Fuck Inspiration Porn

[Eisa]

I really don't know where this should go exactly, but well, it IS something I hate, so there you have it.

I can't stand inspiration porn. Inspiration porn is shit like this: inspiration porn

I realize most people mean well, but it's still fucking annoying.

Yay, disabled people can do perfectly ordinary things, and you get to emblazon captions across it that say shit like "What's your excuse?" "Your excuse is invalid," etc.

A--People who are not disabled can have perfectly valid reasons why they are not capable of doing something. It does not mean that they are lazy or coming up with excuses. Fuck off.

B--If someone who wasn't disabled did that particular thing, would it still be so noteworthy that it's an "inspirational picture?" If it wouldn't be, why the fuck are you using it as one?

C--Way to set up the whole "well, your life might be shitty, but at least you aren't DISABLED!" thought.

D--Which also means you're acting like disabled people have absolutely horrible lives that no one would ever want. Which isn't true. I mean, yes, I have shit-tastic days, I know everybody does. But for most people with disabilities, it's not true their lives are 100% fucking awful. They're like...everybody else's days. Only with a disability to deal with, as well.

And, well, this. She says it far better than I ever could:

Inspiration porn shames people with disabilities. It says that if we fail to be happy, to smile and to live lives that make those around us feel good, it's because we're not trying hard enough. Our attitude is just not positive enough. It's our fault. Not to mention what it means for people whose disabilities are not visible, like people with chronic or mental illness, who often battle the assumption that it's all about attitude. And we're not allowed to be angry and upset, because then we'd be "bad" disabled people. We wouldn't be doing our very best to "overcome" our disabilities.

From: "We're Not Here For Your Inspiration"

[Mishi]

Thank you! That is something that has been bugging me for a while, but I couldn't word it quite nearly as neatly.

[BlaqueKatt]

and for severely depressed people, it can make it worse by ramping up the negative feedback loop, "wow, you have all your abilities, and you're more pathetic than a quadruple amputee." Nevermind that the quadruple amputee had to learn to overcome their obstacles, and may have had better support than the depressed person. It's a form of fundamental attribution error. When I was borderline suicidal because of my situation, I had someone throw an "inspirational story" about a quadruple amputee doing some stuff most "normal people" couldn't or wouldn't accomplish in my face, with a trite "look at what this person did, you just aren't trying, get over it.", and they couldn't understand why I was more upset, because they also suffered from depression and were able to overcome it, so why couldn't I?, I was just "wallowing in self pity, and "an attention whoring drama llama". Yup came very close to pushing me over the edge, thankfully someone else pulled me back from the brink. Of course a few people think they've been somehow "proven right" that I'm just attention seeking, by "calling me out" because I no longer talk about anything, because it wouldn't occur to them that all they've actually succeeded in doing is to make me feel even more isolated, and proven to me that it's not at all safe to say anything without feeling attacked. Yes I'm aware of it, no I'm not ok being this withdrawn, but I can't deal with the attacks.

I personally get upset when I see stories like this, yes it's a "nice story", but to me it's almost horrific to think that this is such a huge deal that it makes news, it's says to me that humans consider those with disabilities doing something a "normal" person would to be extraordinary enough to deserve a news story, or that people treating a disabled person as "normal", is somehow special or near-heroic. It shouldn't be special enough to be splashed all over, it should be mundane, because it should be normal, not exceptional.

[crashhelmet]

I can understand where the feelings of being insulted or shamed are coming from, but it's not the intention of these ads. There are too many people out there that think their lives are over because they're disabled or play the "I'm helpless so you have to give me special treatment" disabled card for everything they can get.

For these types of people, I will post these signs and slogans everywhere around them.

When I was 15, I destroyed my ankle. Literally. The Talus (ankle bone) was in pieces and my Tibia and Fibula (Leg bones) were sitting on top of my Calcaneus (heel bone). I had my ankle reconstructed with a plate and 8 screws.

Doctors were telling me I'd never run again, I'd be lucky to walk "normally" again, and I'd never participate in sports or martial arts ever again.

My ankle wasn't the only thing that shattered that day. My hopes and life long dream of going into the military did too.

