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  • Life in general

    This is going to be very ranty/whiny, so I apologize in advance.

    list seems best:

    1. my spouse of the last 6 years, we've been together for over 9 years, has decided he wants a divorce, various reasons have been given so I have no idea which one is the truth, but all of them are things I have zero ability to change, and not one is anything I've "done". The main one he keeps on about is wanting kids, I cannot have any more, he knew this when we got married, it was one of the reasons he gave for wanting to get married, said if he changed his mind we'd adopt, now that's not good enough. I helped support him through school, and now that it's my turn....sorry...this is the THIRD TIME. I can't get alimony because we've been married less than 10 years, he makes 2x + what I do. Can't get student loans because I'd be having to borrow over $40,000 for an $8,000 degree, have to be FT student for Federal loans, and the program I want is 60+hours a week between lab and class, and with a ft job making $13/hour I can't afford rent/food/bills, so a PT job to accommodate school wouldn't cover anything, I'd be stuck living off of loans.

    2. Rent here is too high for me to afford.
    I have zero friends, and zero family, last few roommates I had turned out very badly(things stolen, bills/rent not paid, "guests" of roommates trying to climb into bed with me). I have to stay in the city due to no license(can't get due to medical issues), and no car, so I need to be within bus/bike distance. even a studio is over my budget, they run over $600/month for less than 100 sq ft of living space, and with my budget and bills(only necessities) that rent would leave me with less than $30 a week for food and travel(buss pass is $60/month or $15/week), plus studios here don't normally allow pets, and my cats are the only thing that keeps me going right now(and a major expense due to their food because they have grain allergies).

    3. I make too much for any kind of assistance, never mind that my bills are almost equal to my income, I'm trying to pay down my medical debt which is well over $20,000 right now, due to some health issues from before I had insurance, and bills that insurance refused to cover for BS reasons. Food pantries are out of the question because I don't have kids, they're open when I'm working(seriously they're open for two hours one day a week), and not on bus lines, so even if I wasn't working I couldn't get to them.

    4. everyone at work keeps telling me, "if it's important you'll find a way, otherwise you'll find an excuse", "it's not that bad", "get over it", and "get used to ramen-ha ha", and being overly sympathetic to the people that are CAUSING their own problems. (oh you're paying $900 a month for daycare even though your spouse just sits at home on the internet, OMG that's horrible, I feel so bad for you.)

    Seriously, I'm facing starvation and/or homelessness and you're cracking jokes about it? Oh yeah, the four of you own paid off houses, have no student loans, or debt of any kind, own two cars and a scooter each, also paid off, and each have around $20,000 in savings. That would probably explain why you can't fathom being poor enough to not be able to buy a new shirt when they shrink, so you report me for violationg the dress code because less than an inch of skin is visible between my pants and shirt, so now I have to spend my last $40(that was going to buy my food for the next two weeks) buying shirts that don't offend you dear co-workers, though I do notice that the other female standing next to you that you play MMORPGs with isn't offending you by wearing a shirt cut so low I can tell you she's wearing a black lace bra...because I can SEE IT(short, as in under 5', overweight as in over 250#, whiny, whines about EVERYTHING, part time worker, works fewer than 16 hours a week(2 hours wed, 2 hours thur, 5 hours fri, 6 hours sat) .


    I am 100% defeated, I give up, throw in the towel, I lost. Any future I had has been totally destroyed, and there is nothing I can do about it, not my fault, didn't cause it, can't fix it, so WTF am I supposed to do?
    Last edited by BlaqueKatt; 04-19-2012, 10:14 PM.
    Registered rider scenic shore 150 charity ride

  • #2
    I wish I knew the right words to help or comfort you in this situation other than to say I'm sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I went through a situation 5 years ago where I felt like everything was stacked against me. I made it through it only because someone gave me a chance when others wouldn't. Ultimately, I fell short of the final goal, but the support I had from the unforseen party helped me to succeed as much as I had. I also had to swallow my pride and ask my dad for help with my student loans, to keep them from defaulting.

    Here in Vegas, we have a couple women's shelters. While they mostly take in abuse victims, they're also there for the homeless, as well as the single moms struggling to keep from being homeless. They have counselors set up to help these women secure housing, jobs, medical needs, etc.

    You may not directly qualify for one in your area, but they might be able to at least help point you in the right direction.
    Some People Are Alive Only Because It's Illegal To Kill Them.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by crashhelmet View Post
      You may not directly qualify for one in your area, but they might be able to at least help point you in the right direction.
      the ones here only take in families, and they have a waiting list, because people come from out of town/out of state for them(my sister would pick up people off the greyhound bus in her cab and take them straight to the shelters. We currently have a "tent city" of the homeless right now, about 50 people.....
      Registered rider scenic shore 150 charity ride

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      • #4
        The only remotely useful thing I can say now is
        "My in-laws are country people and at night you can hear their distinctive howl."

