"But I like to whine about my lot in life..."

[Ree]

I think one of my biggest pet peeves is people who piss and moan about what a crappy situation they are in, but when given all kinds of really great advice, they have every excuse in the book why they can't do anything about it.
Then they throw up their hands and say, "Oh well, I guess I'm just destined to live my life in this pile of shit."

Seriously, it pisses me off.

I know people like that both in real life and on line, and I get really tired of it
Eventually, I just want to wash my hands of them.

True, we can't always know a person's situation, and it has happened to me that well meaning people have offered advice that I can't possibly take, but still, there are some people who just give me a headache the minute they start to talk, because I know it's just going to be more of the same "poor little me" garbage.

[blas87]

My former coworker Drunken Victim was exactly that way. Always the victim. And although it got to a point where no one would say anything anymore, or just offer a terse "Quit drinking!" or "Work some OT then!" to his whining, he still never stopped whining. You could even get him to admit that he just loved to whine.

When the answer to the question is that simple...quit drinking, get counselling for your drinking problem, work some extra hours to make more money, quit cheating on your girlfriend, and you hear excuse after excuse, after excuse, it's exhausting. He was an emotional vampire who sucked the joy and fun out of everyone with his mere presence, his constant pout and long face.

I mean, to an extent, I can understand people who just want to vent, and don't have the option of quitting their job, can't risk getting a bad reptuation by going to the boss, or don't have the means to sue someone over $100 they were screwed out of, and some people on these forums really need to understand that before giving that kind of "hop to it" advice, but I get what is meant by the OP. There are some people that just refuse any common sense advice or logic, and almost want to stay miserable.

[kiwi]

LOL tell us how you really feel Ree, don't hold back at all!

I totally agree.

[telecom_goddess]

LOL tell us how you really feel Ree, don't hold back at all!

I totally agree.

I agree too. I get tired of people like that and I know plenty online and in person. Just stfu and fix your situation already!!

[Glados]

Wow. I wonder why people seem to think that it is so easy to just fix their life situation? I have recently dealt with something similar and I have to say that I find it quite hurtful when people suggest that I should just shut up or change myself. The problems that I have been fighting against are problems in larger groups. I don't see why I should have to accept abuse or sacrifice myself in order to make other people happy. Societies don't grow and make positive changes without those of us willing to stand up for ourselves and educate other people about the harm caused by ignorance.

Beating alcoholism is not something that a person can just do.
Not everyone can change jobs or even get a job.
Parents cannot always do everything without help.
People are not solely responsible for what happens to them. Other people and society as a whole play a role in the creation of problems.

I am tired of hearing people say that those with problems need to "do something about it" and ignoring the reality of the situation. If you don't want to care about other people then don't listen to them but do not imply that people's problems are trivial. You add to the problems at that point.

[Ree]

I acknowledged that there are often situations that can't be easily resolved, but sometimes, even baby steps can help ease some of the load.

There are programs and agencies available, but they don't come seeking you out to ask if they can help.
You have to do the legwork.

Sometimes, even making that phone call can get the ball rolling.
To sit there and complain because you can't afford help or don't know any number to call, and then get handed a list of numerous local numbers to free programs and services, but still use excuses such as being unable to fit the time to make the call into your schedule, or not having enough time left on a cell phone seems like an excuse to me.

Employers don't come looking for you. You have to get out there and look.
You have to sell yourself.

If a person keeps getting turned down after every job interview, then the suggestion that they look at how they are presenting themselves is not an unreasonable suggestion.

To complain about not being able to find a job, but then getting all kinds of suggestions to help find work, or having someone offer to rework a resume or even come to your home and help pick out job-seeking outfits, but then refusing to set a date to do it, or forgetting to email the resume, to me, is using excuses to avoid getting that help.

If a seemingly healthy and able-bodied person complains of a lack of stamina and energy, then making viable suggestions for positive lifestyle changes such as diet and an exercise regimen is also not unrealistic.

If there is a possibility of an illness related to that lack of energy and stamina, then making a suggestion to visit a doctor is also not out of the question. If they counter with the argument that they cannot afford medical care, then suggesting that they seek out a free clinic is also not impractical.