I spent a about a year and a half in a self-loathing depression. I saw myself as a cripple, as a failure, and as a burden to those around me. The only reason I didn't kill myself is I'm Catholic and it's a Grave Sin. I spent that time looking for reasons not to do it and for signs from God, while trying any and all drugs I could, doing everything I shouldn't be doing, and just not caring about anything.

It was one of my best friends that made me feel like I did matter to people and helped to show me that i could overcome it all and lead a "normal" life. I cleaned up, continued to do the necessary exercises and therapy treatments on my own, and worked through the pain. Not only was I walking "normally" but I was running again by the time I graduated high school.

I earned the ranking of Ni-Dan (2nd Degree Black belt) in Shotokan when I was 19. Earned my Silver Sash in Krabi Krabong when I was 20. I spent my 29th birthday in China, living and training with the monks at the Shaolin Temple. Until my most recent knee injury, I had been training to run the Tough Mudder

My ankle isn't perfect. Just looking at it, you can see there's something wrong with it. it looks bent, my foot is rotated about 20 degrees to the right (makes skiing and rollerskating a real bitch), and I have Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, which causes it to "go numb" every once in a while.

Coming from a long line of United States Marines, one phrase that has echoed in my head for as long as I can remember is "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome."

There's a lot you can do and overcome when you stop the self-deprecation, self-defeat, and self-pity.

[BlaqueKatt]

For these types of people, I will post these signs and slogans everywhere around them.

yup because everyone's circumstances are exactly the same as yours/the people in the posters.

There's a lot you can do and overcome when you stop the self-deprecation, self-defeat, and self-pity.

and again with the judging by your standards/circumstances-which is fundamental attribution error.

Not everyone has support*, trainers, therapy(physical, or emotional).

your comparing someone's begining to someone else's end and cutting out all the struggle, training, wanting to give up, giving up and going back to it later.... and saying "see look that double amputee climbed mount Everest, you only have arthritis/fibromyalgia/severe clinical depression-stop wallowing in pity."

also a severe debilitating injury does cause someone to go through the stages of grief, and every person grieves differently, your basically saying "nope your grieving process isn't progressing quickly enough for me so I'm going to berate you, and make you feel worse rather than being supportive."


*the people from CS and fratching that accused me of "wallowing in self pity", judged me by their situation which is not even close to mine. Also I have absolutely no support, of any kind.

[Nekojin]

Agreed. Crashhelmet's description of his approach is a rather wordy way of saying, "Get over it, already," which is in no way helpful.

[the_std]

I wouldn't classify crashhelmet's response as "In no way helpful", because it is helpful to people like him; people who need the kick in the pants and have the support network to get their lives going again.

My problem with this kind of situation is that there is no one good answer because people deal with different situations differently. This type of "inspiration porn" was partially manufactured for people who have no disabilities, so they see this story, think "Good for them", get a small warm fuzzy feeling, and then move on with their lives.

Others, like BK and the OP, find it extremely unhelpful because it causes other people to compare situations which should not be compared. The people who have told you guys to "get over it" see a situation such as is described in the aforementioned porn and think that the TV situation is the same as everything for everyone, which is not the case and harms the people on the receiving end of the comparison.

Still others, like crashhelmet, find this material and its ilk to be effective - they are able to use it as a platform to make the necessary changes in their lives to improve their situation.

So, in conclusion, you guys are acting like it's supposed to be a one-size-fits-all bandaid that doesn't work. That's not true; it simply doesn't work for you.

[BlaqueKatt]

Still others, like crashhelmet, find this material and its ilk to be effective - they are able to use it as a platform to make the necessary changes in their lives to improve their situation.

no

It was one of my best friends that made me feel like I did matter to people and helped to show me that i could overcome it all and lead a "normal" life.

that had nothing to do with anything other than getting support from a friend, nothing at all to do with "inspiration porn", he uses it as a club to beat people over the head while shouting "get over it"

There are too many people out there that think their lives are over because they're disabled or play the "I'm helpless so you have to give me special treatment" disabled card for everything they can get.

For these types of people, I will post these signs and slogans everywhere around them.

[Eisa]

Erm...yep, I agree entirely with BlaqueKatt, having a friend's support is entirely different from inspiration porn somehow inspiring you to "get over it."

I don't have any professional support right now at all. I have some friends, but they have their own problems, I can't just dump all of my problems on them. While I'm dealing with clubfeet, arthritis in my feet (oh, and my talus bones are fused in the wrong places), complex PTSD, depression, social anxiety, recurrent disordered eating, gastroparesis, migraines, and a dissociative disorder. By myself.

