the abusers and the victims

[LexiaFira]

all the tales of bullying and how it supposed to get better and in the end does not
all the times of the person being abused trying to not fight back with violence
all the times of the person being abused and because its a family or friend just taking it
all the times of the person being abused and even though they know its wrong still make excuses for their abuser

whether the abuse is physical emotional or mental or what have you its still wrong. yes bullying and abuse is wrong and that both people need help as i still believe that their is a reason the person is lashing out. its still wrong but i say BOTH need help not just protect the victim punish the bully/abuser. however

of all the times of the above and no matter how much help is given or good done, in the end the person is gone
the abuser cries omg i miss that person now* (generalization, not specific saying)
more like you miss your punching bag...
and of course anyone that knew the real story and tries to say something is horrible and starting drama while the abuser is crying.
i don't care if that was your child, family member, friend or whatever, you abused that person. and yes you miss that person but it does not justify what you did...all those years, all those secrets....and those that know can't say a word or have and have been ostracized or kicked out in a sense and the truth remains unknown while the abuser is still....there.

of course if i could see both sides i would gladly like to know...but i can't.
and in the few cases i speak of, i often question if i am even worthy to know what i do know let alone more...
it takes me ages to say a word about anything involving the grief over the person who is gone but by now, its not just for one person its for those in my family and friends it happened to and the people we knew here

[Lace Neil Singer]

Every time that I fought back against the bullies at my school, I got punished. First time, I was suspended. I eventually ended up being taught solo; spending lessons in the deputy head's office, cuz apparently I was a troublemaker who started fights for no reason. The headmaster even said to me that I was antisocial and that if I'd tried to socialise properly with the other girls, then they wouldn't have started bullying me. Yeah, right.

It still annoys me a bit (tho not much, since a) I've moved on from all that and b) was much better off at the new school) that I, the victim, ended up being punished just for fighting back at the bullies and in the end, was forced to leave the school and go to another. And apparently, it still goes on. Why should the victim have to leave? Expell the bullies and make them leave.

[LexiaFira]

this isn't just about school this is about life beyond school.
this is the first decade people did shit all about bullying without having a clue about whats really going on. for years it was the thought that bullying is just how it is and there will always be issues like that. yeah now that we as a society are trying to do something about it, it is without the proper tools and ill equipped with info.

I am not saying all the people bullied in school are not important. In fact that counts too, but again, no one really knows how to deal with this beyond separate the two people and punish, be it punish the bully or worse the victim because the victim must have done wrong to provoke the bully...


agreed, punish the bullies but also MAYBE try and find out WHY they are bullying and MAYBE try and fix that problem to prevent future incidents?
Its not just about punishing them but doing more than that. It is the belief the wrong doer should face the consequences for their actions instead of getting away with it.

and yes i am in full on rant...and alot of it was brought on by what happened to one person we all know...and it caused me to think of all the friends i knew...and how i'm fed up with everything

[RecoveringKinkoid]

My daughter knows that no matter what happens with her teachers, no matter what happens with other people, she will never, ever be punished for defending herself by me or her dad.

I intend to teach her how to throw a punch as soon as she's able to throw one properly. She's not to start a fight ever. But she's got the nod from me to finish one.

On the other side of the coin, she also knows that if she's ever the one doing the bullying, it's going to go very, very badly for her.

[Rageaholic]

The headmaster even said to me that I was antisocial and that if I'd tried to socialise properly with the other girls, then they wouldn't have started bullying me. Yeah, right.

I hate that mentality. These idiots fail to understand that it's NOT RIGHT to pick on someone for being different. The public schools hate introverted types and are hell bent on forcing you to change if you're not the social type. Well maybe I don't want to socialize with assholes who pick on me!!!

As far as understanding bullies and abusers, I'm fine with that. There's probably some deep psychological issues or family history that could explain it. However, it must be made clear that it's not the fault of their victims or else you wind up with public school teacher solutions.

[LexiaFira]

again it goes beyond just the school bully/abuser situation, it goes to real life
such as grown folks being mentally or emotionally abused by family members and after hearing it so much honestly think they can do no better even if they did leave..spousal abuse
the whole why don't women leave (referencing another thread)
the whole why stay with that person friend family or other if its so bad?

or at least for me, having been in that situation and gotten out before it got to physical abuse
or watching a beloved friend endure it from his own, knowing he had many other places to go, yet because it was his family he remained and took it
and i know, i didn't live with them every day I am sure there were good sides to them, it just to me doesn't excuse the abuse he got.
same thing from one of my friends in highschool, her mother was a drunk and her dad did everything he could to protect his kids because he wanted them to stay together as a family until the day she took them all with her in the car being the functioning drunk she was acting like she hadn't had anything that day the rest writes it self and is the main reason I abhor drunk driving. the point remains though that she still abused them, her family

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm referencing bullying cuz it's the only thing in your post that I personally have been thru, and so therefore I referenced it.

As for victims being blamed; well, we've all heard of judges picking on rape victims and saying, "Maybe if you hadn't worn a miniskirt/walked home alone/walked thru that neighbourhood, it wouldn't have happened."

[LexiaFira]

ok fair enough
makes me want to have the judge experience the same such rape and then look me in the eye and tell me i asked for it.

[Eisa]

And THAT reminds me of this: this commercial.

[Lace Neil Singer]

While it's extremely stupid to walk down a dark alleyway at night or thru a bad neighbourhood, no-one deserves to be raped as a result of doing so. We all do stupid things in life, so there's no need to act all high and mighty cuz someone did a stupid thing, and got raped. They are not to blame, the only person who's to blame for rape is the rapist.

In a way, it's like what the headmaster said to me about my bullying; namely, that it was my fault that I got bullied, cuz I was antisocial. Well sorry, but like Rageaholic says, I don't really want to get social with bullying bitches who try to make my life hell for some unknown reason.

[DrFaroohk]

While I would never wish bad things to happen to him, I honestly hope Faroohk Jr. has a bully in school so I can handle it properly when the issue comes up.

Cuz first, I'm gonna teach him how to defend himself, something my parents never did. And second, when the bully assaults him and Jr. happens to win the fight, I'm not going to punish him for defending himself, the way my parents did with me.

And when the teacher punishes him for "bullying", even though he wasn't, and he argues with the teacher, and she gets him in MORE trouble for talking back, I'm still going to stick by him because the teacher was wrong in the first place.

And if he gets suspended for it I'm going to make sure he knows he did nothing wrong and that this is a vacation, not a punishment, and I'm going to rub it in the teacher's faces.

And then, I'm going to watch anyone who was involved in his punishment very very closely, and the first time they screw up, they'll be looking for a new job. Teacher so much as pats my kid on the back and she's going to be a registered sex offender.

And that's what happens when you fuck with Dr. Faroohk and his family!!!!!

[LexiaFira]

i think its more of the fact that in response to bullying and other school issues such as drugs and weapons the no tolerance was brought it.
but being as it wasn't well thought out maybe? or not well taught to the teachers or what have you. I say this because alot of the stories i hear/ read here are of teachers scolding or punishing the victim or rape victim instead of the actual bully or person who raped. Wrong way to hold up your own rules.

or in one case as the school I attended, doesn't matter who did it who started it who said what, you are both asked to leave. And this is in response to anyone starting a fight and it gets physical. And both students were told that they should think before they act because they just cost themselves a good education and their parents tuition that honestly could have been better spent.