Freebies....

[Slytovhand]

Most of us know, if you have a particular skill that people want, then they'll usually try to ask you for it... if you're a lawyer, they'll ask for legal advice. If you're in the medical profession, someone will ask you about some illness you've got. If you're a mechanic, someone always has a problem with their car they need you to fix. If you're a computer engineer, someone always needs a hand...

And, if you're a professional (ie, this is your job), you know just how damn annoying it is when this constantly happens!

My rant today? Well, I'm an ESL teacher. It's my job to teach people English. It's a little different from other professions and skills - as it's a skill I use for most of my daily living experience. I use it communicate with various people around me (my Chinese sucks, at the moment )

So, it really shits me to have so many people who 'want to be my friend', when I know in reality, they just want a free language lesson (or 20!!!). Just recently, I've had to (chosen to) remove people from my contact lists for just this reason...

And, it also makes it hard to start up a relationship... girl seems interested. Girl comes over to talk. Girl only wants to practice her English. Guy gets pissed-off!

Getting more and more like the only girls I should be looking to date are my Aussie girls in the expat bar (oh, and maybe the poms and yanks ) And, really, there aren't really a lot of them around....

[Imprl59]

I can sure relate to this! I'm "the computer guy" and all my friends seem to expect free computer service. I don't know why people don't understand you do your job all day long, you don't want to do it for free during all your off time too.

We recently had a new guy join our weekly card game and the first words out of his mouth were "Hi, I'm Bob. I need you to help me with a problem with my games on Yahoo". I've never met this guy before in my life...

I've taken to just telling people Sorry, I don't know anything about that. I can't think of any line that would work in your situation though.

Imprl

[lupo pazzesco]

Ohhh, that sucks a lot. I know several computer people who deal with this on a regular basis, my boyfriend being one of them. He knows a lot about computers, but isn't a techie, per se, but all the same.

I'll admit sometimes I'll ask friends with a specialty to help me out, but usually it's on the barter system, i.e. "I need help with this program because I'm technologically challenged. I don't have money, but in exchange, I could offer baked goods/a meal/food from my garden" or anything like that. If they insist I pay, I ask if I can work out a payment plan. And if they don't have time, welp, it's on me to try and figure it out, usually by going to online forums and finding people who've had similar problems and trying to solve them myself.

Friendship isn't doling out expected freebies if you're an "expert" it's a give and take relationship, and if you're taking someone's skills, you should offer SOMETHING in return. Just my opinion, of course.

[Greenday]

Usually when I explain to people what I've done as a forensic chemist so far, the two biggest things people ask me for is "How can I pass my drug test in a few days?" and "How can I build a bomb?" Right, because I'm going to help anyone do either of those things.

[anakhouri]

My husband is a doctor. Lots of people ask him for medical advice.

...they're usually a little disappointed to discover he is a Ph.D. in biochemistry. If you need to know how to do surgery on mice, he's your man. If it's about that rash, go somewhere else.

[Seshat]

Usually when I explain to people what I've done as a forensic chemist so far, the two biggest things people ask me for is "How can I pass my drug test in a few days?" and "How can I build a bomb?" Right, because I'm going to help anyone do either of those things.

The ingredients and ratios for both gunpowder and dynamite are public knowledge, and available at your local library.

Of course, mixing them without blowing oneself up is one's own problem...

[bara]

"How can I pass my drug test in a few days?"

This ones easy.

Don't do drugs.

[Greenday]

The ingredients and ratios for both gunpowder and dynamite are public knowledge, and available at your local library.

Of course, mixing them without blowing oneself up is one's own problem...

You can also just go on Amazon. Hell, I just got two reference books the other day.

This ones easy.

Don't do drugs.

Yea, I tell people that, but for some reason that's not an acceptable answer.

[bex1218]

Thankfully my grandmother pays me to help her with her phone. She paid me 10 bucks for a 5 minute job.

[Amanita]

I do cosplay, and have picked up some skills- fabric and leathercraft especially.
I have a friend who can't do any of that, and is on a strict budget. I used to be willing to make her things, but no longer. One, I made her a gorgeous Jedi costume- the bottom tunic was made of seafoam green cotton, and the sleeveless upper tunic was forest green cotton, with a stencilled and hand painted design along the hem. That painting alone took a few hours! I charged her only the cost of the fabric.

She almost ruined that outfit by slopping mayo on it, and not washing it for over a month. I was PISSED. She also managed to misplace the lightsaber I had built for her earlier, and the day before an event, wanted to appropriate one of my matched dual wielding pair. "I can just have one of yours, right? After all, you have two!"

This wasn't the first time she had expected me to provide her with everything needed for her fun outings, but I've cut her off. The kicker was when I asked her for help at an upcoming con. I wanted somebody to come out on stage with me, wearing a costume designed to compliment mine. I would pay for the costume, and my partner would only need to wear it for the duration of the contest. I asked if she would be willing to help me out, and she turned me down flat as a pancake. After all the hours I spent working on projects for her, she won't even help me out with one of mine. And it's not like she was planning to enter the contest, she can't! Her only costume is not her own work.

Yeah, I was a little steamed. I've spent hours working on projects for her, loaned her expensive gear, and helped her order a second lightsaber online. But when it's time to reciprocate, I get left high and dry. I know what my answer will be if she asks for me to make her anything- "No, not interested". Her exact words to me when I asked for a little help, just once.

[Andara Bledin]

Wow. Has that girl never heard the tale of the Little Red Hen?

^-.-^

[blas87]

I'm not exactly a talented person, but I have a real knack for what looks good on me. But, some people seem to think that that means I can be their personal freaking stylist. "What should I wear with this?", and I don't mean just a question in passing or via text. I mean, my mom will have an entire section of her closet spread out on the bed and her life seems to depend on what I pick for her.

I'm not an actual expert. I just know what colors go well together and have a decent idea of what body types look good in what.

Either that or when people ask for my opinion on what they should do to their hair. Just because I spend an insane amount of time on my hair and get it re-touched (the bottom half I mean) every month or so a different crazy color doesn't mean I know what looks good on you.

[Greenday]

I'm not an actual expert. I just know what colors go well together

Still trying to master this. So far I know black and blue doesn't really go together.

[AdminAssistant]

Depends on the shade of blue. I think black and bright royal blue look good together, but that's just me.

[Amanita]

Yeah, Little red hen is right. I have an idea for an essay aimed at cosplayers, about this very thing. I know some people can't sew or craft- either they have no skill (have genuinely tried to master something yet can't seem to get the hang of it), or no time to make things on their own.
Some of these types are lucky enough to have friends or relatives with talent and skill. I want to write something aimed at these types, to help them not make the mistakes I read about here.
Basically I'm going to say that it all comes down to reciprocity- if you ask somebody for a favor (fixing your computer, diagnosing car trouble, making or lending cosplay gear), the key is reciprocity. Exchange of skills is an option. Or doing some other type of favor in return.
When there's give and take, that's one thing. But when it's all one sided, it becomes mooching. Which sucks.

In regards to my friend refusing to help me, yeah, I know that nobody owes me anything, no is a complete sentance, blah blah blah. But after all the favors I've done for her, all the time I've taken from my own projects to help her, it hurts to be blown right off like that, when I could use a hand, that wouldn't require her to spend a cent, just some time.