"Why can't we just be friends?"

[Slytovhand]

Because, I'm sick and tired of having girls I'm attracted to only wanting my friendship, and nothing more.

Because, I don't want to see or talk with you and know that I'm not allowed to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your face, to kiss you, to take you to my bed and make love with you. To know that I'm not allowed to think or dream of you anymore...

Because I don't want to pretend that I'm happy with being only your friend.

Because a little part of me died inside when you said those words... a little happiness, a little joy, a little... hope?

And, now, I'm not happy when I see or hear from you. In fact, it makes me a little sad.

You think it's silly that I won't be friends with you because you're too young? Well, I think it's silly that we can't be more because you think I'm too old. You don't get it? What, I make you laugh, and smile, and you like being with me, and around me, and doing things with me... yet, in your head, that means... what - precisely?

Yeah, I get it - I'm not rich enough. Or sexy enough. Or famous or powerful enough... or, you know - any other excuse you'd use if it was some other guy you decided on being with that is acceptable.

All those things I was doing for you... they weren't done so we could "just be friends" you know! I did them because I was interested in you, and that's the way society works.. guy likes girl, guy does things to get girl's interest, girl decides guy is cool and goes out with him... (cos I'm not a 'playa' type of guy!)

No, it's NOT that I don't 'respect' you (cos, as we all know, if a guy wants to sleep with a girl, he obviously doesn't have any respect for her... ). At what point did this world get so fucked up that it's ok for you to get everything that YOU want (emotionally), but it's NOT ok that I get what I want???

So, no - I'm NOT going to call you any more...

You need my friendship? Life's hard sometimes... suck it up (like I have to!)

[blas87]

I think you need to go read a thread I made a while ago titled "If you were single, would you date me?"

Because something somewhat similar to what happened to you happened to me, but I was the young girl, who was basically treated like an evil witch for not wanting to drop my boyfriend for this guy, because for all the years we were supposed to be friends, he always wanted more.

[Rapscallion]

Feeling conflicted on answers here. Initially I was thinking that you've effectively said if we can't have a relationship we can't be friends.

However, I also sympathise with the whole 'I prefer jerks even though they let me down every time and I'll cry on your shoulder every time and that's as far as you're going because you're in the friendzone' situation.

I'd say both sides at fault unless I've missed something.

Rapscallion

[Slytovhand]

Just to be clear on the matter - she knew from the very first date that's what I was after! Just sayin'.

[SongsOfDragons]

I can't feel love for someone I'm not already friends with. For me, got to have that link first. I'd feel uncomfortable having to date someone I don't know.

[the_std]

There's something that puts me off about the OP... It almost comes across as, "I put all this work into it and I like you a lot, therefore you owe me romance and sex and not just friendship." If she doesn't like you, or chooses not to date you, then that's it. She's made her choice and you can't guilt her with the amount of effort you put in or how much you really like her.

Her making that choice also comes with consequences, though, and if you told her, "I like you romantically, but I don't think we can be just friends because that is not what I want" and she still tries to get friendship from you, then you turn her down. You tell her no, and she has to accept it or move on.

[Aethian]

So...you lavish attention on a girl. She is...maybe humbled? But insted she's not ready and askes for a longer time to be friends...and you can't give that to her?

[Andara Bledin]

Not quite.

What I got from the OP is that the OP was interested in a girl, let the girl know that he was interested and thus fostered a relationship with her. She has, now, told him that while he is interested in a relationship with her, she is not interested in a relationship with him. Whether this is a recent decision or not is unsaid, and unless she made a specific statement to the OP, all we can do is speculate. The OP has decided that he is unable to retain a non-romantic relationship with the girl.

Honestly, they are both in similar boats. He wants a romance and she wants a friendship, and neither is in a position to give the other what they desire.

Regardless of whether you believe his feelings to be valid, they are still his feelings, and it is up to him to choose how to maintain his own happiness.

^-.-^

[guywithashovel]

If I'm romantically interested in someone, I cannot be "just friends." Call me every name in the book for that. It's not going to change the way things are.

