This Is Why I Don't Stand Up To My Parents

[HotelKatz]

I had some time to better think about it, blas.

I think your mother and my grandma both thrive on the other person trying to be the bigger person. If the other person does not retaliate, people like my grandma and your mother see it as evidence that they are right because 'no one argues with the truth' or some other malarkey like that.

[blas87]

I think you are on to something, my friend.

[NateSean]

Plus, if you take a stand that is non-confrontational, it turns back on the person actually causing the problem as opposed to being deflected onto you.

^-.-^

That of course, only works if the other people present at the table know your mom full well and not just through rose colored glasses.

My own mother has this way of selling herself to people so that I was the badguy whenever I got into an argument with her. Even my own brothers, who weren't living with us at the time, used to think that I was just being an unreasonable and spoiled child. That all changed when two of them, as adults, had to stay with her for a few years while they were getting back on their feet.

Unfortunately that time waiting for everyone else to get on the ball with you can be just as drawn out and painful.

[Andara Bledin]

Unfortunately that time waiting for everyone else to get on the ball with you can be just as drawn out and painful.

I've been there.

I was essentially ostracized from our gaming group due to the fact that unless I nagged him constantly, my ex would ignore his diabetes. He's put himself in the hospital at least once since we split, and I think it's actually twice. But all everybody else saw was me "acting like a shrew" and so out I went.

^-.-^

[aurelemsrealm]

It's not as easy as just leaving. I can't just walk out the door. I will be followed and screamed at.

Your mother may be an expert at making a scene, but walking away seems like the best solution I could come up with for handling people who behave this way. I'll put it this way, it works perfectly well for me to simply terminate the situation by walking away. The only words when I come to that point are, "We're done here, it's over!" That's the point where I leave. I don't care what anyone else thinks about that as long as I can continue to live with myself.

I will grant that it sometimes takes a lot of courage to let the aggressor have their parting shots, but that tactic helps me to keep my sanity. There are only two other alternatives -- to be the doormat or to retaliate. Personally, I refuse to be anyone's doormat. Retaliation can sometimes feel rewarding, but you have to pick your battles.

So, the way I see it, confrontations like these come down to fight or flight.