why is that nice girl with that jerk?

[Andara Bledin]

There's a difference between a "nice guy" and a "wimp." I've known a few genuine "nice guys," and they had self-confidence, were polite, charming, and witty, and in one case, incredibly cute, to boot. I'd have dated that last one in a heartbeat, but I wasn't his type - he had a thing for dating bitches.

To those who are insecure and keep dating the assholes: Remember, they will only hold you down and keep you from gaining confidence, because they know they're assholes and they know that the moment you get the personal fortitude to assert yourself, you'll be out the door. Is your health and possibly safety worth the label of "in a relationship?"

^-.-^

[blas87]

You are right, Andara. There's a lot of genuine nice guys.

If I could find one that wasn't hiding under a bunch of low self esteem or "No girl wants me cuz I'm not hot or rich!" grudge or wasn't addicted to dating awful bitches, I'd be golden.

It seems good girls like bad guys and good guys like bad girls. And wimps seem to like nice yet somewhat bitchy girls.

[Greenday]

There's a difference between a "nice guy" and a "wimp."

To be fair to blas, I think she was talking about "The Nice Guy" and not nice guys. And in my experience, as I was one of them at one point, "The Nice Guy" is usually a wuss.

[blas87]

We had a thread on The Nice Guy quite a while ago. And yes, Greenday, that's pretty much what I meant.

Not that I'm downplaying women bitching about men, because we sure as heck do plenty of that, but I have quite a few guy friends, and I get so sick of the self pity "I'm not hot or rich, no girl will give me the time of day!" rigomorole.

[Mytical]

Depending on my depression, sometimes I have low self esteem, sometimes not. Though many times I have been told I am cute. You know, a puppy and a bunny are cute also . There is a difference between shyness and lack of confidence. Since I speak my mind quite frequently, and suffer from foot in mouth syndrome because of that, confidence is not something I lack..thankfully.

[blas87]

Well, for instance, I can sometimes catch myself making little comments in my head, say at the gym or the mall, when I see a size zero twiglet walking around, like "Damn, eat something!", and then I try to remind myself that that's no way to be mature, and confidence means accepting others look different and you have to not only be comfortable with you, but others as well. Because beautiful is a big spectrum. Unfortunately, there's a little lingering insecurity from my younger days, but now I'm more confident and comfortable with how I look, and fortunately, my thoughts tend to stay in my head, so I don't go around slapping labels on other girls that I would feel "threatened" by, nor do I see every other girl as some threat to my dating happiness.

And guys do it, too. My boyfriend holds so much contempt for guys who are better looking than him, because he believes that good looking = asshole with other guys. And a lot of guys think the same as he does, because they've watched girls they are interested in get snagged away by the better looking guy or the guy who was the center of attention in school or at work because he was so fun to be around. We once got into a fight because I had to stop him from whining and remind him that just because a guy goes to the gym for fitness or is interested in gaining muscle, does NOT make him an asshole or a bad guy for girls to date because he cares about how he looks. Of course, he got defensive and thought that meant that I called him "fat" because he doesn't work out

Try telling them that coming out of the shell and actually trying to make friends with people and build friendships and relationships, and that people are more attracted to people who are sure of themselves and happy, versus people always throwing a pity party because they feel they aren't "good enough" or they let one or two bad experiences hold this world of contempt against others who they see get dates and women.

[jackfaire]

"Nice Guys"...I'm gonna get flack for this and I don't even give a shit. I'm dating a "nice guy" right now.

*gives you a standing ovation*

Screw flak your right. Guys like this need a good swift kick in the ass. I should know I was one. My kick in the ass was when I saw another guy doing it and I was like, "Oh my god dude she just said she wanted some coffee and you got she doesn't think I am good enough for her"

So yeah self described nice guys can be just as bad.

[blas87]

Aw, thanks

Yeah, I never meant to confuse anyone. There's real nice guys, and there are the wimpy, self-defeatest "I'm so great why doesn't any girl want me! I'd jump in front of a train for you!" type of guys.

Listen to one of their little tangents sometime about how awful girls are because they don't give them a chance and how they aren't good looking or rich enough or have a cool enough car, and it's like "waahhhh wahhhh wahhhh, shut the hell up already."

Just for the record, my guy isn't that bad of a wimp...he doesn't advertise how nice or awesome he is and he doesn't play the Bruno Mars songs out loud advertising himself. He just held a lot of contempt before we started dating towards other guys that he saw nabbing girls left and right and couldn't get it through his head that he had to TRY and risk getting hurt to get anywhere.