The Morning Fuckery

[Ree]

Of course, if I read correctly, you feel that by doing this, you would be having to take responsibility for everything in the morning while everyone else just gets up.

I have noticed that a lot in your posts.
Just exactly what does your wife do around the house?

There seems to be a recurring theme that you, alone, are responsible for most of what happens in your household.

It seems that a large portion of the child rearing and discipline falls to you.

In this case, you are the one who has to track where your wife dropped her belongings such as car keys and clothes. Does she take any responsibility?

I've seen other vents from you where you mention that she seems to make passive aggressive actions against you that interfere with your personal time and space.

No offense, but she really seems like a piece of work.

Sometimes I read your comments and you seem so unhappy that I almost feel sorry for you.

Is there any way you can approach your wife about this and ask her to help you streamline things so the morning goes smoother?

[HYHYBT]

Of course, if I read correctly, you feel that by doing this, you would be having to take responsibility for everything in the morning while everyone else just gets up.

If so, that seems to me a perfectly appropriate worry. Depending on the age of the kids (the wife is presumably old enough) a "get your own stuff ready beforehand or do without" rule might work, but doing everything for everybody (unless they are too young or otherwise simply incapable) is no solution.

[anakhouri]

Does your wife ever back you up on anything? Because seriously, a 7-year-old shouldn't get to decide when he goes to bed. It sounds like you try but she lets the kids run roughshod over both of you.

I think each of you should take one kid and make sure that kid has all the stuff they need for the morning laid out, pack that kid's lunch etc. Equal responsibility. It's true there are ways to make morning less chaotic but you both have to be on board.

[Mishi]

This is what we do in the morning, because we're not morning people either. I think that if I can do it, almost anyone can.

0700: Rugz's alarm goes off, I roll out of bed and help 3 year old to the toilet, 5 year old is normally washing her hands by this point.

0710: Rugz makes breakfast for him and the girls, I stumble down the stairs with 3 year old, sit her at the table and make the coffee.

0730: Rugz is dressed, kids are washing hands, Rugz is packing his lunch and drinking his coffee. I'm still waking up, clutching my coffee cup like it's a lifeline.

0735: (Thursdays and Fridays) I'm helping 3 year old to get dressed, filling her water bottle, grabbing her shoes from the shoe basket and putting them on her feet. I quickly run a brush through her hair.

0740: (Thursdays and Fridays) Rugz is out the door with 3 year old, I've put her water bottle in her bag and handed the bag to Rugz. Quick goodbyes, and they're off. Kindy provides lunch and snacks.

0745: (M,T,W) Rugz puts down whatever he's reading, says goodbyes, grabs his stuff from the bench, shoes from the rack and heads out the door. I corral the kids, they get dressed and have their hair done. Shoes on feet, they go and play until it's time to go.

0800: I make a second cup of coffee and make 5 year old's lunch. Fill 5 year old's water bottle.

0810: I get dressed, do my hair and put on my shoes. Sit down with my coffee, some breakfast and a book, still waking up.

0830: Leave for school, arriving 5 minutes early and everyone's relaxed.


This works for us because almost everything is in the one place so there's no running round and getting stressed out.

[boringscreenname]

I'm not a morning person either. I also have a 3 year old I have to get ready for preschool by myself in the mornings, and his 1 year old sister gets up at the same time (because god forbid she sleeps in). It sucks but I've managed to make it work with only a minimum of stress.

I make my son go to bed every night by 9 p.m. at the absolute latest. He tries to pull the crap where he gets out of bed and goes to play, but I randomly check in on him and he gets in trouble if he's out of bed or being noisy, so for the most part he has learned it's just easier to be quiet and go to sleep. I also make him clean up his entire room before he goes to bed, so he's not as tempted to get out of bed and play. Even doing all this it still takes him 30 minutes or more to wind down and actually fall asleep but once he's asleep he's out for the night and he gets 10-12 hours of sleep a night, so it's not like he's sleep deprived.

In the mornings he gets up at the same time every day, 8 a.m. Sometimes I will get up a bit earlier than him and take a shower, and eat breakfast, but sometimes I don't. Usually after he wakes up his sister is right behind him, so I take them both to the kitchen and make a quick and easy breakfast. Both of the kids love bananas so I chop up a couple of those, then they either get toast, frozen pancakes or waffles, bagels, or cereal bars to go along with the banana. I like making them something quick and easy for breakfast, that's still kinda healthy.

I give them until 8:20 or 8:25 to eat their breakfast, but I'm ok with it if the 1 year old takes longer, because I can put off getting her dressed if need be. Anyway while the kids are eating breakfast I go and grab out their clothes for the day, then when they're done eating they get changed and dressed. I still have to dress both of them which is kinda annoying, but usually they cooperate and help me out as much as they can so it's not too bad.

