Calling me and then not talking

[flybye023]

Seriously. My brother does this to me all the time and I hate it!

(phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi! how's it going?
Me: Fine. How are you?
Him: Fine.
Him:....
Me:....
Me: (trying frantically to think of something to say) ummm, how's school?
Him: ok.
Him: ....
---
Okay. Let's clarify this. YOU called ME. I assume it's because you have something to share. If you don't have anything to say, don't call. It's quite simple, really. If I had something to say to you, I'd be the one calling. Since I haven't called it means I don't have anything to talk about!

And just last night his wife did it to me too which was surprising because she's usually quite talkative.

[HotelKatz]

I usually hang up if the other person decided not to talk. I once had a friend who immediately called right back, saying they weren't done talking.

[Andara Bledin]

I give the other person a few seconds then ask them, "So, was there a reason you called?"

If they can't come up with something, then I let them know I've got other things to do than listen to them breathe and go on with my day.

^-.-^

[bara]

This is along the lines of those companies that call you and say 'Please hold for an important message'

Once I head the word 'hold', I hang up.

[boringscreenname]

My younger brother, and my cousin both do this, but they don't call me. My family lives long distance and I don't see them a lot, so I call my mom, or she calls me. Then they wait until I'm on the phone with her and ask her if they can talk to me, and barely say anything on the phone. I try to make conversation, but I'm not going to bother if they only give me one word answers or say that everything's, "fine, good or ok." I finally told my mom not to even bother putting them on the phone anymore, because it's just wasting my minutes listening to the same one word answers over and over again, or worse just listening to them breathe on the phone. She understood and has stopped letting them talk to me on the phone.

[Boozy]

I've never heard of this behaviour from supposedly functional adults. Are there mental issues involved?

My nephew used to do it, when he was very young. He'd see his mom talking to me on the phone and beg to talk too until she put him on. Then he'd stand there with the phone to his ear, saying nothing and grinning at the fact that he could hear my voice. Sometimes he'd wave at the receiver.

So my experiences with this are more cute than annoying.

[senor boogie woogie]

I hate this routine on the phone. I make the call. Me is Me, TOP is The Other Person.

Me: "Hello, is Bob there?"

TOP: "May I say who's calling?"

Me: "Someone seeking Bob, is he there?"

TOP: "May I say who is calling."

Me: "Bob's friend/associate etc."

TOP: "MAY I SAY WHO IS CALLING??"

I have done this and declined to say who I was with the nosy person with the power hanging up on me. I HATE THAT. I do understand if I was asking for a minor child. That's fine. But if I am seeking an adult, there is no reason to ask that damn question. It's Bob's residence, it's Bob's phone number. Bob is 41 years old. If you want to know who I am, ASK BOB! Otherwise puck the puck off!

[Andara Bledin]

If it's the person who pays for the phone line, suck it up and cope. Plus, not giving your name and claiming "friend" status is a very common trick of scummy collections agencies.

If it's not the person who pays for the phone line, then turn it back on them.

^-.-^

[lupo pazzesco]

I have done this and declined to say who I was with the nosy person with the power hanging up on me. I HATE THAT. I do understand if I was asking for a minor child. That's fine. But if I am seeking an adult, there is no reason to ask that damn question. It's Bob's residence, it's Bob's phone number. Bob is 41 years old. If you want to know who I am, ASK BOB! Otherwise puck the puck off!

really? I mean, really? Yes, it's annoying they won't pass the phone over, but to hang up because they're asking who's calling? Residence or business, maybe Bob wants to know who it is, because Bob is in the middle of something and has to decide which takes precedence. Bob's friend?" Please say sorry, I'm up to my elbows in something, I'll call right back, ok?" Bob's boss over a project? "I'm hosing off be right there!"