Sometimes, people are so comfortable with their misery that the possibility of positive change scares them.

Some develop a victim mentality.

Some are in abusive or stressful family situations, but they have become so conditioned to it that they have become codependent.

I am not discounting the despair or fear that they are feeling, but when someone is alone against the world that is one thing.
When they are handed all kinds of resources and help on a platter, and they know they have people in their corner who will do all they can to help them, yet refuse to make a move, or counter with more negativity and excuses, that is frustrating and annoying, and that's when I give up and wash my hands of them because they obviously only wanted to vent and have everyone tell them how sucky their life is. They really weren't looking for any help to make changes for the better.

[AdminAssistant]

If a person keeps getting turned down after every job interview, then the suggestion that they look at how they are presenting themselves is not an unreasonable suggestion.

To complain about not being able to find a job, but then getting all kinds of suggestions to help find work, or having someone offer to rework a resume or even come to your home and help pick out job-seeking outfits, but then refusing to set a date to do it, or forgetting to email the resume, to me, is using excuses to avoid getting that help.

In that same category are people who complain about being unemployed but who only seek jobs in their fields. Going to retail or food service after working an office job sucks, but it's better than unemployment, IMO.

[the_std]

There is a certain thread I can think of that is beginning to drive me batty. There are a hundred things that this person could do to improve their station in life and get out of an unhealthy situation, but every suggestion, every scrap of advice and every bit of support that this person has received gets dropped into a bucket of "but I caaaaaaaan't!!!!!" and I wonder why people still bother trying to help this person.

People who ask for help but then do nothing but make excuses deserve every bit of misery they beget upon themselves.

[Ree]

There is a certain thread I can think of that is beginning to drive me batty.

I want to be clear that I am not referring to any one person.

I have encountered this situation in real life as well as online, and it has happened numerous times over many years.

[Glados]

Those are all reasonable offers of help. The advice of "quit drinking" is not realistic nor is it an offer of help. Offering to help someone with a resume is real help. Insisting that a mother of two toddlers should work two full time jobs is not reasonable. I was referring only to the types of advice that are not real advice.

Working food service is not always an option for those of us who are unemployed. Most places do not want to hire someone with tons of credentials because they know that the person will leave as soon as they can.

There is a difference between a realistic offer of help and pointless advice. It is also, IMO, irresponsible to encourage people not to talk about problems. Problems cannot be fixed if they are hidden.

[the_std]

Oh, I've seen it too, more times than I should have in my 23 years. I've seen it from my brother, from my sister, and I've done it myself. Granted, not to the same point as my earlier example, but I stagnated in a past job because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and I wasn't really willing to take anyone's advice into account.

So the thread I was referring to was just the most recent example that I could think of. The person I'm referring to is not alone in their behaviour.

[Andara Bledin]

Working food service is not always an option for those of us who are unemployed. Most places do not want to hire someone with tons of credentials because they know that the person will leave as soon as they can.

While this is often the case, it's no excuse to not even apply.

When I was out of work, I hit every place that put up an ad with an app or resume, as suited the establishment. This included McDonalds. Sure, they didn't ever call me back or talk to me when I called them, but at that point, it was on their end.

The only guaranteed way to fail is to not even try. I can't stand people who give up before they've even started. Particularly if they're in a situation that I have been in and worked to get myself out of.

^-.-^

[AdminAssistant]

One of my Fiance's colleagues has a Ph.D. but wasn't getting hired at places because he was "over-qualified." So he started conveniently leaving his master's and Ph.D. off his resume and applications. Falsifying a resume, CV, or application isn't something I would recommend, but if it's what you have to do then...

[Boozy]

I think leaving certain information off your resume is perfectly acceptable. I don't see it as deceptive.

If I had a PhD, I'd leave it off my applications for fast food jobs, since it's completely irrelevant. I'd focus on the skills they want.

[kiwi]

On my resume I have the experiance listed as "Relevant" experiance.
I have a retail/ CSR resume, an office admin/reception resume and an Art field resume each playing up my skills and experiance in roles.

The retail one has ALL of my retail jobs on it going back to highschool. The art field one has only a few jobs but much more about my degree and field of study etc. You should be tailoring your resume to each and every job you apply for.