"You need to have hope"

[smileyeagle1021]

I am growing to hate that sentence. Seriously, what is there hope for? I have no experience in my field, looking for a job in the worst job market sinse the 30s, and too much education to settle for a lower paying job to make things work (not that I haven't tried, but employers have told me point blank that they did not want someone who would bolt as soon as the economy improves... which means they have a lot more hope for the future than I do). Speaking of the economy improving, it hasn't improved in the last 5 years, why should I think that will magically change?
And being told that I'm a great person... by what standard?
I'm not physically attractive, I'm not in good physical shape, hell, I'm a fat lazy bastard. I'm fat enough that even as a straight man I'd be in trouble, but as a gay man, I might as well have boils. I have a husband who loves me despite this, but very few gay people want to be friends with the fat gay couple... unless we were crazy hat ladies or had some other quirk to make up for it, but no, we are average run of the mill guys, and the gay community is just as fucking shallow as our critics accuse us of being.
So, I'm not a great person by that standard, how about my skills as a member of society... oh, that's right, I'm a looter... I survive off of other people's work, and nothing I have done has even come close to changing that, so definitely not a great person by that standard.
I'm not religious, I can't say that I'm a good person because God loves me.
The people who's job it is to tell if someone has worth have all agreed that I don't, so why should I differently?

I'm seriously getting to the point that I am not selfish enough to end my life but not strong enough to keep living.

[Andara Bledin]

At the heart of if, the person who knows best if you are a good person or not is you. Letting other people decide that is, honestly, a cop out for making that assessment for yourself. And if there's things about yourself that you don't like, it's up to you to do something about it.

Fuck other people's judgements.

By your stated standards, I'm a worthless person, too. I'm fat. I'm in a dead-end job with zero room for advancement (that I've held for 16 years, at that). I don't have any quirks to "make up" for being part of an unattractive couple (the boyfriend is fatter than I am).

If you use other people's yardsticks for success, you will almost always come up short. it's not worth it. Make your own yardstick, or make one with your husband.

As I said at the beginning, you're the only person who can judge whether or not you are a good person or a failure, and if you think of yourself as a failure, then why would you expect others to not assume you know best?

Alternately, if you believe people who say you're worthless, then why the hell don't you also believe the ones that say you're a good person? Particularly when the ones that say the latter are much more likely to actually know you.

This is your life. Figure out what standards are reasonable and then make it happen. Or don't. But don't let other people dictate your standards for you.

^-.-^

[Teysa]

To paraphrase what a co worker of mine said recently, you can always change your outer appearance. (Yes, it will take time, but it's possible.) How you are on the inside is what counts. You come across as a very likable person, Smiley. I know you had a lot of frustrations with the relay job, but you also showed a lot of compassion and decency. This shows me that you're a better person than you give yourself credit for.