Wedding planning.

[AdminAssistant]

On this topic, I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. A college friend, who is agnostic but has a Jewish mother, is getting married to a girl from a strict Southern Baptist family. Her father is a preacher, and they're getting married in his church. Now, the girl is nice enough, if sheltered. (Homeschooled, made to live with her parents while she was in college, etc.) But, we've been trying to get her to break out a bit. I just took her for her first drink last weekend, and she's 25-ish. With time and enough "bad influence", she'll be fine.

Her parents though. I haven't even met these people and I already don't like them. Since the wedding is in the Dad's church and they're contributing money, they've placed all kinds of strict rules. For one, they have completely forbidden any kind of Jewish tradition. All the groom's mother wanted was a chuppah (like an awning held over the bride and groom), and to break a glass. TWO requests. The bride's mother eventually relented and allowed something that at least resembles a chuppah, but forbid the breaking of the glass. Since it's a Baptist church, obviously there will be no Hava Nagila (chair dance). I'm tempted to sneak a glass in anyway, and yes, I plan on wishing the groom a happy and LOUD "Mazel tov!"

ETA: I just told my husband the last part, and he said, "Don't do that, the Baptists will attack us with casseroles!"

[Jaden]

ETA: I just told my husband the last part, and he said, "Don't do that, the Baptists will attack us with casseroles!"

If that's the worst they can do, I say let them give it all they've got!

[SongsOfDragons]

The 'like it or lump it' method seems to be the best when dealing with warring factions of a family. I keep telling my housemate to just invite her grandfather and her stepmother, because they both deserve to come, and if one or the other wants to bitch about it to tell them to either suck it and behave or be a whiner and don't come. You're not getting involved in that fight, you're being neutral. And as Chief Bridesmaid I get to tie them to their chairs if they try anything

I've been to a couple of weddings in the last year. They were both really fun and both done on a relative budget - and with no warring families in sight. It was very nice of T, whose wedding it was this year, to come to me after the disco lights had forced me outside in S's wedding last year, and ask me what was iffy with the lights to me so he could tell his DJ what not to do. ^^ It was really nice of him, and the lights were indeed on the ceiling or the floor and all right for me.

[bex1218]

Ah family. At my great uncle's wedding, the bride's family hated us. Never spoke a damn word to us. And wouldn't let us have many pictures with him. And we were his only family. Everyone was pissed off. I was also pissed at my family for another reason. I had to leave the reception early.

If I ever got married, I would probably be in jeans and a nice shirt. I'm sure my grandmother would have a fit.

[HYHYBT]

I believe casseroles are more of a Methodist/Lutheran/Episcopalian sort of thing. At least, I only rarely have seen them at Baptist gatherings, while they seem to turn up in other denominations with some regularity.

[AdminAssistant]

I grew up Southern Baptist and I can assure you that casseroles, as well as fried chicken and other kinds of "home cooking", are very much part of the culture.

[Giggle Goose]

I wish I could offer advice, but I have zero experience.

I can offer homemade challah bread and a nice strong espresso

I'll take some!!!

My mother refused to attend because my father and stepmother were going to be there. It wasn't until the NIGHT BEFORE the ceremony that she finally committed to going.

My dad will be bringing his girlfriend that I've never met (he lives in California and I'm on the east coast). I feel your pain and I am hoping both sides get along.

The one thing I really do not like, is how some businesses will charge extra for ANYTHING "wedding" related.

^^THIS!!! The way I see it, it's just a party that's a little dressed up. Nothing to warrant all the up-charging! Sadly, it's because they know people will usually pay. I think the industry takes total advantage of couples getting married and it's just so wrong. I know it's their right as a business and blah blah whatever, but I reserve the right to think it's price gouging.

