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Living with my aunt, that is. I have so beyond had enough, it's not funny. I am applying anywhere I can think of to get away from her, somehow. I am willing to sleep in a refrigerator box in an alleyway, it feels like.
In some ways, I wish she WOULD just up and smack me one or something. I mean, she threatens to. She also threatens to kick me out any time I breathe wrong or say or do anything she even slightly does not like. If she's angry about something else, guess who ends up getting yelled at?
Guess who also gets lectured like a small child for hours about "being an adult?" Yes. You are clearly treating me like an adult.
I moved in on the basis that I would straighten up and do chores around the apartment in exchange for rent. Since I have no income. To her, that means "you are my slave and at my beck and call no matter what.' Which I have attempted to talk to her about, but she'd rather I do everything on HER schedule, HER way, always, no exceptions. She tries to take up so much of my time, the only time I can even look for jobs is late at night.
She constantly tells me how wonderful my family is and how "lucky" my childhood was, and blah blah blah. Which...ok...I haven't exactly been able to tell her otherwise because I know her reaction would NOT be "oh you poor darling," it would be GTFO, you lying bitch. But I have to draw the line at her forcing me to tell her my parents were good examples, and when I told her my dad would "spank" me with his belt so hard, I had bruises for a week, she actually told me that I should forgive him because "sometimes they miss."
That makes ZERO sense. And no, I'm not forgiving his abusive ass! What is wrong with you?
Amid the rest of my mental problems, I have extreme social anxiety. A big part of it is not being able to talk on the phone. I can hardly ever even talk to my friends. When I had an allergic reaction to monistat several months ago and almost screamed, it hurt so bad...it still took quite a pep talk and holding my teddy bear the next day to be able to call my gyn and ask her what else I could do.
I only trust one person completely, and that's my bf. I do not feel comfortable showing my anxiety or panic attacks around her EVER. Why then does she persist in trying to act like my "best buddy" in "getting me over" my anxiety? Fuck off. You MAKE me anxious. You INCREASE my anxiety...a LOT.
And while this is not unique to her, I get SO unbelievably pissed off when I express any sort of difficulty at all, and someone goes "and YOU want to be a psychologist?" Why yes, fuckwad, I do. Do you honestly believe all psychologists are perfect? And do you think I'm about to trot on my merry way to therapy right now? I still need at least 5-7 more years of schooling! I have a bachelor's! You cannot do jack shit with a bachelor's! And again....plenty of psychologists have mental problems. So go fuck yourself with a rusty hatchet sideways.
I just....I NEED to vent. Bluntly.
She's driving me insane. It doesn't matter what I do. It doesn't matter what I say. All that matters to her is what SHE thinks and what SHE believes is right. She's a toxic, emotionally abusive bitch, and I am so far past "had enough," it's pathetic.
Why can't I have ONE normal family member?
In some ways, I wish she WOULD just up and smack me one or something. I mean, she threatens to. She also threatens to kick me out any time I breathe wrong or say or do anything she even slightly does not like. If she's angry about something else, guess who ends up getting yelled at?
Guess who also gets lectured like a small child for hours about "being an adult?" Yes. You are clearly treating me like an adult.I moved in on the basis that I would straighten up and do chores around the apartment in exchange for rent. Since I have no income. To her, that means "you are my slave and at my beck and call no matter what.' Which I have attempted to talk to her about, but she'd rather I do everything on HER schedule, HER way, always, no exceptions. She tries to take up so much of my time, the only time I can even look for jobs is late at night.
She constantly tells me how wonderful my family is and how "lucky" my childhood was, and blah blah blah. Which...ok...I haven't exactly been able to tell her otherwise because I know her reaction would NOT be "oh you poor darling," it would be GTFO, you lying bitch. But I have to draw the line at her forcing me to tell her my parents were good examples, and when I told her my dad would "spank" me with his belt so hard, I had bruises for a week, she actually told me that I should forgive him because "sometimes they miss."
That makes ZERO sense. And no, I'm not forgiving his abusive ass! What is wrong with you?Amid the rest of my mental problems, I have extreme social anxiety. A big part of it is not being able to talk on the phone. I can hardly ever even talk to my friends. When I had an allergic reaction to monistat several months ago and almost screamed, it hurt so bad...it still took quite a pep talk and holding my teddy bear the next day to be able to call my gyn and ask her what else I could do.
I only trust one person completely, and that's my bf. I do not feel comfortable showing my anxiety or panic attacks around her EVER. Why then does she persist in trying to act like my "best buddy" in "getting me over" my anxiety? Fuck off. You MAKE me anxious. You INCREASE my anxiety...a LOT.And while this is not unique to her, I get SO unbelievably pissed off when I express any sort of difficulty at all, and someone goes "and YOU want to be a psychologist?" Why yes, fuckwad, I do. Do you honestly believe all psychologists are perfect? And do you think I'm about to trot on my merry way to therapy right now? I still need at least 5-7 more years of schooling! I have a bachelor's! You cannot do jack shit with a bachelor's! And again....plenty of psychologists have mental problems. So go fuck yourself with a rusty hatchet sideways.
I just....I NEED to vent. Bluntly.
She's driving me insane. It doesn't matter what I do. It doesn't matter what I say. All that matters to her is what SHE thinks and what SHE believes is right. She's a toxic, emotionally abusive bitch, and I am so far past "had enough," it's pathetic.Why can't I have ONE normal family member?
