Haaaaargh...sexual frustration and relationships

[Jaden]

Look, don't respond if sexuality makes you uncomfortable. That's something for politics or religion.

I am not a whiny dude. I may vent on here about my problems on occasion, but I make a conscious effort to not be a whiny dude. I know that the so-called "nice guy" passive-aggressive stereotype is not only an archetype that women hate. it's one that I hate as well. I don't pretend I'm anything I'm not. I've been hurt a lot by the relationships I've been in. And I try my absolute best not to be bitter about it. So I resolved long ago, that no matter how awkward I am in general, I would still have the stones to confess my feelings to girls when I felt them. So, no matter my intentions, I tell them directly from the very beginning. Spoilers: usually they're more than a quick roll in the hay. I'm generally looking for full dating relationships, not just quick flings.

And I have. I'm no passive-aggressive "nice guy." I'm always very direct about my intentions. But, at the end of the day, I still end up having a long, sad story filled with sighs about my relationships. And I had a conversation with a girl tonight that I thought might lead to something deeper, but in the end, it didn't add up to much at all. And quite frankly, at this point in my life, I'm willing to settle for the quick fling, and that's never a point I wanted to get to >_<

It's just frustrating to me. I'm not really looking for any advice - I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I'm just venting my own frustration, in a lot of ways. I'm tired and lonely and all that, so if you're tired of my whining, I only ask that you forgive me, and consider this the latest of the thoughts that keep me up at night.

[blas87]

Oh God, you're not whiney at all. You want whiney, as in real whiney for no reason that no one wants to listen to? I can give you the phone number for my ex bf. I'm sure a couple of my former coworkers would enjoy the break from hearing him boo hoo for hours about the same old story over and over again.

I think you're just not having any luck. Pure and simple.

Hang in there. It seems like the love bug just isn't biting for any of us lately.

[Jaden]

Thank you. I'm just trying to move on from former relationships, however I can. And, not gonna lie, I;m pretty drunk right now. Alcohol = social lubricant and all that. It's just frustrating that, as you said, the love bug isn't biting any of us lately. I just kind of wish that at the least the attraction bug would bite other people on occasion about me >_<

I know there are much bigger problems in the world. I know my needs are comparatively miniscule. But they're still there to me, I suppose, and I don't know how to get rid of them =/

[SkullKing]

You are not being whiny, This is a forum to vent.

I understand where you are coming from.

If it helps, maybe your approach, won´t get you many girls, but when you do find one, you will both know you are after the same thing.

Do not underestimate the importance of that.

Good luck.

[Jaden]

Thanks. I do appreciate it =) It's just frustrating...it's been a while since my last relationship. And, well, from when I was 16 up until the end of last year I pretty much had a long string of failed relationships (with like one year off from 2009 - 2010). I don't function well without companionship. It's just been frustrating trying to find that again, of any kind >_< Maybe I've been taking a bit too much solace in alcohol...but I don't drink alone, only with my friends or when we're bar-hopping, and it helps me loosen up, which I could really use. I spent too much of my life repressed.

Anyways, advice is always welcome. I'm just a lonely man, I suppose, and it's been frustrating trying to get back in the game after some of the stuff that's happened to me over the past few years.

[Boozy]

And, well, from when I was 16 up until the end of last year I pretty much had a long string of failed relationships (with like one year off from 2009 - 2010).

Well, as Dan Savage says, all relationships fail until one doesn't. And why consider them "failed"? Some of these relationships and partners probably met an important need in your life at the time. Just because they didn't go the long haul doesn't mean that they failed. They were just meant to be brief.

I don't function well without companionship.

Most people don't. Human beings are social animals. But that doesn't mean that you need a significant other for companionship. Friends, family, and even pets can all fill that void for you. Don't allow yourself to get depressed.

[bara]

Im at the point in my life where I've just stopped looking. Pathetic? Probably. But I figure Ill either find love or I wont, and if I don't Id rather not be burdened with the hardships of failed relationships such as children, alimony, child support and who knows what else.

I've met a few possibles. Was very serious about one of them, and then for no reason at all and no explanation she just stopped answering the phone when I called. Never did find out what happened there and stopped trying, I hope she has found happiness although I do know she got married and the guy showed up at her place of work and they had to call the cops on him because he was abusing her. Found that out from one of her co-worker's husband on a chance encounter at the hardware store. I didn't even recognize the guy as I had only met him once.

Lesson learned? I dont pursue relationships anymore. If a girl decides she wants to date me, she can ask.

PS: I have a dog for companionship.

[Jaden]

Yeah, a lot of people tell me I should just get a dog. I love animals, but I really need human companionship. I take some comfort in my friends...but it's still not enough. I dunno, maybe the problem is entirely on my end and I just need to get over it....

[blas87]

It always happens when you least expect it.

I'm pretty comfortable where I am. I've been seeing someone, but we've been taking things very, very slow. Well, maybe not everything but we both are going to make sure this is what we want before we make everything official. People know we're seeing each other and whatnot, so it's not a secret or anything taboo, but both of us have made the same mistakes over and over with the same type of people.

[guywithashovel]

This is a depressing topic for me. I guess it's one area of life where I haven't been overly successful---or just not successful at all. I've gotten my career up and running. I've purchased a home. I've done some other things that you're "supposed" to do in life. Relationships? I've never been able to master that.

I've tried online dating. I've been on and off of one site for a few years. A few times it has managed to almost annihilate my confidence. I guess you have to look like you could be in a Macy's ad to have any luck with those things.

Honestly, I don't know what else to do. It just doesn't come naturally to me.

[Rapscallion]

A mate of mine tried online dating on and off for a long while. He said he spent over a year, and he noted that many of the people on there were searching for the perfect partner from what he could tell.

A year on and they were either complaining about lack of decent potential partners, all the whilst rejected people, or they were just hanging around chatting. One of the issues is that it's a place with a huge amount of choices, and that's an inherent weakness. The grass could be a better shade of green a mouse click away.

Rapscallion

[telecom_goddess]

I just realized that I've acquired all my relationships except for my first one online. Well no that's not true my second one I found at school. But all the others have been online. But now it's different. People are looking for a perfect mate and that wasn't the case before that I recall.