Controlling Wives

[Peppergirl]

Ugh, Andara. He's still with her? I remember you talking about this guy. I sorta hoped he'd have come to his senses by now.

[Andara Bledin]

Ugh, Andara. He's still with her? I remember you talking about this guy. I sorta hoped he'd have come to his senses by now.

Well, he's got kids, so he's really happy about that. But like I said, I'm not sure how it'll fall out once they hit the empty nest stage.

^-.-^

[Rageaholic]

those women drive me nuts. if you know what the man is like, and you don't like him how he is, then don't friggan marry him.
people shouldnt be made to feel like they have to be "fixed".

Anyone who feels the need to "fix" me can GTFO and DIAF. There is nothing more infuriating than someone trying to control me in their oh so subtle ways.

As for as controlling wives, that's where I'm noticing a double standard (at least on TV). Women who nag and try to control their husbands are always played for laughs. After all, the husband is a bad man for having his own interests. On the other hand, husbands who pull even half the shit that sitcom wives pull are instantly villainized. It's as if women can do no good, but men always need their wifes to keep them in line.

It's one trope that needs to die.

[Amanita]

Wow, just wow. A guy driving around looking like that, and screaming at his cowed wife would be considered abusive.

In regards to controlling girlfriends who want to take away their SO's hobbies and fun, this thread is interesting:

http://forums.thecustomsabershop.com...=justification

My posts can be read on the last page, and I think this one sums up how I feel about this mentality:

"that line of thinking I mentioned, where it's okay or expected for a girl to nag a guy and generally take his fun things away, that's downright insulting to BOTH genders!

It's insulting to men- it implies that men are irresponsible Peter Pan types who just don't wanna grow up, and have to be pushed or forced to give up their fun and become "real men" for their own good. It's also demeaning to women- It forces us ladies into the role of disciplinarian, killjoy, wet blanket, and nag. It places a massive burden on us- that those men will just never grow up and leave never-neverland unless WE make them. The burden of making men grow up is now all on us, never mind the guy taking responsibility for himself.
To heck with being loving partners, consorts or collaboraters. We women are supposed to be disciplinarians and mother hens instead.
To heck with that!"

[guywithashovel]

Just out of curiosity, how is "Mad Men" a better pasttime than video games?

This may be a slight threadjack, but it actually seems to me that we're "overcoming" some of these stereotypes. I put "overcoming" in quotes because I'm just not sure if that's the right word.

For example, I'm coming across a lot of women, most of whom are roughly my age, give or take five years or so (I'm 30), who like a lot of "guy stuff." A young lady I used to work with is originally from Pittsburg and is a die hard Steelers fan. She follows every game during football season and she can talk football facts and figures every bit as well as most male fans. Likewise, there seems to be more female gamers than there used to be. So on and so forth.

Also, I've heard women say their husbands and boyfriends like clothes shopping and other so-called girly things. Maybe we're getting closer to a society where we just don't care about who does what.

As for the controlling wives/girlfriends, they need to accept that their a partner, not the guy's mother. He already has one of those.

[AdminAssistant]

Why can't that chick just go to a friend's house if she's worried about a little noise?

Oh that's right, she probably doesn't have any

Aside from this...she's pretty much a raging bitch. *Very* type A and controlling. Ann, Jennifer, and I got together one morning for coffee to help Ann out with her wedding. Mostly to let her vent, but also offer advice. While I was trying to offer advice for how to save money, knowing that Ann and Keith are saving up for a house and family, Jennifer was practically spouting off bridal magazines, saying that a wedding just isn't "right" without real flowers and that "you should just pay other people to do that for you." Of course, her daddy paid for her wedding, so why should she care?

As for the controlling wives/girlfriends, they need to accept that their a partner, not the guy's mother. He already has one of those.

EXACTLY. Look, it frustrates the hell out of me that Hubby has more...casual..notions of what a clean house is and that he still tries to put the cookware in the dishwasher. But we have adult conversations about it. I'm not out to 'train' him.

[anakhouri]

Husband has a friend with a wife just like that. Friend can only participate in gaming sessions or just hanging with friends when she says it is OK, and permission may be withdrawn at any time. She has thrown away items of importance to him because they referenced 'geeky' stuff she doesn't like. She rules the marriage and everything about the family and house. How in charge is she?

They are building an $800,000 house Friend doesn't want and the construction and location of which goes against all common sense. Sure, she's a doctor and he's a lawyer...but they're both just starting out, have assloads of student loans and will have less money for decades than we will, and we survive on a measly $45,000 a year. But Wife wanted this house, so Wife got this house like she gets everything else she wants because she is a screaming, controlling bitch and Friend is a pussy.

