Memory and Details

[DrFaroohk]

I barely ever remember details. Instead, to save space and less complications in my life, my brain usually chooses to record information as simply as possible.

For instance. I have a confrontation with an employee. She called me a scumbag, a fatass, and a cheating bastard.

You know what I do? I file that under "Insults." Lisa insulted me. Does it really matter whether she called me a doo-doo head or a cocksucking faggot? Really?

It's good enough for me, why isn't it good enough for other people? Goddammit, just go with it sometimes! If you ask what happened, and I say "Oh Lisa was insulting me." Just fucking go with it.

[HYHYBT]

If you say Lisa was insulting you, and Lisa says she was doing no such thing, then it matters very much what Lisa said. Some things are clearly insults no matter what, some might be or might not depending on context, some might not be meant as any such thing but may be misunderstood by the hearer, and some people take things as insults that cannot rationally be considered such at all.

Given all that as being true, why *should* the statement "she insulted me" without any further details provided be taken unquestioned?

edit to add: also, using your example, if you really were cheating or she legitimately thought you were, calling you a "cheating bastard" is very different than calling you a "cocksucking faggot." (Well, I suppose that depends on the nature of the cheating, but you know what I mean.)

[DrFaroohk]

I chose a poor example. I do that a lot. My bad.

This is a better one: I talk to a guy about some computer work. I can tell after a few minutes this guy is full of shit and no way am I taking my computer to him. I inform my wife of this, and again, I didn't record every single word spoken in the dialogue with him. I didn't make a mental note of every last inflection and pause in his speech. My brain absorbed and calculated this behind the scenes, and in the end I'm left with "This guy is full of shit. No way am I taking my computer to him."

Get onto phone with wife....

"well what EXACTLY did he say? How did he say it? And what did you say? How did you say it? what time was it? Where were you standing???"

And then I get pissed off and snap "Will you stop with the fucking interrogation!?"

[HYHYBT]

Ah. That's a bit different

In that case, it boils down to trusting, not your version of events, but your judgement about the other person. (Which I believe you had another thread on, come to think of it.)

It sounds like your wife is trying to get enough information to weigh your judgment that the guy is full of shit, and see whether she agrees. To do that, though, unless there's something definite and concrete (this software patch will turn your dial-up modem into a Bluray player!) it's usually impossible to tell secondhand.

[Ginger Tea]

If you were making a complaint to HR then remembering as best as you could what words were used is important, if it was a casual inquirery then "Oh lisa was just insulting me." is acceptable.

The second scenareo, would she even understand the terminology used (not saying she wouldnt cos shes a woman) but if you start quoting verbotem, she might glaze over, when she should have accepted "Trust me he was talking out of his arse."

I myself don't even pay attention to what I say some times and for a few months recorded half hour/hour segments with captain dickhead in the pub, mostly I was trying to record some annecdotes for a friend oop norf, but couldnt get into the groove just talking to the dictaphone.
I've listned to these months later and said some (to me) funny stuff and don't recall a word, then forget about it till I relisten to it again more months later.

Sometimes he would say something about a conversation that could have happened 6 months ago and I would look at him blankly, when I say throw away comments, they ARE thrown away.

Edit: I don't recall much of a video filmed in May this year or when I was last up the year previous, so when I watched it last on ye olde youtube, it was like watching someone else tell a story, it just so happens that the guy looks just like me, and has a similar attention span when women in short skirts or large breasts walk by.