"Sorry I'm Bugging You!"

[blas87]

Does anyone else have any martyr/victim/insecure type friends/family members/SOs who pull crap like this?

Whether or not they are actually bothering you, the moment you point out that you are doing something or are somewhere or working, they get all victim and hang their head and tail and go "Ok I will stop bugging you"

I HATE IT.

First of all, I really don't think anyone is actually bothering me. If you were bothering me or I was truly too busy, I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN ANSWERED YOU to tell you what I was doing in the first place! And if you don't want to know what I'm doing, don't ask, then, if you're just going to get mad that I haven't set aside a whole entire block of time just to talk to you or text with you.

Gah. It's just another tool of manipulation in the world of the loonie toon folk to try to make you feel bad.

And no, I don't mean about the person you may hear tell you or text you that a handfull of times in all the years you know them. I am talking about the people who use that damn line every single time you aren't absolutely bored stone doing nothing absolutely ready to sit and listen to them, or can't drop everything you're doing.

Tonight I made it worse. Because with these people, you can't just ignore their insecure nonsense because they will build off of it, so my general response is "No, you're not bothering me, alright?" usually adding something on the end like that to get my point across, so they fired back with "Well, you're trying to shop and talk at the same time. Not gonna work well, is it? Bye."

Why must people, every time I'm in a decent mood and having a good time, try to darken my damn day earlier than it already gets dark this time of year.

[Glados]

Yes! My mother is the never ending victim. She does not use that exact line but she does use the guilt trip. She will manage to bother me at work by claiming emergency status for every little thing. Example: She visited me at work because her dog died. She called this an emergency. while I completely understand how difficult it is to lose a pet, I cannot leave work for this. She will also call and leave numerous messages in a short span of time but say each time that It's not important. I could not check my VM at work so I would get worried. Then, when she has a heart attack she insists that no one tell me because I am working and she doesn't want me to leave work and lose two hours of pay. I never heard the end of how I wasn't there for her when she had the heart attack. Maybe If I had been told...

[DrFaroohk]

Wow I say that ALL THE TIME....lol...but I'm not trying to martyr myself or be a victim. It just seems to work out well for me. It's usually like "Hey I'm sorry to bug you, but...."

First, it's my way of saying "I realize you are busy. I'm not just coming in here demanding your immediate attention. I am sensitive to your feelings."

[Greenday]

I have a friend who says it every single conversation. I usually just respond with, "You weren't, but now that you've said that you are." Kinda drives the point home.

[siead_lietrathua]

i admit i say this all the time. its not playing victim to me. its a legit complex. i find myself inferior and honestly belive i am bothering people by being in their presence. :/
some of us dont do it to guilt. some of us are genuinly aplogetic for our existance :P

[DrFaroohk]

^ Exactly! Honestly, I dunno where some people get their definition of the word "martyr" from.

[firecat88]

There's a right and a wrong way to say it, I think. The right way being the "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but..."

The wrong way is the huffy "Well, fine! Excuuuuuuuuuuse me for existing!" kind of way.

[bara]

IF they were sorry.. then they wouldn't be bothering you at all.

But its true.. If I answered the phone then you weren't bothering me. SO leave the guilt trips at home.

[siead_lietrathua]

IF they were sorry.. then they wouldn't be bothering you at all.

sometimes its for something you think isnt a bother until the other persons reaction. if you ask someone how their day was and they dont reply for, say, 20minutes, its reasonable to think your bothering them. expecialy if its someone who is usually a quick responder. i dont think "oh, ur busy, sorry for buggin ya let me know when you are free" is rude at all.

[Andara Bledin]

i dont think "oh, ur busy, sorry for buggin ya let me know when you are free" is rude at all.

As mentioned, it's all in how it's presented.

However, I don't see why one would ever bother with the whole "sorry for bugging you" part at all. A quick, "You must be busy with something, get back to me when you're free," works just as well without the whole 'head-hanging' mess that so many would rather people just dispensed with entirely.