We've had threads before about males and females being mere friends, and it seems trendy to say "Sure, why not?" when asked if it's possible---and really, it IS possible. However, not everyone can do it. Maybe the OP is someone who just has a hard time being friends with the opposite sex. The older I get, the more I realize that I have trouble being "just friends" in most circumstances (though not all). The reason being, I often catch myself wondering in the back of my mind if it's ever going to get more serious.

I hope this doesn't come off as a gross generalization, but it seems to me that a lot of women, young women especially, like the idea of having a "male girlfriend"---i.e., a guy they hang out with who teeters some strange line between boyfriend and friend and who accompanies them on shopping trips, meals out, and other outings. Not saying there's anything wrong with wanting such a person in your life. However, such a situation could lead to what the OP describes.

[Jaden]

So long as he was honest about his intentions from the beginning (which he said he was - the biggest problem with most "nice guys" is that they're passive-aggressive and don't make their intentions clear), then I fully understand where he's coming from. I've been in similar situations. It's not that she owes him anything - it's that he can't handle "just being friends" when he wants a stronger relationship from her, and she doesn't understand that.

When long-term romantic relationships have ended for me, I have to cut off pretty much all contact, and usually, the girl doesn't seem to understand why we can't be friends. But the simple fact of the matter is, it's going to be hard enough for me to deal with the emotional baggage without having to see or hear from you. If I had to talk with you or spend time with you, I'm straight up just going to have an emotional breakdown. So yeah, cutting off communications is the best way for me to preserve my sanity, since being just friends isn't an option.

[BlaqueKatt]

When long-term romantic relationships have ended for me, I have to cut off pretty much all contact, and usually, the girl doesn't seem to understand why we can't be friends. But the simple fact of the matter is, it's going to be hard enough for me to deal with the emotional baggage without having to see or hear from you.

Especially if they start talking about the "wonderful new shiny" person they just met, yeah thanks for throwing my failure in my face, as if I didn't feel horrible enough....

[fireheart17]

Not quite.

What I got from the OP is that the OP was interested in a girl, let the girl know that he was interested and thus fostered a relationship with her. She has, now, told him that while he is interested in a relationship with her, she is not interested in a relationship with him. Whether this is a recent decision or not is unsaid, and unless she made a specific statement to the OP, all we can do is speculate. The OP has decided that he is unable to retain a non-romantic relationship with the girl.

Honestly, they are both in similar boats. He wants a romance and she wants a friendship, and neither is in a position to give the other what they desire.

Regardless of whether you believe his feelings to be valid, they are still his feelings, and it is up to him to choose how to maintain his own happiness.

^-.-^

That's the feeling I got too.

And I've gone through this ALL too often.

All I've done is just kept up the friendship and then sorta "advertised" him off to any girl that IS lucky to have him.

[Gravekeeper]

I'm assuming this is the true heart of your steadfast argument in other threads at the moment?

While I will likewise chime in and say something about the way you're wording this strikes me the wrong way, as it comes across as you deserve more than friendship for all you've done. That said, yes its unfortunate, but neither of you are getting what you want out of this.

So unless there's an element of deceit here that you haven't specifically mentioned, you can't assign blame to her for this. Neither of you are what the other wants.

As for being friends with females, <shrug>, I can't claim to understand that one but from the opposite corner. As I can be friends with females just fine and don't understand the other corner that can't have any sort of relationship with a female that doesn't involve genetics or wang. ( Hopefully never both ). -.-

[Jaden]

I can be friends with females just fine. I doubt Slyt was saying he couldn't be friends with females at all. Just certain ones that he has strong feelings for.

As for me, I can be friends with females I'm attracted to, just not with girls with whom I've had romantic experiences. Too much baggage.

[Gravekeeper]

I can be friends with females just fine. I doubt Slyt was saying he couldn't be friends with females at all. Just certain ones that he has strong feelings for.

Was talking a bit more in general as we had a thread on this topic already.

As for me, I can be friends with females I'm attracted to, just not with girls with whom I've had romantic experiences. Too much baggage.

I can stay friends with exes, but not exactly gonna hang out on Friday nights or anything. Unless things ended amiably. Which they never really do ;p