"You don't have kids yet?!"

[guywithashovel]

I was just going to add this, but MadMike seems to have beat me to it.

Even if you did have a kid, the people pestering you probably wouldn't stop. Then, they'd want to know when you were going to have another one, and if you said you weren't sure when or that you didn't plan to, you'd get a guilt trip about only children being lonely and growing up alienated and maladjusted.

Fortunately, I don't get many people pestering me about it. Granted, my sister has two kids, so I have no pressure to give Mom and Dad grandchildren---not that merely providing grandchildren is a good reason to have kids.

I just can't fathom why someone would rake another person over the coals over not having kids or supposedly not having enough kids. That is so personal a question that it could be put on the same level as walking up to random women in the street and asking them for their bra sizes.

[bex1218]

I change my mind on a lot of things. But I know I would be bad with kids, long term. I can handle visits. I don't even want marriage. "You are still young, you'll change your mind". I may be 21, but I am a selfish person. Not going to happen.

[HYHYBT]

It's one advantage of being male: people are more likely to see not having a wife as a good reason not to have a child either. The "turkey baster" approach just doesn't work for us. (And, of course, some of us are lucky enough to have a good backup even to that: there seems, at least around here, to be a big overlap between those who think just about everybody should have kids and those who think gay people shouldn't.)

[anakhouri]

Even if you did have a kid, the people pestering you probably wouldn't stop. Then, they'd want to know when you were going to have another one, and if you said you weren't sure when or that you didn't plan to, you'd get a guilt trip about only children being lonely and growing up alienated and maladjusted.

Yep. it begins "When are you getting married?" then "When are you having kids?" then "Are you thinking of having another? How about now? Now?"

"So...you want me to have a second kid I don't want and will resent? Because that's totally fair to the child."

And no, he doesn't NEED a sibling, he will adjust socially just fine once he gets to school, no we don't need to have more children because we are so smart and creative etc., and the world is already overcrowded. So bugger off and have them yourself.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Fortunately, I don't get many people pestering me about it. Granted, my sister has two kids, so I have no pressure to give Mom and Dad grandchildren---not that merely providing grandchildren is a good reason to have kids.

My mum did ask me a few times if I was going to have kids; not in a nasty way, but more inquiring. Once my older brother married and produced a daughter, she stopped asking me. My brother and sister in law now have two daughters; Fiance's brother has two sons. Both of us are off the hook! XD

No, I made the decision to enter something as serious as a marriage engagement without discussing that

I mean, really?

LadyBarbossa; that's exactly what I ought to say to those people. I find it very rude for people to assume that I'm a horrible child hating bitch who's conspiring to deprive my happily ignorant husband to be of kids. Yes, we did discuss it ages ago and we came to the conclusion that since we both like staying up all night, going out on the motorbike, getting drunk, going to see concerts and sleeping in, it's best that we don't have any kids of our own. After all, we get to see the nephews and nieces, and that's all the good parts of kids with none of the bad.

[Lachrymose]

I'm surprised I don't get asked a lot, because I am the last (feasible) person to "pass down my family name"*.

But it ain't happening.

*This pretty much means nothing, anyway.

[HYHYBT]

Tell them you can't have kids. Not much room for argument there, and if you ever do have one in the future... well, that kind of surprise is common enough.

[blas87]

That's not a bad idea, but if you're still somewhat young, prime child bearing age so to speak, people won't believe you anyway.

"Oh, that's silly, you're only 23! Of course you can have kids!"

I guess it just gives these people a temporary shock if they find out that not everyone wants to do the "traditional" thing.

Do a little research online, preachers. More and more women are putting off marriage and kids because of wanting to further their careers, go back to school again, travel the world, etc etc. Younger men, I've researched, are more apt to accept a woman for not wanting to have kids.

And don't forget the stigma of people criticizing that you'll be an "old" parent. Oh dear, if you don't have a kid by 25, you're going to be sooo old that you won't be able to play with your kids and you'll surely die before they graduate.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I hate that, cuz it can happen with young parents, too. My grandfather on my dad's side died young, as a result of a tropical disease he picked up while fighting overseas in the war.

[the_std]

I'm under 25 as well and get asked all the time when I will be having kids. Luckily, I have an answer that keeps people from asking me more than once - going through pregnancy would either cripple or kill me. There is only one person in my life who knows that and continues to ask - my grandmother, and she only does it because of her own insecurities. But it still boggles my mind how many people, usually complete strangers, will ask me.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I sometimes say that I've put a lot of work into making my body look good, and don't want to ruin it with pregnancy, but the real reason is that I'm tokophobic; the very thought terrifies me and I can see myself harming myself in order to get rid of a fetus. I'm also aware of the fact that I'd be a terrible mother and feel it's best if I just buy a pair of rats instead of having kids.

Also, you can lock rats up in a cage; you can't do that with children. XD

[LadyBarbossa]

Tell them you can't have kids. Not much room for argument there, and if you ever do have one in the future... well, that kind of surprise is common enough.

That doesn't always work. They insist on IFV, adoption, or the "Just keep trying" method. If one or both partners are 'fixed', they'll insist on getting the procedure reversed. It's madness.

[MadMike]

If one or both partners are 'fixed', they'll insist on getting the procedure reversed.

Surprisingly, I haven't had anyone pull that on me. If they ever do, I'll say, "Hell no! I didn't go thru all that just to go and get it undone!"

[fireheart17]

"Oh, that's silly, you're only 23! Of course you can have kids!"

I swear those people need an education on congenital infertility. >.>

That doesn't always work. They insist on IFV, adoption, or the "Just keep trying" method. If one or both partners are 'fixed', they'll insist on getting the procedure reversed. It's madness.

Out of those:

-Adoption is INSANELY expensive. The ballpark figures I've heard are somewhere between $40,000-$70,000 and it can take up to at LEAST four years.
-IVF (not IFV) is also expensive, at up to $2000 per cycle. Also there's no guarantee that it will work each time.
-As for the "just keep trying" method, a friend of mine can't exactly do that: she was born with no uterus. (she still has her ovaries and a vagina of sorts, but she needs to stretch it before she can have sex)

As for me, I WANT kids, but not until my boyfriend and I are a bit more settled and in my case, until I'm a bit more settled with my medication.

[Nekojin]

-As for the "just keep trying" method, a friend of mine can't exactly do that: she was born with no uterus. (she still has her ovaries and a vagina of sorts, but she needs to stretch it before she can have sex)

Just the thought of a uterus stretcher (device) makes me think of Groucho Marx waggling his eyebrows.