Not to mention that of the two people who ever said "sorry for bothering you," one of them was a complete ass who was being all sarcastic because I didn't answer fast enough for him because, oh, hey, I was actually away from my computer. Then when I did answer, in kind mind you, he got into a tizzy and never talked to me again.

^-.-^

[siead_lietrathua]

but to circle back, the "bugging ya" part can come from the personal feelings of inadiquacy from the other person. this is hard to explain so i am going to ramble a bit lol.
if person A walks away from the computer/phone/table etc mid-conversation without the curdosy of a BRB or similar, person B can be inadvertantly made to feel like a nusience. it can make person B feel as though their company is of less value to person A than whatever else person A left to do, and that their prescence isnt needed to person A. that they are, in fact, bugging them by attempting to continue the conversation while person A is off doing something else. so they apologize for bothering the other person, since that is the offence they feel they have committed.
maybe it's just me, i dunno, but i dont leave the computer mid conversation without saying a proper goodby and setting myself to away. it seems odd. like leaving the dinnertable mid meal wordlessly or putting the phone down while someone else is talking and wandering off. it just seems a tad rude to the person on the other side.

[Andara Bledin]

Yeah, 'cause if you're sick or something, it's better to take the time to tell everybody you might have been chatting with "brb" then, say, getting to the bathroom before you vomit on your keyboard.

And that isn't a hypothetical.

^-.-^

[siead_lietrathua]

exceptions for emergencies should be enough of a given that i didnt think it was worth mentioning.
i was talking about leaving someone mid sentance to go and perform another task without a word of goodbye.

example, using the generic form of "you" of course.
talking on the phone with someone, you remember you have to do the dishes. rather than ending the conversation, you put the phone down on the counter and proceed to take the next 15 minutes unloading the dishwasher, loading it, scrubbing pots n pans and etc. then, when getting back to the phone and picking it up, you become offended that the person wonders what they did wrong to make you stop talking to them for so long. or worse, they hung up.
making it over the phone rather than over the computer makes it seem absurd but both treat the "person b" the same way. it disregards them for another task.

[blas87]

See, I see it as guilt, victim, and martyr (that last one is harder to explain) because the manner in which it's been done to me, it's obvious the person is expecting my immediate attention and/or is too insecure to just say what's really on their mind or what they want, and when I'm not 100% available, they get upset so they play victim by "Gosh well sorry I'm bugging you. Bye." I've had that line said to me "Oh sorry, you're busy. Won't bother you. Bye" when I've been asked what I'm doing and I've simply responded that I'm on my way out with the girls or headed to dinner.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If I was that busy, I would NOT have bothered answering you. Well, that or maybe I would have been asleep or not heard the phone, but either way, my responding to you indicates I AM NOT too busy and you are not bothering me, but you are bothering me with that self pity woe is me she isn't going to drop everything she's doing to talk to me bullshit.

And ya know, this is gonna offend people, but NOTHING pisses me off more than people who do the "What did I do wrong?! WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME?!!" when I dare go outside for a smoke in the middle of a conversation online or text without saying so. It's too cold out to text and smoke at the same time outside and it only takes 5 minutes. Chill. And I'm not going to tell someone I'm going to the bathroom. I have said before that I was going to the store and I took quite a while, and I've gotten all kinds of distress texts and it's like NO, I don't hate you and you didn't do anything wrong I went to the god damned store and got some food and ran into a friend and I don't feel I need to tell someone every place I go because I'm not 15 years old anymore!

[siead_lietrathua]

see and i would naturally wonder what was wrong if someone stopped talking mid online-chat conversation without something as simple as a BRB. i dont need the reason why i just need to know to not expect a response.
its not reporting in, being controlled or being treated like a 15 year old in most circumstances. its simply polite to not leave someone hanging.

also if someone asks what you are doing and you say you are...

... when I've been asked what I'm doing and I've simply responded that I'm on my way out with the girls or headed to dinner.....

... then you are busy. you are on your way to go somewhere. if what they want to talk about would be time consuming then they would be bothering you by delaying you.
just coming at it from another perspective.