All the groom's mother wanted was a chuppah (like an awning held over the bride and groom), and to break a glass. TWO requests. The bride's mother eventually relented and allowed something that at least resembles a chuppah, but forbid the breaking of the glass. Since it's a Baptist church, obviously there will be no Hava Nagila (chair dance). I'm tempted to sneak a glass in anyway, and yes, I plan on wishing the groom a happy and LOUD "Mazel tov!"

That sucks! I want to go to a Jewish wedding just because I think those customs are really awesome and fun.

[MadMike]

An idea I've always wanted to do is two small cakes (his family and my Mom/God Parents), one small tiered cake (for the topper and for the bridal party), and then to have cupcakes.

My oldest friend, who I've known since we were both 5 years old, got married a few years ago, and she sort of did the cupcake thing. It wasn't exactly planned, though. When the baker arrived with the cake, she found out the top had somehow become damaged in transit. So she replaced the top layer with cupcakes. It actually didn't look bad.

The baker recommended by our prospective caterer quoted us $980!!!

Holy hell! I think we paid about $100 for ours. My brother's wife recommended someone for us. She was this nice lady who ran the operation out of her house, and didn't believe in charging people a small fortune. I can't remember what we spent overall, but we had a lot of help along the way. My grandma used to work in a greenhouse, so she and my mom did all the floral arrangements for us for free.

I'm just glad there was no sort of drama, because even without it, the whole thing was pretty stressful. I kind of forgot how stressed out I had been, until a year or so after the wedding, we were visiting my brother, and I saw a notebook that apparently used to be by the phone. The one page had a message on it to my brother from his wife that said, "Your brother called and said he needs help planning this "Damn Wedding.""

[fireheart17]

^^THIS!!! The way I see it, it's just a party that's a little dressed up. Nothing to warrant all the up-charging! Sadly, it's because they know people will usually pay. I think the industry takes total advantage of couples getting married and it's just so wrong. I know it's their right as a business and blah blah whatever, but I reserve the right to think it's price gouging.

I think it's also because of Bride/Groomzillas becoming so petty about things, or adding an extra 100 guests the day before or similar. According to an article I read, someone who DID charge extra for that sort of thing mentioned that sometimes weddings tend to get a bit more rowdy than other events and guests are more likely to upchuck, harass staff, vandalise the property and so on.

The way I see it? If any of those occur, bill them for the damages AFTER the wedding, or get the names of the guests who DID do the damage and bill them

ETA: I remember there being a show on Channel Seven some time ago called "Four Weddings". Basically it's like a wedding version of "Come Dine With Me". One of the contestants apparently had 500+ guests. I kid you not. Another one had a Lord of The Rings theme. Ok, theming it is fine....if you keep the actual theme consistent throughout EVERYTHING. Pretty much the "theme" consisted of their cake being designed to resemble a scene or something from the films and the ringbearer dressed up as Gollum (who refused to hand the rings over and the celebrant played along...). That was it. If you're going to do a theme, at least throw in some more elements!

[AdminAssistant]

I think it's also because of Bride/Groomzillas becoming so petty about things, or adding an extra 100 guests the day before or similar.

What's funny about that is my venue absolutely bent over backwards for me, gave me a great deal on both the conference room and their nicest suite, and was generally extremely accommodating. It paid off for them since I had 70 people walk in that room who otherwise wouldn't have. 2 of those people have since held events there. So, the deal that they cut me has already paid for itself.

That was it. If you're going to do a theme, at least throw in some more elements!

The LOTR wedding you described actually sounds very cute. Lots of people sprinkle themed elements throughout the event, without being very heavy handed. We didn't have a "theme" beyond "stuff Admin and Hubby love." That included a Mario/Princess cake topper, a Futurama-meme groom's cake, lots of electronica (Prelude was "4 am" by Kaskade), lots of anime references (we said, "I believe in the you that believes in me" at the end of our vows and walked out to "San Francisco" from Samurai Champloo). I'm sure other people thought it was a mess, but we thought it was awesome, so screw them.

[draco664]

We've thought about eloping or having a very small wedding with only our closest friends and family joining, but they've forbidden it.

