Controlling Wives

[AdminAssistant]

Since I've moved back home, I've made friends with hubby's friends and their wives. There are two in particular - Keith and Eric. Both are hubby's friends and co-workers. Keith is engaged to Ann, and Eric is married to Jennifer and has a 1 year old.

Keith is the DM of our D&D group, which consists of Ann, Eric, Hubby, Rob, and, now, myself.* We were finally all able to get together last weekend so that I could make a character and start playing with them. Eric has a nice-ish house with a spare room upstairs that he has turned into a rather nice gaming room. So, he hosts, we order Chinese food, etc. Jennifer, instead of hanging out, playing, or otherwise socializing, sulks downstairs watching tv and yells at us any time we crack open the door to let the air circulate a bit better. How dare we make noise and interrupt her precious Mad Men?

Okay, if you're going to be so blatantly rude to your guests, DON'T HOST, first of all. Secondly, she's one of a series of wives/girlfriends I've met who see gaming as a silly hobby that their hubbies/boyfriends need to grow out of. I had a different friend's wife give me tips for "getting Hubby off video games." Why would I want him to give up the one hobby that he really enjoys? Since dropping WoW and SWTOR, we're not even spending any money on it, and Guild Wars 2 doesn't have a subscription. As long as he holds a job and helps out around the house, I'm not going to make him give up his games, and I'm baffled by the women that would.


*Seriously it is SO MUCH FUN. Why didn't someone tell me tabletop gaming was so much fun?

[HYHYBT]

But don't you know, your husband is only supposed to do the things *you* (or, rather, your nosy second-degree friends) like!

[Amanita]

As a woman, I HATE this idea, that we are supposed to whip our men into shape, to get them to stop being "Peter Pans", by forcing them to give up the fun things they enjoy.

If the guy in question spends so much time at his hobby that it's interfering with work and family, then there's a problem. But if not, then why all the pressure to make him give up the fun things he enjoys?

And yes, I agree with you, Jennifer sounds hella rude! Even if she didn't want to take part in the gaming, yelling at you guys every time you opened the door was uncalled for.

[AdminAssistant]

Yeah, honestly, I don't really want to have it at their place again, even though they have the nicest setup. Keith has a big enough place for us all, and so will we in a few weeks. Eric claimed that she 'had a headache' but I think she was just trying to spoil his fun. Hubby has known both of them for years, and apparently she's always been like this.

[jackfaire]

These are women that are examples of those members of our generation that have been brainwashed into thinking "this hobby is an adult one" "this one is not" which is complete BS. You should go back to those women and give them tips for getting their husbands to stop watching tv, reading books, or do anything else that they did in any capacity as a kid because after all if they did it as a kid it can't very well be an adult activity. Since that seems to be the only definition of "video games" are for kids that I have seen.

[MaggieTheCat]

If everyone (or at least more than one person) has the room to play, you could rotate who hosts every time you play. That way, the host with the bitchy wife won't feel left out or like his place is a "burden" and you won't have to deal with the bitchy wife every week.

I knew a few guys back in my hometown who had wives/girlfriends like this, and it drove me crazy. The guys were "allowed" to play with their friends for a limited amount of time every week, as specified by the wife. If they went over their allotted time, they caught hell for it. I distinctly remember one time we were playing and one of the guys had to leave at a specific time so he could get home. Well, we were in the middle of a combat at that time so he called his wife to ask/tell her he would be late. He left the room for a minute to make the call, and when he came back, his head was hanging and he wouldn't look at any of us as he told us he had to leave right now because his wife was super-pissed at him. I wasn't sure if I should feel sorry for him, or just angry/annoyed at the wife.

Out of curiosity, what are you guys playing? D&D 4th edition?

[jackfaire]

I will never ever marry a person like this....again.

My ex-wife was like that. If it was something she wanted to do hang out etc then we had to go do it. "Honey I don't like the neighbors" "I don't care I like them and they are my friends so now they are your friends too"

Most often these women feel treat their husband like he is some accessory she picked up shopping at the mall one day. Sadly movies cater to that world view.

Many romantic comedies have the husband "whipped" and it's supposed to be seen as empowering to women and if you point out how it's really not and it's emasculating men without actually empowering women, since empowered women would be able to have a man be her equal not her pet, then you get told your a misogynist jerk that just wants to subjugate women.

[AdminAssistant]

you won't have to deal with the bitchy wife every week.
/snip
Out of curiosity, what are you guys playing? D&D 4th edition?

I think once we get the new apartment up and running, I may offer to host one night. We don't play weekly, we play "whenever we can all get in the same room during the weekend" which is hard during the summer.

It's D&D, but I don't know what edition. Last weekend was my first time playing, so I still don't know a lot about it. The DM is really cool and casual, and just kinda let me jump in and has been explaining the rules to me as we go along.

