Simmer Down!

[blas87]

I was guilty of this in the past, and unfortunately, it took me realizing my situations at hand in my own life, and having it done to me on CS and here to realize how annoying this is. And I feel bad for anyone I ever annoyed by doing this to.

Someone posts about their asshole boss. Instantly, an entire page of "Go to HR!" or "Labor board, NOW!"

Someone posts about a bad coworker they had 5 years ago who called them a name or something. Without fail, there's always a reply of "Can't you go to HR about them?"

Someone posts about a customer/client shorting them $100 for a week. There are replies of "SUE!" "Take them to court!" "Sue the bastard!"

Most people just post to vent, and are constantly told to quit, get a new job, polish up the resume. Can't we just vent?

I'm not sure if people just get so riled up that they don't read the whole thing carefully, or that they just don't realize that not everyone can afford to sue someone over $100, or go to HR over every single grievance with a coworker.

I myself had to transfer out of a department, one of the main problems was my boss considered ME the problem for having so many issues with my lazy coworkers. So, after learning from that, I am NOT going to my boss about every single little incident with a coworker I don't get along with. There's no use for it.

And quite frankly, unless your employer is doing something absolutely illegal or immoral, is it really worth running to HR or the labor board over every single policy change that you don't like? I can't afford to not have a job. Sure, there are many things I don't like that change, but I am not going to risk losing my full time job with benefits. I'd be homeless if I just quit because of a principle.

I know people are just trying to be helpful, but some people need to chill out and realize that most of us are working class, average joes and janes, and we can't just be sue-happy willy nilly like some of the customers we vent about, we can't just go running to the boss about every single person who pisses us off or go blowing up the labor board's phone lines with every single grievance we have with our employers.

[Rageaholic]

That sounds like 90% of the responses on Morons in Management. I remember a few stories where the manager just called the poster a name and there were people saying that he or she should go to HR!

Now, I wouldn't discourage someone from going to HR or taking action against unfair management, but there's a line between support and putting unneeded preasure on someone to act, especially if it's just some jerkass manager or coworker. When I tell a story, I just want to tell the story, not have to defend why I did or didn't do something.

[blas87]

Like I said, I was guilty of it before, it wasn't until I started venting just to be reached out to, only to get responses telling me to go to HR or quit or get a new job or report this or that person. No.

I also am not discouraging someone who is experiencing a serious problem from taking action.

There are also threads by members who have ongoing issues at work, it's been proven nothing will be done about these problem managers/coworkers, so it's just to vent and give people a laugh. And yet people still keep saying "Go higher up!" "Go to HR!"

[AdminAssistant]

If one of the faculty called me a name, I would be calling my union representative as I was on my way to file a complaint with the University's Ombudsman and writing a scathing e-mail to the Dean. Ditto if I had a serious issue with a student. No one should have to tolerate that at work, and I don't see anything wrong with encouraging someone to change their situation.

[HYHYBT]

Especially annoying when a more careful reading shows that it happened years ago at a former job, and therefore is over and done with now.

[blas87]

Like I said, I have no issues with someone who wants to get help and fix the problem. We all know our home/work/life situations better than the people on the other side of the screen. It's not that I'm trying to come across as rude and crass, but I feel sometimes people jump the gun and don't realize that some people aren't in a position to leap to such measures just for a minor problem.

I agree with HYHYBT as well. The threads where it states that it's an old story and people still want blood are irritating. But that's probably just because it was skimmed or not read carefully. Can't really fault a person for making a mistake, but at the same time, you can't always cry blood for HR or the labor board when a story is several years old.

[Gravekeeper]

"You should quit and get another job" is practically the number #1 response whenever I tell anyone about my job. It does get tiresome. My job isn't that bad people, I actually kind of like it once you subtract the particularly special callers. Plus not only is finding another job a pain in the ass, but why would I throw away a decade of seniority?

[DrFaroohk]

A lot of these solutions are easier said than done.

"Just quit your job!" Ok, I don't know what economically booming country you live in, where your phone at home is literally ringing off the hook with job offers, but where I live, there are no jobs. There's a few retail stores around (which only hire friends n family) and there's a few banks (which only hires friends n family) and a few restaurants (which only hires friends n family). One might say "If jobs are so precious you need to do what you can to hold on to it!" well actually its more like "MUAHAHAHAHAHA these pathetic sheep HAVE to take this crappy job in my crappy store and I can treat them like crap because they have nowhere else to go!!"

There's also educational limits to jobs. I look in the paper or online a lot for postings and it's all Bachelor degree this and master technician that...and one thing I think people forget is that we can't ALL be college educated engineers/doctors/lawyers/nuclear physicists.

Then there's the "report it" people. "Tell your manager!" "Tell HR!" "Tell the DM!" "Tell the police!"

Yeah, guess what most people don't like. A troublemaker. Guess who is frequently seen as a troublemaker. The guy sitting in your office telling on people. No one likes a troublemaker. If you're the guy that's known for telling the boss, no one will want to work with you. They will undermine and sabotage you just to try and distance themselves from you.

