Enablers

[LexiaFira]

specifically enablers in bad relationships or bullying unless there are other situations someone else can think about.
Right now I am speaking specifically about two situations, one from my friend.

From what I do know about enablers is that:
even though the situation is bad, or the one person misbehaves and its known wrong
the other person makes excuses for the one person
allows the behavior to continue to avoid conflict
will bend over backwards to please other person to avoid conflict
will most often be the one getting the bad end of the deal and be miserable
may end up exploding without waring one day in the worst way and its a total surprise to the other person because until now there has been no consequences for his or her bad actions

the worst - which i fear- it will become so bad that the enabling person runs away or...much much much worse ends it in suicide because it seemed there was no way out
If there is a good version of enabling I'd like to hear it.

to save on a lengthy explanation I will go to my sis in law and that she is at the point where I know she is miserable but is reaching her breaking point. When will it end? her husband has been nothing but a selfish jerk for the past two years and if there is a good side i have yet to hear about it and frankly IMO it cannot outweigh the bad right now.

Now, stating this i want it to be known she KNOWS she and her kids are welcome here at any time no matter what there is room we love having them over and if they need to stay a day we make due. However her husband is not, he never comes over here anyways. I have told her point blank, he screws up again I am taking my nieces to have them spend time with us and you WILL deal with this or I do not want to hear anything about him. Me specifically she can still vent to whomever she wants.

I refuse to enable her enabling him too

[HYHYBT]

What is the dividing line between accepting a person as they are, flaws and all, and being an "enabler?"

[LexiaFira]

understood.
however her husband would rather after work, play games, ignore the kids, make and expect her to do EVERYTHING, and anytime the kids get even a little bit loud jump her case and scream at them to shut up.
i have been to their house. its chaos
and i remember my sister in law from two years ago she was much happier. she is now miserable and basically lives to make sure her kids are happy.

if it were just flaws and all

[Eisa]

Enablers?

Have you met my entire family?

[LexiaFira]

no? i probably should.

I know that my rant sounds convoluted. I do believe that when you accept someone its flaws and all not just parts.
I use my husband as an example as i have posted past rants about him and finally came to terms i have to be the polite nagger and suck it up.

however this has gotten to the point that the family looks away as no one really knows what to do and sis in law has yet to directly ask for help.
However MIL does come get the kids for a sunday every other week....it still doesn't change much....without getting too personal I am just tired of being nice to her and the few times i do need help getting put on hold for weeks on end because her husbands petty needs and wants have to come first.

the latest one was him NEEEDING to spend so much to pre-order two games coming out, and that meant that desperately needed clothes for her kids had to wait...and when i say desperate, the clothes they had were stretched as far as they could go literally