I am not you!!!!

[BlaqueKatt]

ok so no big secret, I'm severely depressed and suicidal....

so why is everyone telling me that "being alone is the greatest thing ever" I should enjoy and welcome it? Um no for you that may be true, however I am not you, I have depression, social anxiety disorder, and autism. I also have a past full of abuse and abandonment, when I'm alone all that badness comes back, and I turn to very self-destructive behaviours to make the pain go away. No matter how many times I attempt to explain this they just don't get it!

It's irritating, yes I get that you have no problem heading out to a movie by yourself, but as I told you the last 5465470 times you suggested it, I am not you, I go to the movie, buy my ticket, sit down and realize how much of a pathetic loser I am that I couldn't find one other person out of 7 billion to sit with me for two hours. That doesn't happen to you? Great, good for you, doesn't have anything to do with me.....because....say it with me "I AM NOT YOU!"

[blas87]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Katt

It's very hard to get people to think outside of their own box, sometimes.

[iradney]

Just like you are not them, they are also not you, and may not understand. It sucks, but maybe if you tried something different to get you out of your rut, it might help with your mental state. I've been depressed, I've been suicidal, and I am rather socially awkward when I'm at social ocassions people I don't know outnumber the people I do know. Which means I don't really go out alot, and the wedding TTO and I went to last weekend was stressful for me as I only knew him, the bride and the groom.

Sometimes you need to try something out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you need to listen to the advice that is given to you. Sometimes you need to seek the help of an unbiased 3rd party. Sometimes you just need to get out of your own head, and also listen to those friends that actually do reach out to you, as I have seen on your Facebook wall. Those people who ignore you? Well, don't waste your time on them anymore - would you keep trying to get a dead plant to grow? Those people who keep reaching out to you and want to spend time with you? Keep them in your life, and nurture that relationship - don't push them away.

TTO and I moved to this state 6 years ago. I have a few acquaintances here, but no close, true friends. All my friends are out of state. I have my husband (who is very introverted and busy running his own business), and my SIL who is very involved with her BF and running her own business, so I don't see her alot (once every 6 weeks???). So yes, most (if not al)weekends I'm sitting at home in front of the computer.

I could sit in the corner and cry about it, or I could be thankful that I have a way of contacting my friends via facebook, gtalk, MSN, BBM etc. Because even though we're thousands of miles apart, we are still there for each other. I strongly suggest you seek professional help, since you have been given some good advice on CS and FB, and it doesn't seem to sink in.

[telecom_goddess]

Being alone is a joyful thing for me most times. BUT I don't think it's good for YOU to be alone at all. I know it can be hard to find a therapist in a timely manner....if it's that bad GO TO A HOSPITAL NOW!!!!!!!!!

I beg you go to an ER.

[BlaqueKatt]

Sometimes you just need to get out of your own head, and also listen to those friends that actually do reach out to you, as I have seen on your Facebook wall. Those people who ignore you? Well, don't waste your time on them anymore - would you keep trying to get a dead plant to grow? Those people who keep reaching out to you and want to spend time with you? Keep them in your life, and nurture that relationship - don't push them away.

and what no one sees is the people "reaching out to me on FB" have 100% ignored me for the last four years(they are people I worked with at a call center 4 years ago, they've been on my fb since then, totally inactive, until now-they are a dead plant), it's only out of guilt or pity that they're posting, I have had the same phone number for over 10 years and the same address for five years-both are actually posted in my info on FB, yet amazingly no one seems to have either one....the thanksgiving invite was that post, I was not asked or invited prior to that, only when I said I was alone, did I get invited and a message I didn't get until 7pm that I needed to give them my address so someone could pick me up at 1pm(batteries in my mouse died, and my phone doesn't show messages from FB).

[Canarr]

Does that really matter? They seem to want to spend time with you now. Maybe it's pity, maybe not; but you'll never find out unless you give them the chance.

Still, if your depression is as bad as you're describing it, you should definitely be looking for professional help. There may be lots of people here and on CS that are happy to give advice, but I really don't think we've people here who are qualified to truly help someone with suicidal tendencies.

Please. Find help.

[bhskittykatt]

I would totally go to a movie with you if I was in your area.

Echo the advice on seeking professional help. You'll be glad in the end that you did.

I wouldn't write-off your FB friends that are reaching out to you, either. I have some FB friends who I don't hang out with very often. We're more acquaintances, but if they need me I'll still be there for them. Just the other day, one of them needed a lift to go pick her car up from the mechanic. I hadn't seen her in years. We'd barely spoken. Our social circles just don't intersect that much. But I still gave her a lift. Maybe I'll see her again soon, maybe not, that doesn't mean I don't care. So I wouldn't be writing off your FB friends either. Just because you're not that close doesn't mean they don't care either.

[Boozy]

I'd like to second (third?) what others have said about Facebook friends. I don't have time to see more than a few friends on a regular basis. It's hard to maintain close friendships with more than a handful of people at a time.

But that doesn't mean that if one of them really needed me, I wouldn't be there for them. In fact, if any of them just said, let's reconnect and get together this weekend, I'd try to do it. It wouldn't be out of pity.

[Rageaholic]

Yeah, I agree with what others are saying. Find help.

And I know what it's like to be constantly told it's okay when it's not. Yeah, I know I shouldn't beat myself up over not having a job, but most of my frusturation stems not from beating myself up, but from the fact that I DON'T HAVE A JOB. Being told it's okay doesn't make unemployment suck any less for me.