Huh? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is your wedding right? Why wasn't your response "piss off, forbid stuff at your own wedding"?

[insertNameHere]

I'm getting to the age where I need to get my big kid job and get married. I fucking hate the thought of planning a wedding. My parents hate the current gf loved the psycho ex, really wondering if my mom had any truth to the if your gf was here, and 250,000 was here if you never saw her again what would you choose? I mean previously I was told don't worry about looking for a ring when I get married have plenty of jewelry from deceased relatives. Few months ago I mentioned maybe getting something for the gf and my mom stated along of the lines of "No fucking way she wearing anything of MNE".

Really can't understand why they hate my faithful gf who waited while I was gone in training, does her best to motivate me when I feel like complete shit. But pretend they don't bring up my ex who was an amazing cook and baked them shit all the time but left me to go fuck a couple and then their roommate, who wouldn't help me in anyway when it came to finding a job when she was going to school for human resources and probably could have easily told me where I was fucking up.

[Andara Bledin]

You don't "need to" get married.

You can choose to get married. You can want to get married. You can want to get married just to shut other people up (an amazingly bad decision, that). You can decide to get married because you really do want to share the rest of your life with someone you love.

And if you don't want to plan a wedding, then don't. Grab a couple of friends, throw your parents a "it's going to be this time at this courthouse" invite and get it done on your own terms. Provided, of course, that your future wife is cool with that idea.

It's your day. Don't let other people ruin it for you by dictating their own terms unless they also agree to do all of the planning and funding of the stuff they insist you have and you choose to agree to do whatever it is that they throw at you.

Sure, you can decide that there are some customs or traditions you'll include just because it'll make someone else happy, but that you don't care about, but that's because making them happy makes you happy; not because they're essentially blackmailing you into doing things their way because they'll act like a bunch of entitled assholes if you don't.

^-.-^

[fireheart17]

Sure, you can decide that there are some customs or traditions you'll include just because it'll make someone else happy, but that you don't care about, but that's because making them happy makes you happy; not because they're essentially blackmailing you into doing things their way because they'll act like a bunch of entitled assholes if you don't.

Ugh, don't remind me about this.

My parents are/were Uniting Church born and raised, while my boyfriend's parents are/were Pentecostal (although the "church" they joined was more or less cult-like). At weddings, the only "religous" element that comes up is the usual verses that are read out by the celebrants (such as the Corinthians).

I plan on keeping it simple-ish: less than 100 guests (especially since my side of the family is MUCH bigger than my boyfriends, I'm restricting it to the family members I actually see and that's it).

I think my cousin started a new tradition though: at her wedding, she had an egg timer with the speeches so they didn't run for too long. Her little sisters were the bridesmaids and I think another of her friends was the maid-of-honour.

Another family member had the priest ask the bride's two children if they consented to the union (IIRC, wife was Catholic so I'm not sure if this is part of it. I don't see the two kids now though)

Hands down one of the more slightly unusual weddings was held at a German restaurant called Weinstadl. It was a second wedding (and they're still together). Bride wore a nice outfit, bridesmaid (her daughter) wore a cute dress, her son was the groomsman and late cousin was the best man. The actual wedding was held on the grounds, while the reception was inside.
I actually surprised one of the guests afterwards (who had 2 children a couple of years younger than my sister) when said "You're <dad>'s daughter? You're so tall!"

[Nyoibo]

Pretty much the "theme" consisted of their cake being designed to resemble a scene or something from the films and the ringbearer dressed up as Gollum (who refused to hand the rings over and the celebrant played along...). That was it. If you're going to do a theme, at least throw in some more elements!

Claude, the guy who runs the medieval group I'm with had a medieval theme for his wedding strangely enough, themes are fun, themes that involve drunken air guitar with swords, more so.

I want I viking/medieval themed wedding, meat mead and much drunken revelry, although I'm thinking that swords may need to be checked at the door.