Mindsets about Friendship/Exs

[Sylvia727]

Along similiar lines, I spent some time researching official etiquette on weddings for a friend of mine who was married this last summer. One of the biggie topics was male bridesmaids and female ushers. I forget which of the many etiquette manuals made this point, but it said that traditionally the bride's attendents were female and the groom's attendents were male simply because that's the gender their friends were. There weren't any men attending the bride because she wasn't friends with any men.

Only in the last few decades has it been widely socially acceptable to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex. In the recent past, folks got around this bias by putting the groom's female friend with the bridesmaids and the bride's brother with the ushers. Social attitudes have now come even further. This fact is now slowly changing the gender distribution of the modern wedding party. More and more people are putting the bride's friends with her and the groom's friends with him, regardless of gender.

This trivia brought to you today by Sylvia's Hindbrain.

[protege]

I've always had plenty of female friends. Not sure why, but probably because I didn't spend all my time hitting on them. That caused some um, interesting comments around the office.

Several years ago, we'd hired on "Raquel" as one of the interns. For some reason, we hit it off. However, because we worked together (and because technically I was her supervisor) nothing could happen. Even if I wasn't, I wasn't about to bring that crap into the workplace if it headed south. Too bad, since she was very sweet, not to mention hot Even so, we were constantly picking on each other. Nearly all of my coworkers started calling me the "dirty old man" simply because I was a few years older. Last I heard, she left for another company, and I haven't heard from her since

Most of those comments simply came about because they were jealous

[Gawdzillers]

Actually, I'm very much interested in a few of my female friends.
Several of them know this.

[Shangri-laschild]

The nice thing about starting a relationship with someone I'm already friends with is that I dont' have to worry about the whole "crap...when do I explain about J" thing. Whoever it is, already knows. It just gets interesting when they are good friends with J as well.

[blas87]

Right now is the only time in my life where I've had as many female friends, if not more, than male friends. I've always been one of the guys. Mostly because I'm not very ladylike and can be really disgusting and funny and guys tend to like it.

So odd....every guy wants to be friends with me, no guys want to be with me. At least none of the ones I'd want to be with.

I admit I do have a problem dating a guy with a lot of female friends if they act like more than friends. My guy friends and I kick each other playfully or punch each other...that's about as affectionate as we get. We don't hug, we don't hold hands, we don't dance....and my guy friends are all ugly or fat. I hate to be rude, but none of my guy friends are my "type". Most guys I date have lady friends who are all rail thin and gorgeous little supermodels and they hug too much and dance it really bothers me.

[Boozy]

...and my guy friends are all ugly or fat.

If this is what you say about your friends, I'd hate to be your enemy.

[blas87]

Oh poppycock, Boozy .....my guy friends just simply aren't the type of guys I typically date or go for. I'm not attracted to them. I have one guy friend who doesn't date skinny girls, and he thinks I'm too skinny. We're just friends. His opinion of my looks doesn't affect our friendship. At least he's honest with me. Obviously I think he's a little wrong for thinking I'm "too" skinny, but at least someone can be honest with me. And that's what I treasure about my guy friends.

[Rapscallion]

Thing is, from my observations and cynical outlook, I would bet money (not a lot) that those guys who you claim to be 'just friends' would actually make better material for long term relationships than those you find exciting and attractive.

Rapscallion

[Greenday]

Thing is, from my observations and cynical outlook, I would bet money (not a lot) that those guys who you claim to be 'just friends' would actually make better material for long term relationships than those you find exciting and attractive.

Rapscallion

No way in hell I'm denying that. I believe that about most girls I know that always seem to date the wrong guy.

[Boozy]

Oh poppycock, Boozy .....my guy friends just simply aren't the type of guys I typically date or go for.

I realized that I had quoted the wrong part of your quote when I responded before. I have since fixed it.

There's nothing wrong with not being attracted to certain "types"...but Raps has a point. You've had some rough luck with men, and I can't help but wonder if you're choosing the wrong guys.

[Slytovhand]

But the body doesn't really care about personality... all it wants to do is keep the species going with it's little bit of the gene pool.

It's humans trying to assert their control over them with this 'personality' and 'relationship' thing that creates all those problems....

I now have 2 questions to ask.

First, if you've been friends with someone for a while, how do you take it to the 'next level'?? After all, as was just said in the previous couple of posts, if friends would make for better relationship material, it sort of implies a lack of chemistry.

Second, and slightly OT, if a girl is sort of 'playing' with a ring (as in sort of sliding it on and off), what - if any - significance is that? What's running through her head??


Slyt

[Lace Neil Singer]

I can answer your first question, seeing as during the time when I was single, I ended up sleeping with two of my friends. (Not at the same time, so get your minds out of the gutter, you perverts! XD)

Basically, we were so comfortable with each other, and we were all single, and of course there was alcohol added to the mix, that it just seemed natural to take it to the next level. Next day, there wasn't any awkwardness at all and I'm still friends with both guys. I can't speak for all girls tho, but in my case it was just a bit of fun and nothing to get in a lather about.

[AFPheonix]

As for the second question, if she's anything like me, she just has to play with something, and that includes rings. I don't sit still well.

[Shangri-laschild]

I now have 2 questions to ask.

First, if you've been friends with someone for a while, how do you take it to the 'next level'?? After all, as was just said in the previous couple of posts, if friends would make for better relationship material, it sort of implies a lack of chemistry.

Second, and slightly OT, if a girl is sort of 'playing' with a ring (as in sort of sliding it on and off), what - if any - significance is that? What's running through her head??


Slyt

My two longest and closest relationships were with guys I had been good friends with for a bit. The first one, one our mutual friends just randomly told me that he liked me so I asked him out. The second one, we had been snuggly and things just sort of became fairly obvious as the snuggling got more serious. Dunno if I have any suggestions in your case other than just go for it, and if it's a good enough friendship, it won't matter if they say no.

As for the second one, I know I fidgit a lot, especially with my fingers, so since my rings are on my fingers, they get fidgeted with a lot. Doesn't actually mean anything. What was making you think it meant something more?

[Slytovhand]

Hey Shangrila..

No, no-one in my life like that - just wondering (cos I've heard the "I just want to be friends" line a fair bit... especially when they've just broken up). I have actually gone beyond a friendship once or twice ('twice' depends on how you define 'friendship').

As for the second question, just came to mind as I was chatting to a work colleague, and while I was talking with her, was 'playing' with her ring (not sure of the significance of it). I do know that in body language circles, sometimes playing with jewellery while looking someone in the eye can be significant.

But then... my best skill in life is mis-reading a sign

Slyt