Really, it isn't the other person's fault, they're doing what they're told/asked, and hanging up on them because of it comes across as childish, and is actually one of MY pet peeves when it comes to phone etiquette.

andara's also right, it's a method bill collectors or scam companies use "May i speak with Bob, I'm a friend of his (I'mma try and sell 'im 20 gallons of toner, yay!)"

Where I work, if you don't give me a name, you don't get the boss. Period.

I feel as though phone etiquette has fallen by the wayside, honestly. THe whole not saying anything, as demonstrated in the OP is part of it. Why waste the time calling if you're going to be quiet? What's the point. It's a pet peeve of mine, though I will admit there are a FEW people I'll occasionally do that with, like my mom or my boyfriend. Depends on what we're doing, if mom's cooking dinner, or boyfriend is building a bookcase, for example, I won't expect running dialogue, but I also won't expect an hour of silence. I know they're concentrating for a moment.

I've hung up on my sister for just...sitting on the phone, breathing. Yeah, no, I've got things to do. (Ironically, she, too has called me back to screech that she wasn't finished talking.)

Has anyone ever had the prolonged silence in answer to a question, where people think if they say NOTHING, you'll eventually give up? I hate that, too, it's so rude!

Them: Hi, I'm calling for Boss
Me: May I ask who's calling, please?
Them: Just put them on the phone
Me: May I please ask who's calling?
Them: ......
Me: .......
Them: (Sigh) .....................
Me: ............... (I can do it too!)
Them: Tell them it's their friend!
Me: May I please ask your name, I have to if I'm going to transfer the call.
Them: ...................................... <click>
Me: (I WIN!! Jerk...)

[bara]

Plus, not giving your name and claiming "friend" status is a very common trick of scummy collections agencies.

When I was stationed un in Alaska my roommate would get collection calls like this all the friggin time.

NF (not a friend): May I speak with Jay.
Me: May I ask who is calling?
NF: Im his friend Andrea.
Me: He has no friends named Andrea. He doesnt really have any friends. No one likes him.

(click)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I have done this and declined to say who I was with the nosy person with the power hanging up on me. I HATE THAT. I do understand if I was asking for a minor child. That's fine. But if I am seeking an adult, there is no reason to ask that damn question. It's Bob's residence, it's Bob's phone number. Bob is 41 years old. If you want to know who I am, ASK BOB! Otherwise puck the puck off!

You do realize that proper telephone etiquette is to say "Hi, this is Senor boogie Woogie, may I please speak to so and so?"

You identify yourself on the phone when you make a call. Unless you know the person well enough that you can be certain that they know your voice upon hearing it. You don't call up people, omit identifying yourself, and then start making demands on them. It's rude, and they owe you nothing at that point.

I have a cousin that lives in another state that used to call here occasionally when his mom was alive and living with my family. My aunt was very old, and her phone line was rife was telemarketers and scammers. Plus, she was mostly deaf and confused. My cousin would flat out refuse to identify himself, and I'd only ask him maybe twice before hanging up without a second thought. He had a thick skull. Either that, or he enjoyed being angry.

Whatever. Listen, I love my cousin. However, fuck him. I"m over here taking care of and protecting his mother. He plays by my rules, not the other way around. He's trying to call a phone he's not paying for, to a house he doesn't live in or own, to talk to a half confused old lady. He can find some fucking manners. You want to talk to someone in another house, you're pretty much obligated to play by the rules of the people in that house.

As for assholes who want to play that stupid game of calling you and then expecting you to carry the conversation while they sit there, don't get sucked into that. Do what I do. Sit there in awkward silence. You think it's awkward when the other guy does it? Try it when both of you are doing it.

You'll cure him of that with a quickness.

Ask a question and get a one word answer followed by awkward silence? Give a one word response and then follow that with more awkward silence.

[Boozy]

Where I work, if you don't give me a name, you don't get the boss. Period.

Same policy at my workplace.

My boss is a small business owner, and I'd estimate that we field about a dozen sales calls for her every day. She simply does not have the time to take them all, or she'd get nothing else done.

