Reminded why I don't go out with coworkers

[jackfaire]

I went out to a bar with some coworkers recently and was the way I am when relaxing at a bar. Told jokes hung out, agreed that a girl was pretty when she was fishing for a compliment, "I am pretty right?"

The following Monday I was asked to not do things like "hitting on people" apparently complimenting someone or reassuring someone that they aren't a dog is now akin to saying, "I want to jump your bones"

When I pointed out that I wasn't flirting I was complimenting with no intention of asking person out or any other ulterior motive I was told, "Well you should remember these are coworkers so you should act like your still at work."

Uhm wait what? So I should go to a bar to relax and have fun but instead of relax and have fun I should be quiet and not myself so that people will consider me normal for going out with coworkers instead of weird for "avoiding" them.

Uhm yeah not getting paid for that so seeya I will go to a bar with my friends where I can be myself.

[BlaqueKatt]

sounds like someone that has to be the center of attention, if you have to fish for compliments, you probably don't deserve them, for whatever reason.

[jackfaire]

It seems to be mostly the "cool kids" double standard. "If we are popular at work we can tell dick and fart jokes in the office but you can't relax after work at the bar we all go to."

[blas87]

Or it's just because they are assholes and think it's funny to make you feel bad.

[LadyBarbossa]

The way I see it, whatever happens off the clock is no one's business. I'd have to have one hell of a high-paying job for it to be worth me being politically correct at all times. We're barely PC at work as it is, hehe.

I go to house parties with coworkers. We drink. We behave badly. We hit on each other. It's how we stay sane. I agree with blas, your coworkers are assholes.

[MadMike]

I guess I'm lucky in that regard. When you get my coworkers out of the office, they almost make me seem normal in comparison.

[bara]

I rarely have friends from places I work at just for this reason.

[bainsidhe]

Are you certain the complainer was the same girl you complimented? I've seen coworkers complain about things that they aren't even involved in. For example, someone complains because Coworker X is talking to Coworker Y about her religion and surely Coworker Y should be offended by the questions. Even when she isn't. And the complainer isn't offended either, they just want to "protect" Coworker Y.

When I worked retail, a coworker told me to stop flirting with a customer. I was chatting about something interesting and thought I was providing good customer service. I wasn't flirting. Interesting how people interpret things differently, right?

[gremcint]

Bring waiver with you. something like: due to previous comments being reported at work as sexual harassment I would like you to sign this waiver saying that you encouraged these comments on "date"

[jackfaire]

Are you certain the complainer was the same girl you complimented?

She actually said it was the others that were uncomfortable with it but I know her well enough to know that if she didn't agree she would have called them idiots and I never would have heard about it.

She doesn't like the possibility that someone's feelings may get hurt so she will play off things as "Someone else said" "Other people are bothered by" but will never flat out say something bothers her to your face and if she has no way of playing the "it bothers other people" card she will send another person to talk to you about it.

[Amanita]

^OMFG, I HATE people who play the "anonymous others" card, when really, it's THEM who have a problem. I used to have a friend who did this to me all the time. We had a mutual friend (we'll call him X), and whenever she was bothered by something, she would say "X is upset about..X said he's mad about what you did the other day..X doesn't want you there (at his house, his martial arts class, etc)"

Well, I wondered why X never said any of this to me himself, and I asked him about it one day. He was genuinely shocked at some of the things he was alleged to have said about various goings-on. Turns out my so-called friend was the one with all these problems, and just drug X's name into them, claiming he was the one offended. Whether she felt that her complaints would have more weight with X's name attached, or she didn't have the balls to come out and say "I have a problem" herself, I don't know.

Seriously, I can't say how much I HATE the "Other people are bothered" card. It's become one of my triggers, the way some people get mad when they hear the words "No offense, but..". My response to "Other people are upset at you" these days is along the lines of "Well, have these 'other people' come and talk to me themselves if they're so upset!"
Seriously, I don't play "monkey in the middle" games with people acting as go-betweens, and if I'm being accused of something, damn right I want to face my accuser, not some third party acting "on their behalf".

[blas87]

Me too.

I hate monkey in the middle and the generalizations to avoid hurting feelings when the one guilty person should just be taken care of instead of playing mind games with everyone to drive a worthless point into them.

[Peppergirl]

Wait - aren't you gay? I could totally be thinking of someone else, so I apologize if I'm mixing you up with someone else. And if you are, do your co-workers know it? If so, it's even MORE ludicrous to have accused you of that. Geez.

[Sleepwalker]

Always somebody that has to ruin it for everybody. No longer allowed to make blowjob jokes at work because SOMEBODY decided to take it literally and report a WORK RELATIONSHIP. Jeeze.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

It's real simple. Since so many places have that whole "Well you should remember these are coworkers so you should act like your still at work." mentality...

I just avoid my co-workers like the gorram plague. I've gotten invites from all of mine to join them on Facebook and I flat out refuse. Not that I post anything that would get me into trouble with the company (usually sharing amusing geek culture reference pictures and drooling over the latest tech), I just do not want to have to deal with it.

But here's the suck job about it. What would have happened of the OP hadn't commented on the physical attractiveness of the woman? What would have happened to him the next day at work I have to wonder.