Myself

[Greenday]

Yes, that's right, I hate myself. Let's see, where to start. How about:

I'm a shitty boyfriend. I treat my girlfriend like crap. I don't hit her or verbally abuse her. I'm worse than that. I use her. No matter how much I tell myself and want to believe that I'm not going to do anything when I'm with her, I lose control of myself and I do. She keeps giving me chance after chance after chance and every time, I screw it up. Our relationship practically is only physical. She wants me to talk. That's something I suck at doing. I'm the master of killing conversations. A conversation stops nearly immediately after I enter it. Any conversation that I start, I can count how many minutes it will last on one hand. I have about as much empathy as a rock. I suck at responding to other people's feelings. I'm about as big a thinker as possible. I use logic for anything and everything. So no matter how much I want to help her when she's feeling blue, I can't. I'm as lazy as it gets. I'm smart, extremely smart. IQ tests, any standardized test, are easy for me. I can do them in my sleep. So why did I finish with only a 3.79 in high school? High school was easy as hell. I could have had over a 4.0 if I had studied AT ALL in high school, but I didn't. I did the bare minimum to get through. I'm halfway through college right now. I am barely above a 2.5. I don't give a crap that my major is ridiculously hard. I just cannot physically or mentally force myself to study. If I did, I probably would have at least a 3.5 despite how hard it is. I'm in ok shape physically. I'm not fat by any means, but I have a slight gut these days and my chest isn't muscle, that's for sure. I used to be in really good shape when I lifted wieghts three times a week for football, but since I've quit, I can't force myself to go to the gym. I can't eat right for the life of me. Either I don't eat, or I'll eat crap. I'm as picky an eater as it gets. The only vegetables I eat are carrots, greenbeans, and potatoes. I don't eat salad. I like a couple fruits, but I only eat them every now and then.

So, to summerize it up:
I'm a shitty boyfriend.
I'm a shitty student.
I'm lazy as hell.
I'm out of shape.
I suck at life.

[Slytovhand]

So... you hate yourself because you have a major lack of motivation?

So... do something about it...???

Do you want your girlfriend? Do you really want her in your life? Do you care about her? Or, is it just that she's 'convenient'? Or is it more that you have issues getting to your emotional side... let alone expressing it?

Other than having a girlfriend, doing football and eating habits... get out of my life!!!! (meaning... over the last couple of days, I went into a more serious depression about...stuff.. and only just managed to come out of it by planning a couple of things... still months to do though - but most comes down to 'motivation').


Look at it this way... 1more post and you'll be on 400... can't be that bad at Fratching then

Slyt

[AFPheonix]

I think everyone gets kind of depressed in college. I know I did. You can try the counsellor and possibly SSRI route, but I suspect probably just getting off your butt would be cheaper and more effective.
Go get some exercise. That will do wonders for how you feel, and it helps keep your brain in shape, too.
If you're not a good conversationalist, then at least try to be a good listener. Ask her about her day to start, listen for other stuff you can ask about. That way, you don't have to talk as much, and you can pretend you're being a good conversationalist. That's probably something your girlfriend would appreciate. Go and do something with her. That can help generate stuff to talk about, too. Heck, kill two birds with one stone and go exercise together.
Having trouble staying motivated studying? Kick your ass, go up and ask a classmate to study with you. That way, you can't back out of it, and you get more out of the groupwork.
Or, alternatively, find a study place where you're not tempted to do something else like surf the internet or stare at the wall or whatever.
It's hard to eat decent when you're in the dorms. I actually ended up eating better once I got into an apartment and was cooking for myself, because getting fruits and veggies and basic meal components was a lot cheaper than buying overly processed food products. I felt better, too.

[Seshat]

You sound clinically depressed. This is, of course, the diagnosis of a stranger on the internet on the basis of a single forum post.

Depression has been described as 'the cold of the mind'. Most people get it at some point in their life, even if only as a normal part of the grieving process.

Some people can get out of it on their own. You may find a counsellor helps, you may find that religion helps, you may find that just forcing yourself to eat better and to exercise helps.

Some people need to be taught mental tools for getting out of depressions. Psychologists and psychiatrists have collections of tools that help people - different tools for different folk. Many religions and spiritual practices also have tools (and research psychologists and psychiatrists find religious practices to be a great source of tool ideas).

Some people need temporary chemical help to get out of a depression. They're too far into the depression to learn the tools. Drugs can help them get out of the current depression enough to learn the tools that will both get them out fully, and help them avoid getting that deeply depressed ever again.

Do yourself a favour. Bully yourself into getting help. It'll be worth it.

[powerboy]

Yes, that's right, I hate myself.

Dude, I hate you too.

Seriously, I think that you are cool

Now that you have down everything that you hate about yourself. Write down different ways that you can better yourself in each gray area of your life. And when you can, just try to do one of the things that you wrote down to better yourself.

[blas87]

Ex bf, is that you?????

Just kidding you know I think the world of you hun, but that was really eery. Now excuse me while I comb down all the hairs on the back of my neck.

[Slytovhand]

Hey GD.

It's been a little while since you've posted this, and hopefully you've come out of that mood you were in (I know about them, trust me... well - not the 'shitty boyfriend' for a few years now )

But... here's an idea worth trying, no matter how ridiculous it might sound. Go on... just do it!!

Take a look around you, and find something that you can change. It doesn't have to be major... change the position of your mouse. Or keyboard. Or the position of the monitor. How about your clothes. etc etc etc.

Keep doing this until... well - you get it!

The idea is to get a person to actually realise that they have the power to change things in their life (rather than just saying it in their heads - it becomes 'Hey, I can do something...')

Slyt

[Greenday]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. It always just feels like all your problems just stack up on you at the same time, never one thing at a time. This year of college was a tough one for me. Fall was more about me not doing that great in my classes. This semester, well, I had to deal with a potentially life-screwing up situation because I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have. My dad's been trying to come back more into my life after I kicked him out of it. More problems with classes being so hard it feels like I never have time for anything else. And some fights with my girlfriend. It just all keeps adding up, and it never seems like there's going to be a time where everything is just fine and I can relax and just not worry about anything at all.

One thing I've noticed is how insignificant things I used to worry about seem now. If I had known I'd have to deal with the problems I have now when I was a kid, I don't know how I would have made it this far. If I didn't have such a supporting family, I'd never have made through any of it.

[Seshat]

Times come and go. Good times, bad times, they all pass.

I learned this on a bus trip into town. I sat down next to this really old guy, and he was obviously in a mood to talk. So we talked about life.

He'd lived through the Great Depression (1920s), both world wars, Korea, Vietnam, and the Cold War. And the lasting message he'd gained from it all was: survive.

Bad things happen, bad times come, but stick it out. It'll pass. And cherish the good times when they happen, because they'll pass too.

[AFPheonix]

Most definitely. The other thing that helps me if I think I'm coming against something insurmountable is to remember that I'm hardly the first person to encounter this problem, and if all those other schmucks could get through it successfully, well, so can I.

[DesignFox]

... if all those other schmucks could get through it successfully, well, so can I.

I like that.

Maybe it's bad of me to put others down, but ya know...sometimes, I think that, too!