People offering me help I don't need or want

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

I'm short. I've always been short. I live with it. I accept it, I deal with it.

If I have to climb up on a chair or stool to reach something, I do.

Yes, I sometimes struggle with reaching things that are up high.

Yes, I may have a slightly more difficult time moving/pushing/pulling/lifting large heavy objects than a normal sized person but 99 times out of 100, I can manage it with limited difficulty.

While I appreciate people who try to help me, I wish they'd understand that if I needed help I would ask for it.

Yes, it's a pride thing. I want to be seen as normal, I don't want to be seen as inadequate or lesser abled than any other human being. I'd rather do something for myself even if it takes a little longer than asking someone else to do it for me. That may not make sense, but it's how I feel.

Since I've been in school, there have been numerous times that people have helped me out without asking (grabbing something off a top shelf for me, helping me with moving something heavy). Sometimes they'll push me out of the way completely and just do it themselves.

While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't always appreciate the actions.

I may be small, but I'm still a perfectly able bodied adult male and would like to be treated just like any other.

[Andara Bledin]

If I were in that situation, I'd swallow my pride and stop climbing up on chairs just so I could prove I was self-sufficient. It's not worth a broken neck.

Sometimes, being the bigger man involves admitting that there are things that are better left to other people.

I get that where people offer to lift or carry things for me because I'm female. And I go ahead and let them. It's not worth getting wound up over, and I've usually got bigger fish to fry.

^-.-^

[Amanita]

I used to work a job with a lot of manual labor, and it pissed me off to no end when people just *took things away from me* instead of giving me the help I asked for. For example, I would be trying to move something heavy that's a two-person job. I would have one end of said object well in hand, and ask for one other person to come and get the other end. Instead, the guys would come over and completely take it away from me, leaving me standing there with empty hands, feeling ineffective and useless. Seriously, people! I'm female, not some delicate porcelain doll!

[Evandril]

Yes, it's a pride thing. I want to be seen as normal, I don't want to be seen as inadequate or lesser abled than any other human being. I'd rather do something for myself even if it takes a little longer than asking someone else to do it for me. That may not make sense, but it's how I feel.

Working on aircraft for a living makes you more aware of the advantages of different body styles...If I see someone shorter than me trying to get something high, I'll offer to help...and I know it'll be balanced by them helping me out when we've got to crawl into some tight area I can't fit in. Admittedly, I *offer*, I don't just do it for them, though I do reserve the right to point and laugh at their efforts if they turn me down

The only time it annoys me when someone doesn't accept help is when it's going to slow me or my troops down, or get us in trouble (anything over 50lbs requires two people to lift it, even if your pride says you can do it alone)

[Andara Bledin]

I would have one end of said object well in hand, and ask for one other person to come and get the other end. Instead, the guys would come over and completely take it away from me, leaving me standing there with empty hands, feeling ineffective and useless. Seriously, people! I'm female, not some delicate porcelain doll!

Meh. I've got more than enough work to keep me busy, and if they take it away completely, it then becomes their problem.

I particularly like abandoning them when they don't know what to do with said item. "Oh, you need guidance? I thought you had it handled, since you went and grabbed it away from me and all. You mean you weren't offering to do my job when you came over here and started doing my job?"

^-.-^

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

If I were in that situation, I'd swallow my pride and stop climbing up on chairs just so I could prove I was self-sufficient. It's not worth a broken neck.

Sometimes, being the bigger man involves admitting that there are things that are better left to other people.

I get that where people offer to lift or carry things for me because I'm female. And I go ahead and let them. It's not worth getting wound up over, and I've usually got bigger fish to fry.

^-.-^

I appreciate where you are coming from but I don't consider climbing up on a chair a particularly dangerous activity. If I am by myself I have no other choice.

And not trying to sound sexist here but there is a difference in perception depending upon whether or not the small person is a male as opposed to a female. Small men are less common than small women and typically men are considered the physically stronger of the genders. Hence its more common for a woman to potentially need assistance.

Again, no disrespect meant to you or anyone else by this comment.

[Cymberleah]

As a female who has worked in a job that requires decent carrying capability for over fifteen years now, my upper body strength is above average. Even so, I'll occasionally need to ask for help to move things.

I never fail to enjoy the "Oh, sh--!" expression on someone's face when they go to pick up a box I set down, then realize that it was 50-60# and they're going to need a better grip.

That said, if I go to help someone out, it will be because it is easier for me than for another, and why not let life be as easy as possible? I'm not saying you can't do something, or that you shouldn't do something, or trying to imply that there is any sort of status difference (worse/better) in my ability to perform an action.

For me, it's simple. If I can, if it's easier for me, if it looks like a bother to you, I'll help. Not because you can't, but because life's never long enough and one might as well try to make stuff less bothersome all around.

To you, the implication that you need assistance is more of a bother than the actual task at hand. I don't know if it would be easier to explain that to people, or to try to be Zen and not let the annoyance reach the level of being actually irksome.

There have been times when I have asked for help and have had someone take over the task. Part of me gets a bit grumpy, but really, if Dude X wants to carry the 80# box by himself instead of simply helping me like I had asked, well, that's his prerogative. And his backache. It's not worth me getting fashed over, not in the long run.

[Andara Bledin]

Small men are less common than small women and typically men are considered the physically stronger of the genders. Hence its more common for a woman to potentially need assistance.

I'm on the other end. More often than not, in the carrying situation, I'm larger than the person I'm asking to help me. And yet, they still make the assumption that just because I'm female, I'm weaker than they are.

At least in the case of height, it's pretty much set that if your reach is 6' and the item is 6.5', the person with the 7' reach should be allowed to grab it.

As for the safety of chairs, most of the time it's not an issue, but worker's comp insurance will have issues if there's an accident and the person needing to get higher was standing on a chair as opposed to something that was designed for the purpose at hand.

^-.-^

[jackfaire]

I don't know how tall the OP is but I am 5'7 and my friends get no end of delight when mocking me as I reach for a foot stool to get the top shelf.

[linguist]

As for the safety of chairs, most of the time it's not an issue, but worker's comp insurance will have issues if there's an accident and the person needing to get higher was standing on a chair as opposed to something that was designed for the purpose at hand.

^-.-^

i know that at my store, if you're using anything other than an approved ladder or stepstool, and you're witnessed by a manager, you'll be written up. if there's an accident, the company will pay for your medical treatment, but then you'll find yourself out of a job.

[Eisa]

I'm 5'3".

I feel your pain, I need a stepstool to get into most cabinets. I still hate when people assume that I need help and take over. Ask me first, please. Chances are, I probably do need help, but I'd still prefer someone ask than assume.

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

I'm 5'3".

I feel your pain, I need a stepstool to get into most cabinets. I still hate when people assume that I need help and take over. Ask me first, please. Chances are, I probably do need help, but I'd still prefer someone ask than assume.

Agree completely. I do almost all of my chair standing at home. I am far more careful at work due to the insurance issue.

[Kaylyn]

I'm a woman in a man's job. Never fails that I get men all over me wanting to help me when I don't need the help. But when I'm obviously having trouble...they're nowhere to be found.