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...which has been on my mind a lot the last few days, for a variety of reasons. Here goes:
When I was about ten years old, we took a trip to visit relatives 700 miles away. As often happens on long car trips with kids, particularly before in-car DVD players, portable video games, and such, we had a few small toys along. I don't remember what, exactly; I think a travel version of Scrabble was involved, but am not sure. At any rate, there were small pieces. Getting in to leave, I noticed some were missing. On speaking up, I was told that Dad and/or Stepmom (I don't remember and it doesn't matter) had cleaned up and thrown that out. I said something along the lines of its not being trash and wanting it back; they acted as if they hadn't thrown anything away but scrap paper and garbage and that's what I was objecting to. I wanted to get my stuff back out of the trash; they acted as if this were totally unreasonable. This, of course, made me angry and I spoke accordingly. They did let me have back the small bag, saying that I could sort through it on the way home and then we could throw it out there. I took a quick glance in the bag to make sure my stuff really was in there among the genuine trash, then put the bag behind my feet to sort later. After all, it was going to be a long day on the road, and there was plenty of time.
Very few minutes later, we stopped for gas. Dad had me pump it (despite this being against the law) as usual.
Back on the highway, not even long enough that the ramp was out of sight yet, I went to sort my things out of the trash... only to discover the bag was gone. They had thrown it out at the gas station while I was on the other side of the truck and couldn't see. You can imagine my reaction, I suppose; I don't really remember it, only how it felt, first to have my things thrown away, then to be lied to. I was then told three additional things which, again, I still believe to be rationally infuriating: first, the lie that there had never been anything but trash in the bag in the first place; second, that it was inexcusable to have "made a scene" in front of relatives and I always needed to wait until a private moment to bring that sort of thing up, never mind that it would have been too late then and that they knew that full well; and third, another lie: that they had never said it could wait until we got home, but instead that they were throwing it out as soon as we stopped for gas. (To my mind, then and now, their own actions proved that I had not misunderstood, or at the very least wanted me to misunderstand: they said nothing as I sat there doing nothing with the bag on the trip to the gas station, which I plainly would not have done had I known that was all the time I had.)
So... is it unreasonable to become angry when someone treats your stuff as if it were trash? Is it unreasonable to *express* verbally said anger? Is it reasonable to expect someone to wait until it is too late to correct something before speaking up? Is it unreasonable to feel betrayed when such things (and the lying) are done? On the other side, is it reasonable to throw away someone's stuff (and I don't even mean broken or sticky or out-of-place stuff, as there was nowhere it could have been put up until reaching home), then expect them to act as if nothing were wrong? Is it reasonable to lie and sneak? Is it reasonable to expect that those you do these things to not to express displeasure, or to treat them as if doing so were a worse offense than anything they could possibly have done to provoke it legitimately?* How much difference does it make that I was a child?
*Actually, that one strikes me as particularly childish on *their* part, like the stereotypical sibling doing things like holding their hand half an inch away and chanting "I'm not touching you" over and over.
When I was about ten years old, we took a trip to visit relatives 700 miles away. As often happens on long car trips with kids, particularly before in-car DVD players, portable video games, and such, we had a few small toys along. I don't remember what, exactly; I think a travel version of Scrabble was involved, but am not sure. At any rate, there were small pieces. Getting in to leave, I noticed some were missing. On speaking up, I was told that Dad and/or Stepmom (I don't remember and it doesn't matter) had cleaned up and thrown that out. I said something along the lines of its not being trash and wanting it back; they acted as if they hadn't thrown anything away but scrap paper and garbage and that's what I was objecting to. I wanted to get my stuff back out of the trash; they acted as if this were totally unreasonable. This, of course, made me angry and I spoke accordingly. They did let me have back the small bag, saying that I could sort through it on the way home and then we could throw it out there. I took a quick glance in the bag to make sure my stuff really was in there among the genuine trash, then put the bag behind my feet to sort later. After all, it was going to be a long day on the road, and there was plenty of time.
Very few minutes later, we stopped for gas. Dad had me pump it (despite this being against the law) as usual.
Back on the highway, not even long enough that the ramp was out of sight yet, I went to sort my things out of the trash... only to discover the bag was gone. They had thrown it out at the gas station while I was on the other side of the truck and couldn't see. You can imagine my reaction, I suppose; I don't really remember it, only how it felt, first to have my things thrown away, then to be lied to. I was then told three additional things which, again, I still believe to be rationally infuriating: first, the lie that there had never been anything but trash in the bag in the first place; second, that it was inexcusable to have "made a scene" in front of relatives and I always needed to wait until a private moment to bring that sort of thing up, never mind that it would have been too late then and that they knew that full well; and third, another lie: that they had never said it could wait until we got home, but instead that they were throwing it out as soon as we stopped for gas. (To my mind, then and now, their own actions proved that I had not misunderstood, or at the very least wanted me to misunderstand: they said nothing as I sat there doing nothing with the bag on the trip to the gas station, which I plainly would not have done had I known that was all the time I had.)
So... is it unreasonable to become angry when someone treats your stuff as if it were trash? Is it unreasonable to *express* verbally said anger? Is it reasonable to expect someone to wait until it is too late to correct something before speaking up? Is it unreasonable to feel betrayed when such things (and the lying) are done? On the other side, is it reasonable to throw away someone's stuff (and I don't even mean broken or sticky or out-of-place stuff, as there was nowhere it could have been put up until reaching home), then expect them to act as if nothing were wrong? Is it reasonable to lie and sneak? Is it reasonable to expect that those you do these things to not to express displeasure, or to treat them as if doing so were a worse offense than anything they could possibly have done to provoke it legitimately?* How much difference does it make that I was a child?
*Actually, that one strikes me as particularly childish on *their* part, like the stereotypical sibling doing things like holding their hand half an inch away and chanting "I'm not touching you" over and over.
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