because it's "family"

[KellyHabersham]

Just a rant about a belief/attitude of my mom's which came up recently - she feels that on holidays, it's important to get together with family members, because gatherings are where you talk and make connections. Which is fine, but I also feel that one shouldn't "have" to attend family get-togethers, and I've never particularly enjoyed them.....the following being the main reasons why:

- There's a major age difference between myself and my cousins, and while I get along with them okay, we really don't share the same interests, and have had different life experiences. Also, I've always felt like I've been held up to them as an example of "what not to do in life" (because I got pregnant outside of marriage), and this makes things awkward.

- It's only been within the past year or so that my older relatives finally showed interest in talking to me about something other than working at the library.

- I sometimes feel like I'm not taken "seriously" as an adult in comparasion to my siblings, because they've both reached various milestones in life which I have not. And perhaps this is just me taking it the wrong way, but I honestly feel that there is a difference between what relatives will talk about with my siblings & their spouses, versus what they will bring up with me.

[bex1218]

My dad wonders why I don't go to my stepmom's dad's for dinners and what not. My aunts and uncles are ok at times. Its her dad and sm that don't care about me cause I am not in any way shape or form blood related to any of them. I love her mom's side of the family. I am considered their's. Not just some annoyance.

I also don't like being around too many little kids. Love my cousins but my patience wears too thin for me. Esp when the parents don't look after them like they should.

[blas87]

Oh gosh. I think you tore a page out of my family's "book" entitled Respect and Obligation, written by my mom, forced to be cowritten by my dad.

Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to spend holidays with them, go to their weddings, buy them gifts, or anything.

My mom was treated like garbage by her family her entire childhood/adolescence/young adult years, and to this day, she still believes she owes these morons something, despite the fact that most of the problems she has are because of these people.

[Slytovhand]

Hmmm - relatives... "Blood is thicker than water"... yep - real thick!!!

Let's see now... I do believe I saw my sister when I went back home a couple of years ago, along with my parents (I figured I should drop in and actually tell them I'm still alive). Haven't seen my brother in... what, 5 or 6 years now???

Haven't seen another relative in... probably over 10 years now - especially the ones living down south - so for cousins and my uncle, I wouldn't have seen them in probably closer to 25 years.

So, I just ignore them! Worked wonders for me and my sanity!!

[HotelKatz]

Personally, I believe that family is not related by blood, but is a group of people who care for each other.

[KellyHabersham]

Where I do have conflicting feelings though, is that I can see where my mom has a point - I've got some cousins who might as well be strangers because they didn't always attend family gatherings, and when we did do things with them, I usually wasn't there because I had to work. (plus, I think they preferred to do things with my siblings because my brother was closer in age to them, and my sister was the "cool" one)

[fireheart17]

I stopped attending gatherings about partway through Year 11.

Now, unless it's my parents birthdays, my sisters birthdays, my birthdays, or big events such as weddings, 21st, 40th and so on, I don't attend. Simply because a) my cousins don't attend due to work/partying whatever, b) I have uni work, c) I'm usually away those weekends.

[bara]

I love my siblings.. but I dont like big gatherings. Figure that shit out.

[Racket_Man]

hmmmm let's see now:

my own family: I am considerably younger than my 3 siblings. I see my middle sister once (Thanksgiving) or maybe twice a year (some other occasion).

I see my brother (the oldest) maybe every couple of years

I see my youngest sister ....... at funerals but years and years ago my parents and I used to go there a couple of times a year.

I used to see my Mom (now passed) and Dad (when he was still alive) for Christmas and maybe sometime during the summer.

Most of the time we have had "family" gatherings for the last 20 years have been for funerals (my Dad first, then my Aunt Mom's sister then Mom almost 2 years ago).

my siblings are, even to this day, alien beings to me. ie. never really got to know them all that well as they were off to college by the time I turned 5.

my Grandparents were all mostly dead by the time I was born.

I did get to know my Mom's sister (Fantastic Aunt unmarried) but her brother (passed) and his family were virtually unknown to me (as in all but one could walk up to me and say HI and I would not be able even fathom who they are or their relation to me)

my Father's family: his father passed way before I was born. his Mother died when I was around 22. his sister passed when I was a teenager and his sister's children, lilke my siblings were way older. never really got to know them all that well excerpty that I know her son was gay.

all in all there is no real family left for us to have "gatherings"