My Mom's attitude towards gays

[LadyBarbossa]

I just really need to rant more than anything, but felt this was a more appropriate place to do it than CS.

I guess you could say my parents are 'old fashioned', so to speak, but mostly . . . it's bigotry and ignorance. I was raised baptist but my feelings about many matters have changed drastically, and I think, for the better. Anyways, to the point.

I am straight, but a very large number of my friends are gay/bisexual. Many of the gay men are amateur drag queens. I hang out with them at work, we eat out together, I go to the gay bar. Mom has sort of resigned herself to the fact I go to the bar, although she'd flip her lid if she knew I drank (I'm 28 )But she still always says things like "I wish you'd find another bar to hang out at. A real one where you can meet normal people and maybe get a date."

Firstly, I don't consider bars to be a really great place to meet a date. I go to the gay bar because it's fun, it's outrageous, and most of my friends go there. We are generally loud, obnoxious, perverted, and have a great time. Not to mention that straight men and women do frequent the bar, if it's all that important to her. I guess it just can't be explained why the drag shows are fun. I mean, males in makeup and tight fitting dresses dancing to pop hits from various decades, it's just fun! Mind, as long as you don't care about being verbally roasted or even physically 'violated'. These ladies are not shy and they WILL touch you, kiss you, and if they know you well enough, sit in your lap, regardless of gender.

She says there is something inherently 'wrong' with a man who wears women's clothing and something just as wrong with the men who date them, that they're not right in the head. It was just a bit strange the first time I saw my friend Hurley wearing makeup, fake boobs and a padded bra, as well as the way he can go on for hours about blending, wigs, perms, etc, but I'm quite used to it and take no offense and don't blink twice when he criticizes the way I walk in heels or says I need to let him do my makeup next Halloween because he claims he can do a much better job than I did.

Then there is my friend Teddy, the ex-bartender with the heart of gold. Or I like to think so, anyways. Like I said on CS, I met him through his brother Biscuit, a friend from work who I kind of carry an on again, off again torch for, but we're just friends. I was genuinely surprised to learn that Ted is gay, since he's low-maintenance, no makeup or fancy clothes, hairy, and well, kind of a hick. But once you get to know him and he starts talking about dicks and cum flavoring or his reaction to a picture of a True Blood character is "Ohhh, he's pretty", it's pretty obvious. He's so freakin' adorable, but I know he'll never like me 'like that', so we have a kind of surrogate brother/sister kind of friendship. A few months ago, I was supposed to go to the beach with my nephew, Biscuit, and Teddy, but Biscuit and nephew decided to flake out on us at the LAST minute, quite literally, and I wasn't as close with Teddy yet so we didn't go. Mom expressed relief because she wasn't comfortable with nephew (who is 19, by the way, folks ) being around Teddy because obviously, Ted would have tried to hit on or touch him because all gay men want to stick it in other men, regardless of anything else.

I was already furious with Biscuit and nephew at this point, and hearing this opinion didn't help my mood.

Fast forward to yesterday, I mentioned that Teddy wants me to go fishing with him sometime because Biscuit doesn't like to go with him.

"What does he mean . . . fishing?"

"Um . . . I'm assuming he wants to sit on the riverbank and CATCH FISH."

No no. Apparently, according to her, he wants to get me alone so he can butt-rape me. Because every gay man is just a pervert in disguise and he is probably still interested in women (he was at one point and has a son) and it's perfectly logical that a gay man would want to butt-rape his straight female friend.

She also is constantly expressing to nephew he needs to be careful around Hurley and Teddy because she's convinced both of them will hit on him. What the FUCK?! And for the record, although nephew is kind of homophobic, I DID manage to get him to come to the bar with us one night and no one 'messed' with him. H and T did tease him a little, but it was all good-natured; I'd warned them ahead of time that he might seem a little uncomfortable, but he had a great time, and his only complaint was that he wasn't old enough to legally drink yet. Well that, and the fact that someone kept turning the strobe light back on after Hurley said it was giving him a headache. (it was really annoying)

I love my Mom and all, but this kind of stuff drives me batshit nutty. Why do I care? Because sadly, I still live at home and can't afford to move out for at least another year or so. So I end up listening to this kind of drivel on a daily basis. I know it's not uncommon for parents to dislike our friends, but they are a part of my life, and I love them, too. It's not like I'm telling all the queens to dress in their best and come over for fried chicken and karaoke.

What really kills me is, at first she didn't really believe that Teddy was gay, since I heard it from Biscuit. Since Biscuit is a cheeky fellow, she thought he was lying to me and saying that about his brother to me as a joke. And since she doesn't really like Biscuit that much due to some emotional and legal baggage he carries, she was hoping I'd go for the older brother instead. "Does Teddy drink as much as Biscuit? Does he have less baggage? Why don't you ask Teddy out and see how you like him, instead?"