[ExRetailDrone]

I really don't understand this mindset, either. Both hubby and I are into gaming (I miss table-top gaming...haven't been part of a group in about 7 years now ), but there are things he really enjoys that I have no interest in. He's into Warhammer 40K and loves painting and assembling his miniatures. I couldn't care less about it for myself, but it's something that he enjoys and I would never think to try to get him out of the hobby. The only way he'll get out of the hobby is if he decides he no longer enjoys it. Why on earth would I try to take away something that calms and relaxes him?

People like Jennifer need to find a hobby of their own that they enjoy as thoroughly so that they can stop putting a damper on the fun of those they supposedly love.

[drunkenwildmage]

I had stopped gaming when I was married, not because my wife told me to to quit, she didn't, and fact, tried to encourage me to go, it was I couldn't, in my mind, justified the time needed for gaming, even though it was just once ever other week. Since she passed away at the first of the year, I had picked it back up, mostly has a diversion.



This was in the 90s when this happened, before cell phones..

At this time on our lives, we gamed twice a week.. at a friends apartment, on Wednesdays, and then at another friends house on Saturdays or Sundays..

Most of the core grouped games both nights, but we did have some members game one or the other nights.

On one Wednesday Gaming, the apartment friend was late getting out of work. So instead of us sitting in the parking lot of his apartment, we decided to go over to my place and game since it was the closest place. At the time, I lived in a fairly large trailer park.

With the group was a 'Saturday' guy, who was able to join us on a Wednesday. Even though he and his wife knew most of the members through the SCA, she refused to game and hated the idea of him gaming. Saturday's were OK, because they lived real close to the place we gamed at (next street over or something) so it was well withing annoying distance for her. Wednesdays not so much.

Couple hours after we got to my place, and started gaming, I answered the door, after hearing the sound of someone coming up my steps, thinking it was the pizza we had ordered. Turned out to by this guys wife. Frist thing she told me was "I want 'Andy' outside now!!." Andy went outside, and for the next 20 mins or so, they argued on my deck. (well, it was more like she yelled, and he said 'yes dear' every few minutes.) After that he comes in, with head down, and all he said is 'I have to go'. Took it stuff and left.

We found out later, that she went to the friends apartment , after we left, looking for Andy. The friend had just gotten home, and knew of roughly the location of my trailer, but didn't know the name of the park (there are 2 Trailer parks fairly close to each other) but guessed that we ended up at my place. My park had over 200 trailers in it, and the other once had the same, if not, more trailers. She went from the apartment,and drove around *BOTH* parks, until she came across the gamer's cars that she recognized.


2 or 3 years after this happened they divorced after he caught her cheating on him with another member of the SCA.

[Peppergirl]

Women like this give the rest of us a bad name. Pisses me off.

I'm really big on spending quality time with one's friends and pursing individual interests when in a relationship.

It galls me to share a chromosome with these types of shrieking harpies.

[siead_lietrathua]

those women drive me nuts. if you know what the man is like, and you don't like him how he is, then don't friggan marry him.
people shouldnt be made to feel like they have to be "fixed".

[Andara Bledin]

I had a great friend who used to attend the gaming conventions.

His wife is an anti-gamer, anti-fan, anti-not-her-time type. She allows him to attend one convention per year. I think the only reason that marriage will last is because he can fill any hole in his life with kids. You know that one woman who coos over every single baby in a mile radius? That's him. Once the kids are grown and out of the house, tho, I'm not sure what the hell they're going to have in common.

My brother had a friend who was very nearly his best friend at the time. He fell in with a woman who demanded that only people she approved of were allowed to attend the wedding. The guy who was supposed to be the best man was cut out of the ceremony by this vile harpy. And if they weren't at the wedding, they weren't allowed to attend the reception. That didn't last more than two years before he managed to escape her smothering clutches.

Thankfully, Nekojin and I are compatible geeks, having originally met at a gaming convention, so no fears that either of us will try to stifle the other's choice of hobby.

^-.-^

[Teysa]

My SO has been having weekly gaming sessions at our house for as long as I can remember. I've never had a problem with it. I know where he is and more importantly, it's something he genuinely enjoys. Why interfere with that?

I'll admit I don't really participate that much, but I'll still fix lunch or dinner for everyone if I'm home. Mostly, though, I like to let him have his 'time with the boys' so to speak.

[Giggle Goose]

Ok, to be fair, I'd be pretty pissed off if someone interrupted "Mad Men."

But really--gaming isn't really my cup of tea, but my fiance has his own hobbies that don't necessarily mesh with mine. I don't care what the hell he does, as long as he's not screwing other women and I get to watch what I want on TV. Sometimes I'll even ask him to go play golf, sail, or brew beer with his buddies so I can get some time to myself. Why can't that chick just go to a friend's house if she's worried about a little noise?

Oh that's right, she probably doesn't have any