"If You Were Single..."

[blas87]

"Would you date me?"

I hate when people ask that.

Sure, a lot of folks on here are into the multiple partners and the extremely "open minded" circle of trust where they openly check out other people or "rate" them and joke with each other about it.

Well, I'm not. I'm more of a traditional person when it comes to serious relationships and big on my own version of what I think trust is and what's acceptable and what's not. Not that I openly judge others about what makes relationships work, but I have a huge problem with people who are aware of people in relationships and hit on them anyway or ask inappropriate questions like that. Yes, persecute me all you want for being Traditional Trina, but I think it's inappropriate to put someone on the spot like that.

If I say no, you'll take it personally and get mad. If I say yes, then I will be unable to focus or sleep, feeling guilty of what I said. So I just usually stick to "I can't answer that" and leave it at that, and will refuse to talk about it anymore.

That question may seem harmless to most, I just feel it's disrespectful. In all honesty, like really honestly here, if my bf and I broke up, I'd probably take a loooong time away from the men. Because I've been a taken woman for the past 3 and a half years of my life (minus a few weeks) and while I'm not unhappy at all about it, I wouldn't be rushing into anything else after this.

[jackfaire]

That question may seem harmless to most, I just feel it's disrespectful. In all honesty, like really honestly here, if my bf and I broke up, I'd probably take a loooong time away from the men. Because I've been a taken woman for the past 3 and a half years of my life (minus a few weeks) and while I'm not unhappy at all about it, I wouldn't be rushing into anything else after this.

Honestly the question to me always comes off as either Whiny "I need reassurance I won't die alone" or "I am sniffing around"

Either way it's a bad question to ask. I don't even know why someone would want the answer. I mean hell if your friends your going to damage the friendship because you just put it out there that "I would totally date you if you weren't with that guy"

[Canarr]

Well, I'm not. I'm more of a traditional person when it comes to serious relationships and big on my own version of what I think trust is and what's acceptable and what's not. Not that I openly judge others about what makes relationships work, but I have a huge problem with people who are aware of people in relationships and hit on them anyway or ask inappropriate questions like that. Yes, persecute me all you want for being Traditional Trina, but I think it's inappropriate to put someone on the spot like that.

Well, you have every right to refuse a conversation topic that makes you uncomfortable, and you don't need to justify why it does. So, don't worry about that; just tell whoever wants that kind of "confirmation" from you to take a hike.

Or, just turn it around and put the pressure back on the guy. "Sooo... you're asking if I'd want to be with you were something to happen to my boyfriend? HEY! SWEETHEART! That's the third guy this week who wants to kill you so he can be with me! Am I hot or what?" Depends, of course, on the sense of humor your boyfriend has, but might make other guys think twice about posing that question to you...

Personally, while I don't mind a bit of playful flirtation between people who are otherwise in relationships (I do that myself to several of my female friends), I don't flirt with - or "hit on" - women whom I know are uncomfortable with that kind of behavior. Also, the question you (rightfully) complain about strikes me as more than just a friendly, "Hey. Looking good today!"; that's more testing the waters (in a stupid way) than anything else.

[Andara Bledin]

I suspect my answer to such a question might be a bit on the snarky side and include, "I wouldn't know; I'm not single," and never expand on that.

^-.-^

[Mytical]

Bad Mytical, bad bad mytical..had to fight the impulse to do the..."So..if you were single..." sorry about that. Been in a weird mood today...

I have to agree with a lot of the others ... if it is not something you want to talk about you don't have to explain it. Either they get it or they don't. I also agree that that question is a bit out there.

[Greenday]

Hey, blas, if you were single, would you go out with me...bowling? I need a bowling buddy. My friends who I used to bowl are no longer in my area.

[blas87]

In a heartbeat, Greenday. If you don't mind that I absolutely suck at it!

