

[jackfaire]

Then she goes on this whole diatribe about why she feels circumcision is necessary and better than being uncircumsized and offered to give us a referral to a doctor who could perform it.

I always find it disturbing when people try to use their medical profession to push a personal view point that has nothing to do with what they know medically.

Just because something has become common practice doesn't mean it's medically necessary.

It's been pointed out that annual physicals before a certain age are relatively pointless as most of the warning signs that something is wrong you will notice before your doctor does.

[Rapscallion]

You don't think she was on commission, do you?

Rapscallion

[jackfaire]

You don't think she was on commission, do you?

Rapscallion

Not really but I think it's like anytime you see bias in the medical profession. Doctor or Nurse has personal beliefs not backed up by any medical data and acts as if they are.

Like assuming women don't suffer from heart disease because they are women.

Or ignoring a guy if he says he feels a lump on his chest cuz only women get breast cancer.

[Hyena Dandy]

Then she goes on this whole diatribe about why she feels circumcision is necessary and better than being uncircumsized and offered to give us a referral to a doctor who could perform it.

See, I don't have an opinion one way or the other. I was circumcised, and I don't think it matters one way or another. I've never understood why people care so much about it.

[jackfaire]

I've never understood why people care so much about it.

Some people are concerned that it's traumatizing the child. Also I think the other concern is if that elective procedure becomes thought of as "necessary" how many others will get to that point.

[LewisLegion]

Never having had children does =/= not knowing what you're talking about when it comes to raising children.

I have never had children and I know a heck of a lot more when it comes to raising kids than a lot of parents I've met do. Why? I grew up with an in-home daycare. At six years old I was helping to feed and change diapers. By the time I was twelve I was practically a full-time partner in the day care. When I was eighteen I was running the day care by myself and did so for two years. Then the daycare ended, my mother and stepfather seperated, and I raised my two youngest sisters (mother had to work two full time jobs and was also disabled). Helped them with schoolwork, set down rules, enforced punishments, took them to soccor practice, chaperoned field trips, cooked meals, met their friends and friend's parents before allowing sleep-overs, HOSTED sleep-overs, managed finances and allowances...everything any parent did I have done a dozen times over.

But because I haven't actually popped a kid out of a bodily orifice I am constantly told I couldn't possibly have ANY idea what I'm talking about.

[jackfaire]

But because I haven't actually popped a kid out of a bodily orifice I am constantly told I couldn't possibly have ANY idea what I'm talking about.

For me it's never about whether or not the person has a kid it's that they don't know my kid. At least if family members are offering advice they are doing so on the basis they know my kid and they know how I am with my kid.

When me and my daughter are out though I don't need to hear advice on what I should let my daughter eat. I know my daughter thinks of veggies as yummy snack so no I am not going to be worrying about the fact she wants to eat dessert for a meal when normally she eats very healthy and we are out at a place where she can have as much treats as she wants.

There are life or death situations where yes I applaud bystanders stepping in but if it's a matter of, "My way of doing it is different than your way" then it is none of the other person's business.

To bring up the OP basically this person may know a lot about kids and may know many kids of that age who are prone to choke on chicken bones. The parent however is clearly watching their daughter and knows what their kid can handle.

[LewisLegion]

I understand. I would never offer a total stranger parental advice. My gripe mostly comes in that people with whom I am acquainted (most times, very well acquainted) who have children will gripe about something or ask the general group advice on something, but as soon as I speak up my advice/comment is immediately disregarded as 'oh, well you don't have kids, so you don't know/understand'.

It falls right in there with my grandmother's 'you'll never really be happy until you're married and have children' BS on my pet-peeve-o-meter.

[Glados]

"My way of doing it is different than your way" then it is none of the other person's business. "

This is what I was getting at. I would appreciate it if someone stepped in if one of my children was in danger but so many people now see danger in everyday situations and intervene. They think that anything other than their way will irrevocably harm the child. Not so. I am all for standing up for those that cannot defend themselves but there has to be a good reason to disturb someone's day.