Being held ransom.

[jackfaire]

If my ex-mother in law who has custody of my daughter has plans come up she will take my daughter over to my ex-wife's.

My ex-wife has the same visitation rules I have but gets to see my daughter more than I do. Hell her boyfriend sees my daughter more than I do.

Basically I am limited to every other Saturday. As such I get weekend dad status and most of my life sadly doesn't involve my daughter so while most of my friends know she exists and she has met some of them.

The problem with the visit arrangement is that it's used to hold me ransom. If I have to reschedule a visit for any reason whatsoever I am made to feel like crap.

When some friends wanted to take me out for my birthday I got a lecture about how selfish I was being. I was like, "It's my birthday I just want to be able to see her the next day you know when you guys have no freaking plans"

Some friends want me to go with them to the beach this Saturday to enjoy one of the last weekends of summer. Kids are welcome I wanted to take my daughter I think she would have fun. Not only am I getting the "no you can't take her " but I am getting the "we will not reschedule you can just skip this visit or you can show up you are a horrible person for not always putting her first and ever daring to do anything that's for you even though we do that all of the time."

It drives me nuts. First they limit my visits and then basically if I try to reschedule because hey guess what it is fucking possible to do both things then I am a horrible dad.

I WANT HER TO GO WITH ME EVEN!!!!

Sorry but seriously it's like I am not allowed to have a life I am being kept on a leash until I am 40 and then I can go find some 20 year olds that don't mind me living the life I have missed.

Neither of those two have to put their lives on hold for my daughter and both do pretty much whatever the hell they want.

Look I love my daughter and I understand how important my presence is in her life but I don't like being kept on a leash like a dog and viewed as the irresponsible one when I try to juggle family and the rest of my life.

[blas87]

I am simply amazed at how screwed fathers get when it comes to custody of their kids, just due to not being with the mother.

And I mean, I get that a lot of guys are worthless cocksmokers instead of fathers. But, there are also plenty of petty, selfish, money-grubbing stupid bitches instead of mothers.

I just can't wrap my head around people who use children as bargaining chips or ammunition/blackmail to get back at their ex. It's so horrible. Perhaps your situation isn't quite that dire, but it's not fair to you at all.

[jackfaire]

I just can't wrap my head around people who use children as bargaining chips or ammunition/blackmail to get back at their ex. It's so horrible. Perhaps your situation isn't quite that dire, but it's not fair to you at all.

Yeah while my situation isn't fair it's not as bad as some guys have it. Part of what pisses me off is that my ex-mother in law always frames it as me thinking only of myself if I reschedule a visit.

Earlier in the summer I rescheduled to Sunday not because I had anything going on that Saturday but because the Library was having it's grand opening and doing this whole thing of people dressed up as book characters for the kids and making a big deal about the kids first library cards and such.

She thought of that as me rescheduling for my own personal benefit. It wasn't.

There have been literally in 9 years 2 times I rescheduled for my benefit one was because I had told friends I would show up to events they were doing to show my support and the other was because a visit happened to fall on my birthday and my friends wanted to take me out.

I got lectured for the birthday thing. For "putting myself first" We got in a big fight about that because I felt it was unfair that they could themselves rearrange plans with my daughter anyway that suited them since they are involved with my daughter all the time but keeping me to a "if something falls on a visit day tell your friends you can't"

[HYHYBT]

I'm continually amazed at how much trouble some people give their exes over visitation. It seems like it could only be made worse by custody being with a third party with a presumable bias. My only experience with custody matters was as a child, and although Dad sued for custody of me and my brothers a couple years after the divorce, both of them were good about cooperating when there needed to be an adjustment to the schedule for whatever reason. Complicated all the more by the judge deciding the custody dispute in a "split the baby" fashion, not only sending me to Dad and leaving my brothers with Mom, but leaving us on completely separate visitation schedules. So in any given four weeks I'd see them either six days or two, changing each time a month had five Fridays.

More explanation than it was really worth.... but they cooperated and traded time as needed mostly without trouble.

[Nyoibo]

Are you in a situation where you could get changes made to either custody or visitation?

[jackfaire]

Are you in a situation where you could get changes made to either custody or visitation?

Only by taking her to court and battling it out there. In the end that would hurt my daughter. I am not willing to put her through that. I will gripe but for her sake I will put up with the BS and just try to schedule my life around the visits.