And all that changed when she finally realized that he is legitimately and shamelessly gay. Now I should avoid him because he's a pervert. What the ever loving fuck?!

To anyone who has read this, well, thanks I just know that you guys would understand why this kind of ignorance upsets me. My friends are not perverts-- ok, well, yeah, they're perverts. But they are not rapists or sex predators.

[Andara Bledin]

Ugh. I know exactly how you feel.

My brother is like that, only with other issues. He'll say the most straight-up ignorant bigoted bullshit and if you call him on it, he'll just say that you're just delusional or some other crap to explain why he's right despite being utterly and provably wrong. >_<

^-.-^

[blas87]

My father is the youngest of a very large blended family, most of his siblings are nearing or past retirement age, and you should hear the things that come up at family gatherings.

Though, I have to admit, it's probably enabling, but I'm not going to tell my 92 year old grandma not to call me a Jew for talking with my hands.

[SongsOfDragons]

Are we long-lost siblings or something? O.o My mother, bless her heart, is almost exactly how you described!!

[HYHYBT]

But once you get to know him and he starts talking about dicks and cum flavoring...

Ah, the subtle approach.

Of course all gay men want to rape women. That's what "gay" means; didn't you know that?

I've never fully (or, really, at all) understood people's objection to drag. It doesn't appeal to me, particularly, but what's the harm?

[LadyBarbossa]

Ah, the subtle approach.

Well to be fair, that convo took place at the gay bar where he was working at the time

Although it was even clearer beforehand when he was outside smoking and some insane woman was asking for directions to the hospital and arguing with him.

"You're not GAY, no way. You're just really happy!"

He was pissed.

[powerboy]

My mother is just like that. She was afraid that I would become gay, because I went to a gay bar with some friends.

[Bloodsoul]

Wait, there are professional drag queens?

[LadyBarbossa]

Absolutely. They take their stuff very seriously

When a man is dressed in drag, you are never to refer to the queen as "he" or "him". You will not refer to them by their legal name, you will use their stage/character name. To them, they are that other person when they're dressed like that, and the makeup, wigs, costumes, are all an art form. It can be a little overwhelming in large doses so I don't go to the drag shows that often, but I'm supportive of the guys who are into it. Many of them work or have worked at my store. We were allowed to dress up over Halloween weekend last year and I swear, I never saw so many men wearing dresses to work at once. Hurley even had customers fooled. They kept going to management and supervisors to tell them what a good employee "That tall woman with the dark hair at the service desk" was

[Sableonblonde]

When my parents first suspected that my brother was gay, they called me up and asked if I could talk to him and ask him to "not be gay."

They really screwed him up, unfortunately. I don't think they ever really truly understood or accepted him. My mom claims to, but recently said to me that she didn't think the gay thing was "working out for him" and he should really try to find a nice girl to settle down with and start a family.

I don't know.

[Andara Bledin]

I think if I ran across someone like that, I'd use an analogy like, say, diabetes.

Ask them if they'd think to say, "I don't think the diabetic thing was working out for them and they should just go ahead and stop worrying about blood sugar levels."

For some people, it just comes down to straight up ignorance. Often times, willful, but not always.

^-.-^

[Jaden]

It disgusts me the way some people I know treat homosexuals. It also disgusts me that I used to be that way. Fortunately, I've grown up and, while I still have some conservative leanings, I now fully support gay rights and don't see homosexuals as any different from anybody else.

I do feel like this type of ignorance is mostly dying out with the older generations. It seems more and more people are accepting of homosexuality year after year, and that makes me optimistic for this particular situation.

[HYHYBT]

I think if I ran across someone like that, I'd use an analogy like, say, diabetes.

Ask them if they'd think to say, "I don't think the diabetic thing was working out for them and they should just go ahead and stop worrying about blood sugar levels."

...and then they throw that back along the lines of "aha! You admit it's a disease!"

I haven't used that particular analogy, but that's the response when I say, for example, that you wouldn't fault someone born with no arms for picking things up with their feet or holding a pen in their mouth because "that's not what feet (or mouths) are for."

[Andara Bledin]

And then you can throw back on them that it's not a disease, it's a condition.

Alternately, you can go with left/right-handedness, which is more of a state of being and not so much positive/negative these days.

^-.-^

[HYHYBT]

I prefer the other option: not arguing with idiots. Though really, I believe that particular tactic doesn't come from idiocy, but from dishonesty. Either way, there's not much point in going on.