Sorry for the rant. I might make an entire thread just about the Grand House Folly.

I just don't get wanting to change someone to fit your ideal...didn't you fall in love with them the way they are?

[Nekojin]

She has thrown away items of importance to him because they referenced 'geeky' stuff she doesn't like.

A girlfriend who threw out belongings of mine without checking with me would be the next thing thrown to the curb. And if it was a wife, divorce papers would be pending. Not even a marriage entitles someone to disrespect a partner so egregiously.

Thankfully, as Andara has already said, we found people (each other) with compatible hobbies, and even where we don't mesh, we let each other enjoy our hobbies.

[Peppergirl]

What gets me is why the hell these men don't put their foot down? Not 'allowed' to hang with friends or go to game night? Really?!?!

I can just picture my ex-husband's face if I'd have ever tried that shit with him.

[HYHYBT]

The guys were "allowed" to play with their friends for a limited amount of time every week, as specified by the wife. If they went over their allotted time, they caught hell for it.

If you want to be like that, go right ahead... so long as you let him know in uncertain terms just what kind of cow he's getting long before he buys it, so to speak.

Also, I've heard women say their husbands and boyfriends like clothes shopping and other so-called girly things. Maybe we're getting closer to a society where we just don't care about who does what.

That makes good sense. Most of that is socialization anyway, and the fewer gender restrictions on what people are willing to try, the fewer differences in what they wind up liking.

edited to add:

he still tries to put the cookware in the dishwasher.

Wait, is this some special kind of cookware, or is there a reason cookware in general shouldn't be run through the dishwasher? I have a few things that can't be, but I won't buy anything that requires handwashing.

[AdminAssistant]

Non-stick should *never* go in the dishwasher, and neither should good knives. Not to mention cast iron anything, pizza stones, etc. I have a set of Mom's Club aluminum pots from the mid-70's....Those don't need to be run through the dishwasher, they're practically antiques!

[telecom_goddess]

Non-stick should *never* go in the dishwasher, and neither should good knives. Not to mention cast iron anything, pizza stones, etc. I have a set of Mom's Club aluminum pots from the mid-70's....Those don't need to be run through the dishwasher, they're practically antiques!

None of my cookware goes in the dishwasher ever. I've also got good bamboo wooden utensils that never go in there either, and some handmade clay dishes that can't go in there and so on and so on. Pretty soon nothing will go in there .

[tropicsgoddess]

I don't like control freaks and I refuse to become one. I want my fiance to be happy and let him play his games. I play video games too and I don't see anything childish about it. I think it's ridiculous that some women are actually trying to get their men out of doing hobbies that are deemed as childish to conform to their ways.

[MadMike]

those women drive me nuts. if you know what the man is like, and you don't like him how he is, then don't friggan marry him.
people shouldnt be made to feel like they have to be "fixed".

Damn straight! My ex was one of those, and I think the main reason I put up with it was because she was my first serious girlfriend, and I thought that sort of thing was normal.

She kept trying to change everything about me, particularly what sort of clothes I wore, and what kind of music I listened to. And then she'd get pissed when I resisted. She eventually gave up, but she'd still throw a fit if I dared to listen to something in the car that she didn't like if she was along. She said I needed to "compromise." I guess her definition of that word is different from mine. I thought compromise meant that each side gives in a bit, not that one side gives in completely and the other side gets their way.

She would also throw a fit anytime I wanted to go out with my friends. One time, a bunch of us were all hanging out at my one friend's place, and she kept calling over there demanding to know when I was coming home. But if she wanted to go out, she'd do it as often as she wanted and stay out as late as she wanted. Basically, if she had people to hang out with, she could do whatever she wanted, but if she didn't then I couldn't go out either.

And that's just a small piece of that psychotic puzzle.

[blas87]

I don't like anything to do with gaming or any of the sort. But...fuck....if that is a big hobby for someone I'm seeing, fucking GO FOR IT. That gives me plenty of time to shop, get pampered and hang with my brother or my own friends.

Seriously? I had a boyfriend who wanted to do nothing but party, drink as much as humanly possible, etc etc.......and the last one, never wanted to leave the house or do anything with anyone but me. I was made to feel less than human because how DARE I want to work out and pamper myself over spending time with him ALONE sitting around doing nothing but watching movies, and if I said the wrong damn thing, well shit, he'd get silently huffy with me for days.

Fuck, I'd love to date someone whose biggest hobby was gaming. Oh wait, I kinda am right now. And he can do that as often as he wants. That's better than sitting alone in his room hating the world, or getting so wasted he rams his vehicle into a tree.