To make things even more complicated, these sales reps all ask for her by her first name, whether they know her or not, since the business name is her name. So just because someone asks casually for "Debbie" doesn't mean that they're an old friend and Debbie will set everything aside to talk to them.

My boss's close friends and family know to identify themselves right away when they call, so I can put them straight through. They don't mind, because they understand how it is.

[blas87]

Probably a tad off topic, but I hate when drunk people call you for nonsense reasons. Not to ask for a ride, not because they lost something (not that it'd be your responsibility to help, but at least that'd be a valid reason to call someone drunk at 2 am), but because they just want to drunk chat, or start an argument with you over something that happened a year ago, or that there was drunken gossip at the bar and they just have to tell you or argue nonsense with you.

Or the best of all, was my ex, who would get SO drunk, he'd call people and just breathe into the phone. He didn't even realize he was on the phone calling people. More than a few times, he'd call and I'd want nothing to do with the nonsense, and he'd keep calling back, and I'd get breathing voicemails.

[Rageaholic]

I hate that.

What's even more annoying is when they multitask while on the phone. You're talking and all of a sudden they start talking with their family, interrupting the conversation! I have a friend who has a tendancy to do this. I've also been put on hold while he continues to do some unrelated task.

Dude, if you're not ready to talk, just call back another time.

[senor boogie woogie]

In the 1990's, I worked for a chain auto parts store. My assistant manager was a guy named Jim, let's call his last name Smith for sake of anonymity.

Jim's wife would call once a day. When someone like me picked up the line, her response question was always "Jim Smith, please." Everytime. "Jim Smith please.", in a monotone voice. Never "Hello, is Jim available?" "Hello, this is Jim's wife, is he busy?" or just a simple "Hello, is Jim there?" Just "Jim Smith please." I remember that because of the depression of her voice and in my opinion, thinking that the other staff were lower beings who could not be shown the courtesy of an original, "Hello, is such and such there?" But she was fat and unattractive, with a couple of younguns, living in Mississippi with her husband bringing home a whopping $20,000 dollars a year working 50 hour weeks.

People who are anal retentive are big about "phone courtesy". Or working for a company where the phone is a big part of the business, with the boss demanding that people drop whatever they are doing and answer the damn thing within three rings. How many times have you been in a place of business asking about something, when some lazy farthead from home calls, with the clerk interrupts your help for them. Then for the company to have the employee say some spiel when they answer the phone.

My parents also forced me to answer the phone a ceetain way. I had to say "(Family Name) residence, Senor speaking." if I did not answer the phone this way, I would get into trouble. I felt like a fucking retard as a kid, being made of by peers who's parents trusted them enough to answer the phone without special training.

My parents did this because of the way that other children answered the phone. I had to do this from early childhood until I was in High School when my parents deemed me capable of just saying "Hello" when answering the phone.

I just dislike phones. They are an intrusion from the outside. I will say that in China, I do miss telemarketers. I loved messing with them, although sometimes they pissed me off like everyone else. I also liked people who would call the wrong number. I mean, how hard is it to dial a number? I pay about $15 USD a month for cell phone service. In the 1990's when I was really poor, I hated the fking phone company. The charges were criminal, and there were also like 10 pages to a bill itemizing every little detail. But I needed a phone for work, and these assholes were the only ones with that service. In China, I buy a chip and buy $15 (or 100 Chinese Yuan) of phone service. When that runs out, I go back to the shop for another $15 (this is the minimum amount). No service contracts, credit checks or crap like that. Wonderful.

I like everyone else in the Universe has a cell phone, and I like it much better. I can (and mostly do) turn the ringer off, and no one outside my employer, my wife, my folks and a few choice people know it. My name isn't in some phone book (while the phone book is a good tool, it actually costs money to NOT have your name in the thing.) Unlike a worthless landline, my mobile does many different little things. An alarm, a calender, a (not that great) camera, a flashlight. I like the text messaging. Landlines in the home is so 20th Century.