"We will be there in this your time of need"

[jackfaire]

Almost 11 years ago my dad died. At his memorial every one of his friends showed up people I had known for a long time people that knew me, my brothers, and my sister. People that knew my mom.

They all dropped money into a savings account to help out my mom because while me and my older brother were off doing our own things him the hippy trail me a soldier she still had our younger siblings to raise in their now even more difficult teen years.

Every damn one of them came up to me and my family and swore fucking swore they wouldn't abandon my family after this. They would be around to help out and to care and try to make up for the loss.

That day is the last time we saw any of them. Oh I have bumped into one or two of them and had a very awkward, "Oh hi it's you" conversation with them eyeing their cars and almost running for them. One of them even deigned to invited me to his Facebook page so I can hear him bragging about his kids.

You know what fuck all of you. Fuck you really truly fuck you. I didn't expect any support I didn't expect any help I was an adult with a kid of my own. On top of which I was living in another state on the other end of the country it was obvious I was not going to be close to them. My mom and my siblings they didn't go anywhere. My older brother was still around slipping slowly into madness.

Where the fuck were you?!? Where were you when my sister moved out to get herself knocked up after dropping out of High School? Where will you be if her boyfriend ever walks away?

Where were you when my little brother couldn't deal with our dad's death and became such a horrible person him and my mom almost killed each other. My little brother more literally than her.

Where were you when my mom sold the home my dad bought for them to grow old in together for a lot less than it was worth because the only other option was having the bank take it and living on the streets.

When my older brother was living on the streets of Portland being a street kid and taking things that have left him a paranoid tweaking mess where the fuck were you any of you even to stop by and have a cup of coffee.

Where are you now when my mom struggles with depression and I am the only thing standing between her and losing yet another roof over her head?

So fuck you I don't care what your kids are doing and I don't want you on my goddamn Facebook anymore. I had fucking hoped that maybe you were reaching out maybe you felt bad about breaking your promise to my family. My shattered broken family. Fuck you.

[the_std]

I am truly sorry that you have experienced such trauma and scariness in your family. I, too, have gone through similar transitions where people change in ways you never expected them to after a serious event in the family, and it is very hard to deal with the fall-outs from these changes.

I do find it sad that these people broke their promises to you and your family. It is never easy to find that people have said something in a moment of grief that they didn't mean. However, these people did not make your family react the way they did. They did not drive your brother to drugs, nor your sister to drop out of high school. They did not put your mother in a situation where she did not have enough money to keep the house your father bought.

Yes, they might have been able to allieviate a little bit of the stress involved with the decisions your family made. They might have been a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. But blaming those friends and family for these very hard-to-understand decisions that your family has made is a little short-sighted and speaks of feelings brought about by the grieving process. I went through something very similar, but have now come out the other side to realize that the decisions my friends and family made were their own, and would likely have been made even if there had been intervention - grief does strange things to a person's thought processes.

[jackfaire]

Honestly I know that. I should explain the rant is because one of them sought me out on Facebook asked to friend me and I did so and he proceeded to spend the last year not really talking to me just posting how awesome his life is how great his kids are doing etc.

Never really asking about my family or anything. That's what made me angry. Breaking the promise was one thing stepping back in the picture just to say, "oh and btw my family rocks" feels like a slap in the face.

I know they couldn't necessarily have done much if anything for my family but most of them have the decency to not come back around to brag about their awesome lives.

My life rocks. My siblings not so much my sister's maybe but I can't save them. I can help my mom but I can't save her either. My life is pretty good. It could be better easier even but it's good.

You want to come back and maybe renew a friendship fine. Coming back to brag is low.

[draco664]

You want to come back and maybe renew a friendship fine. Coming back to brag is low.

Dude, it's Facebook. It's all about *me*me*me*me*me*me!

Offering to be friends on FB and thinking about how what you put up on your wall affects others are completely different things. It's entirely probable that he's just posting what is important to him, not considering what it looks like comparing it to a promise he made over a decade ago.

[SkullKing]

Did any of you ever actually asked for help?

[Hyena Dandy]

Did any of you ever actually asked for help?

That's what I was about to say...

'Cause if you ask for help, and they ignored you, that'd be really, really shitty. I mean, seriously.

But if they don't know what's going on in your life, how can they be there for you?

And I really kind of doubt that they added you on Facebook just because they wanted to show off to you. I mean, I know I don't usually add people thinking "I really want to show this person what's going on in my life." Usually it's more "Oh, hey, this person's on Facebook. It'd be nice to get back in touch with them."

Edit: Basically, should they NOT talk about how good their life is on Facebook? Most people I know post updates on Facebook about what's going on. If things are going well, they'll say things are going well.

[jackfaire]

Did any of you ever actually asked for help?

yes. I got laughed at.

[the_std]

They laughed at you? How? I seriously doubt that you said, "Hey, you said you could help us, can you give us a hand with this?" and they said, "Haw haw haw, loser can't take care of his family!"

There has to be another piece to that story.

[SkullKing]

yes. I got laughed at.

Like the_STD I think there is more to the story, usually there is.

But if is this clear cut, fuck them all.

You promise something you stand by your world.

[jackfaire]

I explained how I was struggling to find work to help my mom save the family home. I explained how the company that person worked for was hiring sales people and while the person in charge of interviews had wanted to hire me they had to turn me down because their bosses would not accept anyone without a Bachelor's Degree.

My dad and this family friend worked for that company together. I asked him to at least make a plea on my behalf explain my situation and my qualifications. He was holding back laughter as he told me no he didn't think he could help finding it amusing that anyone without a college degree could think they were actually educated.

After all without that piece of paper any and all knowledge you acquire is actually useless. Something I had essentially heard him say in conversations with my dad for years.