So, you know. There is no excuse? I'm wallowing in self pity? Fuck you, I can barely get out of bed half the time.

[Andara Bledin]

I like how the personal story is about having a friend, and then instead of passing on the idea of being that friend for someone else, they just go straight to the badgering without offering any personal support.

^-.-^

[crashhelmet]

So, you know. There is no excuse? I'm wallowing in self pity? Fuck you, I can barely get out of bed half the time.

Neither could I. I still have mornings where my entire body feels like it was in a car wreck while I slept. Where there slightest turns or movements brings new pain. The ankle is just the tip of the iceberg as far as my body is concerned. There are still my knees, my back, my shoulder, and my hand. When the weather goes to freezing temperatures, the only thing I'm good for is a paperweight or a door stop. But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I get up and continue on.

I bet people like Dennis Byrd had trouble getting out of bed too. Had problems with depression and self-worth.

I bet this person had problems too.

What about Oscar Pistorious?

Yes, I had a physical therapist. For 12 weeks after the cast came off. After that, it was all on me. I had to be the one to continue going. For a long time, I didn't want to. I didn't want to continue my rehab. I didn't want to continue my life.

Yes, I had the support of a friend. One single friend, out of a large group, that took the time to show me that I mattered. That i had other things in my life I could do. How is she any different than inspirational porn? The only difference is your opinion and how willing you are help yourself.

Tell me you're doing EVERYTHING that you can to better your situation. Tell me that you haven't given up and said "fuck it." Tell me that when that pain sets in, you get up and work through it like I and so many others do.

I also know what it's like to wake up in the morning on my son's birthday and work to convince myself that I didn't fail him. That I did everything I possibly could to get him out of state custody. That signing away my rights so that he could be adopted was the best thing for him. And then I have to remind myself of that every time I see him as I fight the urge to drive my truck off the side of the mountain when driving home.

Don't think for one second that I don't know what pain is. That I don't know what depression is. That I don't know what self-loathing and self-deprecation is. That I don't know what it feels like to think about the multiple ways I could kill myself and end it all.

The difference is I refuse to let it beat me.

[Rageaholic]

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude".



Ah the unfortunate implications of such trite statements.

This sounds right out of that new age spirituality crap ("The secret"). It sounds like I'm not the only one sick of that "open minded" woo woo bullshit.

[Andara Bledin]

Yes, I had the support of a friend. One single friend, out of a large group, that took the time to show me that I mattered.

That, alone, is a more than most people have. And while you appear more than willing to rub your own (and others') successes in the face of those without such a vital resource, you don't seem interested in acknowledging that your situation is not theirs.

How is she any different than inspirational porn?

I'm baffled that someone can't grasp the difference between the presence of a human being proving that they care and trite phrases saying that the people who don't just "get over it" are "losers" or "have only themselves to blame."

The only difference is your opinion and how willing you are help yourself.

Bullshit. You said yourself that you had a friend there to help you through it. The friend is the difference, not the attitude of those who don't have such a friend.

Don't think for one second that I don't know what pain is. That I don't know what depression is. That I don't know what self-loathing and self-deprecation is. That I don't know what it feels like to think about the multiple ways I could kill myself and end it all.

You know what your pain is. You know what your depression is. You know what your hurdles were like.

I'm not handicapped, depressed, or in pain to any notable degree, but as someone who has been that friend, your callous disregard for the fact that others can't just "man up" without the same advantage you admit that you had to be quite dismissive and, honestly, a large part of the problem.

^-.-^

[Nekojin]

You've learned entirely the wrong lesson, Crashhelmet. Or at least, didn't learn all of the lessons that your situation offered you.

Instead of being the "I did it, anyone can do it," preachy bastard, you should look to your friend as an example. What they did, and how they did it, to pull you out of your funk. You need to learn how to be that friend to someone else. Because your arrogant declarations are so far away from that, it's frightening.

[the_std]

I had no idea this subject could incite such vitriol among a group of people as level-headed as Fratching seems to be. I am going to bow out of the discussion, because I obviously don't understand where this froth is coming from and therefore will not be able to discuss this on a rational level with y'all.