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        • #5
          I'm so sorry, Katt I don't know what else to say to you but I feel for you and I'll be thinking of you.

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          • #6
            all I can say is I fullly understand your circumstances (been there myself).
            I'm lost without a paddle and I'm headed up sh*t creek.

            I got one foot on a banana peel and the other in the Twilight Zone.
            The Fools - Life Sucks Then You Die

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            • #7
              Originally posted by BlaqueKatt View Post
              I do notice that the other female standing next to you that you play MMORPGs with isn't offending you by wearing a shirt cut so low I can tell you she's wearing a black lace bra...because I can SEE IT.
              Did you report her?

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              • #8
                I hate squealers like that.

                A little off topic, but I think any boss who instantly jumps on the opportunity to ream someone who is tattled on for the most minor thing, but ignores one or more desperate cries for help against a bully coworker (or superior)........needs to be hung upside down by their toenails. Talk about priorities!

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                • #9
                  Damn, BK. I've held off on commenting as I don't have any practical advice to give, but you have my sympathies.

                  Rapscallion
                  Proud to be a W.A.N.K.E.R. - Womanless And No Kids - Exciting Rubbing!
                  Reclaiming words is fun!

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                  • #10
                    I'm sorry about the divorce. After my parents' (relatively amicable) split, my mom mentioned that she wouldn't wish that experience on her worst enemy. Even without children involved, it can be such a heart-wrenching experience. My thoughts are with you.

                    FYI, I suspect there's a typo in your first post. Unless you live in Hong Kong, it's unlikely that 100 square feet of space would cost you $600 a month. You should be able to get 3-4 times that much space, even in NYC. I realize that's cold comfort if the $600 is too much for you at all.

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                    • #11
                      I'm sorry you're going through this. /hugs

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Boozy View Post
                        FYI, I suspect there's a typo in your first post. Unless you live in Hong Kong, it's unlikely that 100 square feet of space would cost you $600 a month. You should be able to get 3-4 times that much space, even in NYC. I realize that's cold comfort if the $600 is too much for you at all.
                        the "actual measurements" of the studios a around 330 sq feet, and they include kitchen, bathroom, and closets the only place you can put furniture is the "living sleeping area" which is usually 11'x10', so about 100 sq feet of "living space", or floor space. This city went "condo crazy", during the housing boom and when the 30% of all new buildings must be low income, law was repealed, nothing was built except condos,(and a few "luxury apartments which run $1200 for a 400 sq ft studio, and some townhouses] and numerous(by some estimates over 50%)existing apartment complexes became condos*, which sit empty rather than be rented because the owners got greedy. the "median income listed for my city is $50,000(because a previous mayor decided to condemn all the low income/high crime areas[buildings were gutted and turned into condos] and merely move the tenants to an area that is technically not "city"), we're a college town, rents are high due to students. The only places you can rent a room with a shared kitchen and bathroom are near campus, and they charge $400 a month.


                        *the first apartment I lived in back in 1993, was a two bedroom for $420/month, I made two dollars an hour less than I'm making today-that apartment is now a $90,000 "condo", and it was not updated from when I lived there(paint and carpet I don't consider to be "updates")
                        Last edited by BlaqueKatt; 04-21-2012, 02:04 PM.
                        Registered rider scenic shore 150 charity ride

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                        • #13
                          First of all even if from a total stranger

                          Second, if apartments are that expensive, you might consider movign in with soeone. Can't be as bad as having to decide between clothes and food, no matter how bad they might be...
                          I think crash was suggesting that you just talk to the abuse home counselors, as they would probably know how to help more than we can.

                          If nothing else, move to Europe . Just think, free healthcare, a bad, but decent enough economy, and accents, ACCENTS EVERYWHERE! Be it German, English, French, Italian, accents everywhere! :P

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by kamn View Post
                            Second, if apartments are that expensive, you might consider movign in with soeone. Can't be as bad as having to decide between clothes and food, no matter how bad they might be...
                            I think I already covered that
                            Originally posted by BlaqueKatt View Post
                            I have zero friends, and zero family, last few roommates I had turned out very badly(things stolen, bills/rent not paid, "guests" of roommates trying to climb into bed with me).
                            losing things important to me, some of it irreplaceable, having all the food in the house eaten by my roommate's friends, and attempted rape are not worth it in my book.
                            Registered rider scenic shore 150 charity ride

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                            • #15
                              Man, it seems that there are no good options for you, are there? Have you considered reaching out to all the charities in your area? I know you've turned down every suggestion brought up to you already, but I have to wonder - if you plead your case, maybe someone will try to help you out.

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