[Rageaholic]

I don't think anyone should have to put up with abuse at work (including namecalling), I just agreeing with blas that some posters get too carried away with telling others to SUE SUE GO TO HR. While there advice may be well intended, it may not be the most practical solution, and it may not have been the posters intent to take drastic action.

I haven't had any personal CS examples, but I've had real life examples of friends bugging me to do something when my intent was only to tell the story. It's discouraging to tell a story when you then find yourself defending why you you didn't take a certain action.

**On a note, I do think there is time to bug someone to take action. Abusive partners, continual harassment from managers, life and death situations, and other serious issues. But not everything on CS amounts to that. Advice is fine, but there's a line between advice and bugging.**

[LexiaFira]

on an unrelated note, and on the lighter side the title reminded me of SNL's Cheri Oteri skits of Simmah Down Now/nah! favorite one is in the returns department, and after alll of the rucus with the one customer the next one comes up and just says take it back nawh! and there is no issue.

On the topic at hand if this has not already been said do forum members now have to state they are just venting because sometimes what seems like a big issue to the OP is not something that can be fixed without seeming like a whiner or tattle tale. Or end up being THAT person that acts on every thing...every little work issue, coworker problem or what have you that always runs to management/HR/person in charge to the point they just say yeah yeah to placate.

If it were asking for advice it would be different. It bothers me that as tight as the job situation is people feel they have to take more crap just to keep a job and that just ads more stress to the already huge mountain or pile.

Adition: Plus the job the OP has can be really good, and we as readers are only hearing the negative parts as Gravekeeper mentioned

[blas87]

My job also isn't the...nightmare that it seems to be when I post. When I post about a coworker, I'm generally pissed off. Venting. A lot of times, a few days later, I'm over it and just respond back to answer questions or add to it if something else happened.

I guess since it's a vent site, we don't always see the positive about our jobs or our customers.

[LexiaFira]

not saying don't vent but that other posters need to realize HEY its a venting site and if others WANT or need your advice they would go to that part of the site!

and basically what you said, blas.

[blas87]

I think this is the last time I'm posting for any type of relationship advice on CS.

I realize people just want to help, and a lot of people think they know just about everything possible about the human psyche.

And I realize I put myself in the situation and it's my own fault I did it.

However, I can't fathom how some people are so quick to scream "Abuse!" "Dump them!" "Get rid of them!"

I can come across as a real no-bullshit fuck-it type person, but even I have enough of a heart to have a hard time just dropping people from my life because of one or two incidents that just involved typical relationship bullshit in your younger years.

If I dropped every single person that someone on here or CS told me to, I'd have no friends. I wouldn't have anyone outside of this computer. Apparently, you must sever ties with anyone who does you wrong in any way. And I have a hard time wrapping my head around that.

To the few people who offered words of actual wisdom and not just bandwagon "ABUSE abuse get rid of him!" dribble, thank you for your time and advice. And I say this not because these people were "on my side", but because they carefully read what I wrote, did NOT turn around and say "Well, sorry but you better dump him!" and "ZOMG he's going to ruin your life!", they offered their own stories and perspectives and ways to maturely handle the situation, instead of all or nothing.

[the_std]

I do think you brought that particular incident on yourself, unfortunately. You tend to post very similar topics when looking for advice or things of that nature on CS (because you generally just tend to post about the bad stuff, as is the nature of the site) and I, too, have noticed a very predictable trend when people ask for advice there. If it's a situation that is extreme in any way, or could possibly lead to a dangerous situation, the advice generally jumps straight to "get out" and things of that nature.

I tend to think that it's because it's very hard to offer real advice that is not on an extreme, because very rarely do we know how to react properly when in difficult situations ourselves, let alone telling other people how to navigate a tricky situation without making things worse. Therefore, they get the validation of having offered advice and tried to help, without any of the responsibility that comes with offering possible wrong advice.

So, blas, while I don't agree with most of what was said, I do think that, given the general nature of your posts and the general trend of advice on CS, it would have been easier not to ask.

Also, anyone who did offer advice in this particular situation on CS that did fit into the 'jump ship' category, please don't read my words as insulting. I, too, have done the same thing in the past, for exactly the same reasons. It took a long time for me to realize what I was doing, how unhelpful it was, and that I should just stop doing it unless I really and truly mean it. Usually only to close friends who are in truly dangerous situations. So I am not casting the first stone, I'm speaking from a point of understanding.

[blas87]

I also didn't mean for it to be insulting, as I noted when I first made this thread (which was more about quit your job, sue, go to HR) that I used to be guilty of "jump the gun" habbit, and until I had it done to me many times, unable to get through to others that I simply can't just walk away from my job or just up and break my lease, that I realized how annoying it was.

I'll just take it as a lesson learned. I realize most people are just a caring bunch, and some pride themselves on their "honesty" and knowledge of the human psyche, but in the same respect, sometimes you can't always judge by one person's point of view, or something written on a forum. I know no one wants to see the worst happen, or even to see me disappointed or hurt. But I have to choose my own path, and I have to say I'm a little disappointed some people jump to such reactions.