Perhaps I should clarify, if I haven't already, because I re-read this a few times and saw where it may be confusing. This person not only knows I have a boyfriend, he knows who he is! And whatever negative things I may have said about him, my bf is a nice guy who doesn't deserve this kind of disrespect and shitting on.

I just think it's so skeezeballish. And a few of you were right. Friendship is now ruined, because he went about it so wrong and so awkwardly, and of course the way he took the news and started the Internet Stalker mode just clarifies that he's another freak that was always parading around as a neutral friend.

I should really try to make more girlfriends. At least I know none of them would randomly surprise me with "Hey, if you were single, would you date me?", therefore ruining an entire friendship because all along they just wanted to date me. I don't think I'm a model or God's gift to man, but for God's sake, it's not working well with the males lately. I wish they'd leave me the hell alone and let me be with my boyfriend and quit professing their feelings for me. Why can't we be friends?!!?!?!? Why must you ruin it?!

[Greenday]

Why can't we be friends?!!?!?!? Why must you ruin it?!

I believe I had a thread going on this. For some reason, for the majority of males around our age, it just isn't possible.

[gremcint]

"I only date people with self esteem, which you don't seem to have." would be my response

[jackfaire]

If you were single would you hate me?

[Canarr]

I should really try to make more girlfriends. At least I know none of them would randomly surprise me with "Hey, if you were single, would you date me?",

Well, it *could* still happen; but your boyfriend might not mind so much...

[blas87]

Oh, he's a whole other subject. We're not even going to go into what would happen if he found out. All that hard work I have done to try to get him to feel better about himself, blah blah....he'd be back to his emo self again. And probably be upset with me even though I can't help the fact that a lot of guys are fucking stupid.

My trust in guys has been tested here. Truly. I'm not going to change who I am as a person. I believe a big part of me is being the warm, pleasant person that I am (OUTSIDE of here of course). I will not become an ice princess or a bitch by any means, but I am not going to be so naive anymore. Not that I will suspect every guy of wanting to be in my pants, but I am going to tread more carefully on what signals I may put off. Even if I was NOT in the wrong here, apparently, some guys are so stupid they need it spelled out for them from the get-go.

And yes, more lady friends, I must get.

[jackfaire]

Even if I was NOT in the wrong here, apparently, some guys are so stupid they need it spelled out for them from the get-go.

And yes, more lady friends, I must get.

Not saying you do this you probably don't but I had a friend who couldn't understand why every single guy she was friends with was into her. One time we were sitting and she was talking about this guy she was trying to get interested. She described everything she did for the guy and voila I figured it out. It was all stuff she does for every guy.

The signals she uses on purpose are the exact same as the ones she doesn't so it's hard for guys to get "I am not into you like that" when she has told him that her signs are her "come on like me" signs.

[blas87]

I highly doubt I give off those vibes. The guy who is the reason for this thread, obviously only wanted to be friends with me to wait his "turn" in hopes I'd be single sometime soon, that or he finally got drunk or got ballsy and figured he'd throw it out there. Either way, big mistake. The thing that gets me is that we've chatted on and off at work and bullshitted and whatnot for years now. And now he ruins everything. Was it worth it, really?

I say he ruined it because he acted like a child about it. I was totally willing to forget it ever happened. Then he did the Online Annoying Insecure Mini-Stalker act and got my blood boiling, and then got defensive when I called him on how he was acting. All I said was to chill out, I'm not always online and I wasn't ignoring you. And he just got irritated that I dared tell him to chill out. Well gee, you have someone flood your inbox with "Hello? Hello? Why won't you talk to me? Are you mad at me? Will you ever talk to me again?" in a matter of minutes and you see how high your blood pressure goes.

[jackfaire]

The thing that gets me is that we've chatted on and off at work and bullshitted and whatnot for years now. And now he ruins everything. Was it worth it, really?

Much like the episode of How I met your Mother with all the guys waiting for the "window" to open I was really creeped out by that.