Then about 10 minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive I put my son's shoes on him (they go in the same place every day), then I help him get his jacket on, then we put on his harness vest (all the preschoolers have to wear one on the bus), then I pack his backpack. All of his backpack stuff stays has it's own spot, so I just grab it and pack it as needed. But really he doesn't ever need much packed, the teacher sends home a folder with any necessary paperwork on Thursday, then we return it on Monday, then we're responsible for sending his library book back every Tuesday and that's about the extent of it. But after his backpack is packed I help him put it on, put my shoes on then walk him out to the bus once it arrives at 8:40.

We also keep all of the kids' stuff in one spot in the house. All of our shoes go in one of those mesh pocket things and it hangs on one side of our basement door. Then on the other side we have a bunch of hooks and we just hang our jackets, backpacks, purses, lunchboxes and etc up there, that way they're all in one spot and we don't have to go hunting for stuff every time we leave the house.

[DrFaroohk]

Wife helps quite a lot around the house. Didn't mean otherwise. We all just get pissy in the mornings, and sometimes I get annoyed at how fucked up everything is.

Of course, my atittude towards others is much like the attitude towards me. I don't want to hear that you can't find your keys again. I don't want to hear that you can't find your backpack again. I don't want to hear that there's homework you "forgot" to tell me about. And I DO try some preventative maintenance, but its usually in the form of verbal warnings. "Hey hun, don't forget to put your keys in your purse before bed." "Jeffrey, remember to get all your homework and papers in your backpack so they're ready for morning."

/IGNORED

Now, with the kid staying up late...he put him to bed at a decent hour, but there's no real way I can force him to sleep. Even if I took all his electronics away (usually he goes to sleep with a movie on) he'd still be up playing with his guns or soldiers or whatever.

[blas87]

Well doc, I can officially tell my bf he isn't the only one who has a hard time getting a stubborn, bratty kid to behave in the morning!

If his mother can't succeed in getting the brat up oops sorry I mean little brother (because she babies him, even though she yells, that's the worst it gets), she has my bf go in there and literally drag the kid out of bed. And onto the floor.

And yeah, I guess that kid does the limp thing, too, after he doesn't succeed in grabbing onto the bed or blankets.

A bit of advice, take it or leave it, from someone who works several 12 hour shifts in a row with not much time in between to sleep and prepare.......I try to have everything put away and prepared for the next 12 hour cycle. Laundry or anything that needs to go to my parents' house, any food that needs to be heated up is ready in the fridge (always cook beforehand).

It's saved my sanity with these awful hours!

[Andara Bledin]

A spray bottle can work wonders to get stubborn kids to leave the warm comfort of their blankets.

^-.-^

[boringscreenname]

If he's out of bed playing with toys then I would just take all his toys out of his room until he learns that when it's bedtime you stay in bed until you fall asleep.

My 3 year old used to try the same crap, but now he knows he gets spanked for being out of bed. And if spanking doesn't work I will go in his room, and sit and watch him until he falls asleep. He hates it, I hate it because it's boring as crap but he will go to sleep at a reasonable hour one way or another because otherwise he's a bear to get up and deal with in the mornings.

[DrFaroohk]

If he's out of bed playing with toys then I would just take all his toys out of his room until he learns that when it's bedtime you stay in bed until you fall asleep

.

I have a mild sympathy problem here...I was always forced to bed before I was ready, forced to lay there in the dark with absolutely no stimulus...and a brain that was going 100 miles an hour and wouldn't STFU!

It doesn't sound that bad, but honestly it was like torture. Even to this day, if I don't fall asleep in about 15 minutes I get up and do something else. I cannot just lay in bed and idle away my time, and sometimes I feel awful making him do the same thing.

Ugh....why can't I have my cake and eat it too? What's the point of having cake if you're not going to eat it?

[HYHYBT]

Even to this day, if I don't fall asleep in about 15 minutes I get up and do something else.

Which is exactly what you're supposed to do if you can't fall asleep. Lying in bed awake for long periods makes insomnia more likely in the future. Why, then, deliberately set kids up with bad habits?

[anakhouri]

Obviously letting him stay up late is not helping him since he can't get up in the morning. School schedules aren't really sympathetic toward people with out of whack Circadian rhythms. I suggest asking his doctor what can be done to help the poor kid get to sleep so he can be awake when he has to be.

[Andara Bledin]

Part of the difficulty in getting to sleep is a lack of being tired. It might help to schedule something that would help get the physical energy out that wouldn't also work him up mentally so that when it's time for bed, his mind isn't wound up and his body is wound down.

I'm lucky. I'm the sort of person for whom counting sheep actually works.

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

The only time I can fall asleep is either with medicinal help, or being completely beyond exhausted, or extreme daydreaming in bed to the point that I might actually be having OOB experiences. For some reason that'll knock me out quick, but it's hard to get on a good "story" for my dreams.