The written word...

[protege]

...or in this case, the typed word.

I hate that things we sometimes type, can offend people, even though no offense is intended. Even though I try to pick my words very carefully, sometimes I do make mistakes. I'm only human, after all. What might be fine to me, might be taken the wrong way by someone.

It's annoying as hell, simply because the tone of voice isn't there. Sure, we can put smileys, but it's not the same.

[Sylvia727]

It's not limited to typing, though. Tone of voice can help explain, but people take offense to words both in person and over the screen. Typing may make it easier for them to do so, but it still falls on them to be mature about it.

[Flyndaran]

There is the opposite problem too. Some hide behind claims of misinterpretations and "that's not what I meant", when what they are really doing is just weaseling out.

[powerboy]

I feel the same way at times. And I hate that. I do not want to offend anyone. Well unless they do something to me first.

[Boozy]

Personally, I find it easier to convey tone using the written word than I do verbally.

If I'm distracted or tired, I'm more likely to sound dismissive of someone's concerns, even if I'm not. I also have the tendency to shout when I'm excited about something (never outgrew it) so I'll sound furious when I'm just annoyed or anxious.

I can take more time choosing my words when I'm writing, and after I'm finished, I take minute to read over what I've written to see if there's any way it could be misinterpreted. I wish more people would do that. Many times posts sound offensive when I know there was no malice intended.

The best thing people can do if they're constantly having their posts or e-mails misinterpreted is:

a) Work on grammar, punctuation, and syntax, as these things can drastically change the meanings of words, and

b) Work on vocabulary. Are you really "pissed off"? Perhaps you are just "irked". "You don't know what you're talking about!" might be better expressed as "I believe you are misinformed."

All bets are off when the recipient of your message has poor reading comprehension. If they decide to be offended, they'll find a way, and there's nothing better writing can do to change that.

[MystyGlyttyr]

With Boozy. Some people are just going to be offended, regardless of what you say or how you say it. It's their default state.

I just handle it the same way I handle food. I figure EVERYTHING gives me cancer/cholesterol/heart attack/stroke/whatever, so I might as well just enjoy myself and eat whatever I want. Along the same lines, EVERYTHING I say will offend SOMEONE, so I just say whatever I want to say and don't worry about it. If someone has a legitimate reason to get offended by what I say, then I might apologize, though I will think they need a thicker skin. There's a difference between words said to insult someone and words said just as words to be said, to me.

So often I'll say something disparaging about, say, women, or Catholics, or wrestlers, or whatever, and when someone rails at me and I inform them that I AM whatever I just mocked, they just go off the handle. It's kind of funny, actually.

[blas87]

Which is why sometimes I have a very hard time on here or CS. I made a thread about abrasive people a while back, and I really meant it.

Online, it's difficult to tell if people are joking or serious, or what tone they are using (if you will). So many stupid little things have been blown out of proportion because one or two people didn't like how something was worded.

I hate walking on eggshells to avoid offending or hurting people. But there are just some you can't please. You could word something perfectly and they'd still be offended by something or feel the need to correct you or say something really abrasive and rude back.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I often offend people accidently, due to not always being able to tell what someone means. I do try not to, but not to the extent that I'm walking on eggshells. In my book, it's the offended person who has the problem and if they are seeing offence in nuances, they're the ones who need to get help and grow a thicker skin and stop bellyaching over pointlessness.

Like a person on another board who bitched about me making a joke about blondes; I shut her up right away by telling her that I was a natural blonde. Some of the best Irish jokes I ever heard were told to me by an Irish bloke I met down the pub.

[Greenday]

I tend to not hold back what I'm think while on the internet. I say what I think. If I don't understand what someone says, instead of getting upset, I just ask the person what they meant by it instead of just exploding on them.

The problem with the internet, is when you are having real conversations on AIM, or skype or something, things tend to get misunderstood A LOT. Has led to a lot of fights between my girlfriend and I.

[Flyndaran]

...

I just handle it the same way I handle food. I figure EVERYTHING gives me cancer/cholesterol/heart attack/stroke/whatever, so I might as well just enjoy myself and eat whatever I want. Along the same lines, EVERYTHING I say will offend SOMEONE, so I just say whatever I want to say and don't worry about it. If someone has a legitimate reason to get offended by what I say, then I might apologize, though I will think they need a thicker skin. There's a difference between words said to insult someone and words said just as words to be said, to me..

I'm sorry to say that that's not a very rational stance. Ignoring warnings because you are inundated with exagerated alarms does not mean you should ignore all risks. Proper risk assessement and careful analysis of one's own situation is what we should all do. Head in sand is just as bad as Chicken Little.

...So often I'll say something disparaging about, say, women, or Catholics, or wrestlers, or whatever, and when someone rails at me and I inform them that I AM whatever I just mocked, they just go off the handle. It's kind of funny, actually.

In my opinion, that does not get you off the hook anymore than blacks that use the N word.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I'm sorry to say that that's not a very rational stance. Ignoring warnings because you are inundated with exagerated alarms does not mean you should ignore all risks. Proper risk assessement and careful analysis of one's own situation is what we should all do. Head in sand is just as bad as Chicken Little.

There's a big difference between "head in sand" and "did the risk assessment and decided it wasn't worth my effort." Believe me, there are probably very few people who are more aware of risks in anything than I am. I just choose to disregard them. I'm not going to waste my life trying to sort out what science can't make up it's mind on when nonsmoking, nondrinking, health food horking, exercise an hour a day virgin people drop dead every day for no known reason and 95-year-old women proclaim their liveliness to a lifetime of boozin', whorin' and smokin'.

In my opinion, that does not get you off the hook anymore than blacks that use the N word.

If you don't like what I say, don't look at it, don't listen to it. Block me. You have that option. I'm not for everyone, and I'm not going sanitize myself because someone thinks I should be. I'm me, and me is not a G-rated person who says G-rated things.

But the words a person uses are meaningless without intent. No one thinks a three-year-old who blurts out "cunt" is doing it to be mean, they're saying it because it's there. I attribute far more to a person's intent than to their verbage. Not everyone agrees and that's their business, but if one of my friends is joking and calling me a split-tail, I'll laugh. If one of my enemies calls me a stupid jerk, I will get insulted. That's just how I roll.