"No We Didn't"

[blas87]

In recent times, my parents have been practically denying things that they did when I was younger. I'm finding it a bit disturbing. I'm not sure if they are doing this because someone else is around while we're talking, or they are embarrassed or maybe they just don't want to admit they were like Quakers, or what the deal is. But it's annoying.

Last weekend, I had my boyfriend over, and we were all sitting outside and my mom was talking about the church she and my dad go to, and we got on the topic of Sunday school and Confirmation and stuff like that. Being the bitcher I am, I whined about how I had to waste every Wednesday night at Confirmation at church and never wanted to go, and how my brother and I were forced to get up every Sunday morning to go to church.

My mom denied it. She said "It was always your choice whether or not you wanted to go."

No, it wasn't. My mother's rule was that we HAD to go to church every Sunday, be in Sunday school, then Confirmation. We could only make the choice of whether or not we wanted to continue church AFTER confirmation. That WAS the rule. I don't know why she lied about it.

I don't understand why she'd lie and deny it. Is it because company was over? Perhaps she was actually embarrassed about the draconian rules growing up? I have no idea. But it's upsetting.

[DrFaroohk]

Sometimes people misuse the word "choice". Yes, you had the choice to not go. And your mom had the choice to ground you, take away your TV, hit you with the belt, and go to bed with no supper too. that's how these things work sometimes.

[protege]

No, it wasn't. My mother's rule was that we HAD to go to church every Sunday, be in Sunday school, then Confirmation. We could only make the choice of whether or not we wanted to continue church AFTER confirmation. That WAS the rule. I don't know why she lied about it.

My mom did that too. She dragged the entire family (including my dad...who is *not* Catholic!) to church every damn Sunday. Never mind that I went to Catholic grade school, and was a bit tired of religion being shoved down my throat. Plus, I had a paper route...and Sundays simply weren't my favorite days--I'd get up around 5 or 6am, spend a couple hours delivering papers...and be tired as hell when I'd come home. Did I get a chance to get some sleep? Of course not! Instead, I had to eat breakfast...and then get in the car to go to church. Did I mention that she insisted we show up about an hour early so we'd "get a seat" and then spend another hour-plus afterwards where she talked to friends?

That, plus the CCD classes I got stuck with while in high school...probably explains why I'm not religious at all. None of that crap *was* my choice.

[jackfaire]

I think a lot of it has to do with changing social standards and what is acceptable.

For example if your parents were the kind that spanked and we now live in a time where that is considered almost child abuse they might be hesitant to admit they did that.

Other reasons could be a "I wish I hadn't done that so for my own pleasure boom history is changed"

[Eisa]

My parents deny a lot of things, too. Like my mom tried to deny that I'd broken my nose when I was 3 and that they didn't do anything about it.

Well, no, that happened because that was why I couldn't breathe through my nose until I was 16 and had surgery. It didn't heal properly. The doctor could tell ffs.

Anyway, it might be embarrassment or shame or feeling like you're accusing them of being bad parents or...something?

My parents deny all the bad things they did or try to blame them on me, but that's probably usual.

[HotelKatz]

My father denies some of the ways he used to make fun of me.

[Andara Bledin]

Memory is not absolute.

People's memories of their own pasts change over time. They can't help it.

An article discussing the fallibility of memory

^-.-^

[blas87]

Thing is, my parents aren't even at an age where memory would be failing. It would have to be just being selective or just being contradicting on purpose.

They've even denied groundings and other punishments I had as a teenager, basically saying that I grounded myself or that I made it up to make them look bad. I never grounded myself, and while I'm sure I've exaggerated a time or few before in my life, I never exaggerated my punishments. They were real. They were harsh. It's irritating that they deny that they did it, especially Mom. Or that they deny refusing to let me be friends with people or date certain guys.

Oh, and protege, I hear you on the church thing. While we are Lutheran, my parents INSISTED we be the first people there. Hell, we were there before the pastor at times (granted, the last pastor was a real slacker). We were usually at least 45 minutes early. Then, we'd have to stay afterwards and my parents would talk and talk and talk and have coffee with the rest of the congregation, and my brother and I had to sit and wait if there wasn't Sunday school.

One day I got so mad that I started walking home. I got grounded for that.

[Andara Bledin]

It's not a matter of age or failing memory. We all do this. Constantly. What we think of as our memories are more often just the core concepts remembered and the rest filled in by our psyches.

It's like with vision. We can't actually see everything that is in front of us, so our brains fill in the blanks as we go, based on what we've seen before. This is why optical illusions work; they use the "blind spots" in our vision and then put in things that aren't what the mind fills in so that when the eye actually sees what's really there, it appears as if the image is moving or changing colors when it isn't.

It's also just as possible that your memories are not what you think they are. Unless you recorded the events at the time they happened, you can't really trust that what you remember is actual fact. It's just another part of being human that most people don't understand.

^-.-^

[blas87]

I'm also inclined to think that they want this guy to like them, so they made be trying to deny it so he doesn't think they were overly crazy parents.