Everyone Wants a Handout

[Greenday]

All my friends and family know I've got money ever since I did my year in Afghanistan. I paid off my loans, saved the rest, and now for the first time in my life I have a really health bank account. Hell, I actually have a savings account for the first time in my life. Today has just killed me though.

My friend who now lives in Boston happened to be in town. We went out for a few drinks and after our second round, he began talking about the business he's trying to get started. He's got a decent idea and I hope to God it works out for him. But then he dropped it on me: he needs money. $7,500 to be exact. He offered to pay me back plus interest but I just have no idea whether or not his idea will actually work or not. I know he's not friends with me just for the money, I just hate having people come to me for money.

I get home, mention it to my mom who's still actually awake, and then she starts in on me about how she thinks I should just give my sister money to help pay off her student loans. My sister turned 27 in January and still lives at home also. She has a bunch of student loans to pay off. She was a primary education major and now she works at a retirement home. I don't know what she was expecting, but even if she had landed a teaching job, she still would have taken a while to pay those loans off. It doesn't help that she is constantly wasting money on shit like a brand new flat screen HD tv or the shitload of clothes she has to have. Maybe if she didn't constantly buy random crap and paid more than minimum payments, it wouldn't take so long.

My mom also had the balls to tell me I should gift my aunt that I lended $500 to. I'm sorry, what? I know she has two kids and her husband doesn't make a ton of money. But I know for a fact she makes over $80k a year. Where does the money go? I know they aren't going on vacations, buying lavish stuff, etc. So why exactly, given her income, isn't she able to pay me back to the point where I should just tell her to forget about it?

Look, I get I have money and that I don't have tons of expenses, especially since I live at my parents' place still. But I don't have a job and I don't know when I'm going to get one. When I do get a job, I'm going to need a place to live. That place is going to need furniture. I'm going to need food. My car is on its way out and will need to be replaced. I have no health insurance so if anything goes wrong I'd be in trouble (especially since I got appendicitis when I was in Afghanistan but kept my appendix). How am I supposed to plan for the future if everyone just wants to take what money I've earned away from me now?

[blas87]

You don't owe anyone anything.

Hopefully, it stays at that, and no one martyrs or guilt trips or blackmails you into doing so or otherwise forces you to make a decision you don't want to make.

[MadMike]

I wouldn't give those people money either, especially if I made it by having my own life put in danger, as you did. A buddy of mine spent some time in Iraq, and literally got shot at several times. While he was there, he sent money home to his wife (now ex-wife) to pay off their debts. Instead, she pissed it all away on a bunch of appliances that she ended up not even using. Or as he put it, "She blew all the money I made by getting shot at!"

[Gravekeeper]

I wouldn't give those people money either, especially if I made it by having my own life put in danger, as you did.

This ^

It's bad enough they want you to hand out large sums just because. Its worse, however, since you're obviously thinking in the long term with your finances. So they're jeopardizing your future trying to get you to pay for their present.

Genetics isn't a joint bank account. -.-

[Mytical]

Well it is like the lottery winner's phenomenon. Win the lottery and suddenly you have more relatives then you know what you can do with..and they all want/need money. Each will have a sob story and why they need it more then everybody else.

[jackfaire]

I had a friend loved to play the lottery and he would actually ask, "If I won the lottery and gave you part of it what would you do with it"

If you said something cool like take a year off to travel Europe and work on your novel (mine)

You made his list.

[Greenday]

My favorite part last night was when my mom said, "Well, I think it'd be the NICE thing to do." I agreed that it'd be nice, but that it'd also be stupid.

[HYHYBT]

A dire emergency would be a bit different, but none of these qualify. Unless you, at a minimum, have enough current income that you could quickly rebuild the extra, it's not really extra and you can't give it away or risk lending it out. Because you never know for certain how long it will take to get a job, and what they're after could easily make the difference between running out of money entirely or not.

Minimum, as in if you're feeling generous. Really, you're right, even with income you want to get a home first and keep enough set aside that you can pay for a car or appendectomy when/if needed.

(Of course, you know all this. But hearing it from other people helps.)

[DrFaroohk]

Well, if you have 90 billion in your bank account and a friend asks for 7,500 (about the equivolent of my ashtray change) you'd be a ginormous dick not to help him out. I take it that's not the case though.

Reminds me of some of my wealthier acquaintances are the ones who complain about money the most. OMG gas went up 2 cents OMG!!!! Seriously dude? I could buy a new car if I cleaned out your couch. Don't complain to me about money.

[Rapscallion]

Well, if you have 90 billion in your bank account and a friend asks for 7,500 (about the equivolent of my ashtray change) you'd be a ginormous dick not to help him out. I take it that's not the case though.

I beg your pardon?

Generally speaking, if someone has some disposable cash then they've worked hard for it and - in this case - risked their life.

Personally, I've finally got to a point where I can confidently say I'm building up some spare funds and trying to work out what I should do with them. It's not a lifechanging amount, but one of my options is a mate looking at businesses to buy. I don't think I'd be a dick to say no to helping him in any way, shape, or form. I did take some time off work to visit him and do some workings out on whether or not it's a good option. However, if I say 'no' eventually should it come to him needing to buy it, that doesn't mean I'm a dick.

On a more personal basis, I have a friend who is having to look for a house of her own after a relationship breakdown. She's not on a decent wage, but I have a spare room and have offered her that in case she can't find anything else. Would you say I'm a dick for not offering her a portion of my wages to keep the current roof over her head?

Rapscallion

[DrFaroohk]

Hence the huge number of 90 billion. In other words, "if you possess an extreme excess of something you would never go through in 100 lifetimes, you should share".

Let's say we're at the dinner table. I bought all the food and cooked it myself. I guess that means it's ALL mine right? Even though the other guy at my table is starving to death, no, I wouldn't at all be a douchebag if I didn't offer him some of what I would probably throw away anyway.

Or how about, it's freezing outside, and I'm wearing 4 different pairs of clothes and you are freezing to death. I would be a DICK to not give you one of my pairs of clothes that I clearly don't even need.

[Peppergirl]

GD, to be blunt: FUCK THEM!

This really pisses me off and it's particularly disappointing that it's your own family doing this to you, especially close family.

I'd surely expect distant relatives or certain types of friends to come crawling out of the woodwork, as it were - but I'd be very hurt and angry, especially about your mother.

[Greenday]

I told my sister about it tonight and she agreed with me. She understands it's not random disposable income and that I'm not rich. I love my sister. She's the only other one in my entire family who has their shit together.

[jackfaire]

Or how about, it's freezing outside, and I'm wearing 4 different pairs of clothes and you are freezing to death. I would be a DICK to not give you one of my pairs of clothes that I clearly don't even need.

Saving someone's life and investing in someone's business have what do with each other now?

[blas87]

I guess I will just be thankful the most solicitation I get is for style advice and of course, advice that goes ignored.