"I am in need of space."

[the_std]

I disagree. I've turned down people after first dates plenty of times. Mostly I was bored by them and didn't feel any real connection. Even people who I was physically attracted to, if their personalities and mine didn't sync, I felt no reason to try again. If I'm not going home thinking about you and hoping you'll call/text me again, there is no chance I'm going to accept a second date.

[guywithashovel]

If you couldn't get a second date with someone, maybe you committed one of the offenses presented in the book Undateable. It's written by two manhaters who decided to air out all their dirty laundry on why some guys aren't worthy of being loved. VH1 even has a series on this. Here are some of the things listed in that book that (supposedly) make guys undateable. I'm really not kidding about this.

100. Man Shakes
99. Blue Tooth
98. Wrong Sheets
97. Mandanas
96. Tanks & Sleeveless Ts
95. Arm Wrestling In Public
94. “The Blank –STER”
93. Vanity Plates
92. Quoting Lines From Movies
91. Unfortunate Ties
90. Cell Phone On The Waist
89. Sports Cliches
88. The Flatulence Trifecta
87. Ordering Wine @ Stadium
86. Online TMI
85. Pleated Pants
84. Embellished Jeans
83. Rearrange Junk / Butt Pick
82. Sports Jerseys
81. Dirty Car
80. Aggressive Sport Fans
79. Murse
78. Whining
77. Jorts & Japris
76. Air Guitar
75. *****
74. Fake Swearing
73. Hawaiian Shirts
72. Overly Creative Voice Mail
71 Names For Breast
70. Listening To Lite FM
69. Skullwear
68. Speaking In Cartoon Voice
67. Can’t Throw Ball
66. Pet Names for Penis
65. Crocs
64. Pitted Out Shirts
63. Booya
62. Tap That / Hit That
61. Playing Dungeons & Dragons
60. Going Shirtless In Public
59. Owning Nunchucks
58. Bling
57. Stupid Tees
56. Bad Dancing
55. Busting Out Porn Too Soon
54. Biker Shorts
53. Talking About Video Games
52. Bro-Code
51. “Moist”
50. Leather Pants
49. Crotch Grab
48. Holiday Sweaters
47. Bad Table Manners
46. Cut Off Shorts
45. Penis Enlargement
44. Frequenting Gun Range
43. Tacky Texting
42. Chain Wallet
41. Getting Drunk On a Plane
40. Disturbing Laugh
39. Lame Pick Lines
38. Open-Mouth Breathing
37. Excessive Ed Hardy
36. Burping Loudly & Proudly
35. Owning A Van
34. Baby Talk
33. Dad Jeans
32. Hairy Back, Neck & Nose
31. Eminem-Speak
30. Wimpy Drinker
29. Double Demin
28. Bicep & Calf Implants
27. The Pregnant Man
26. Speedos
25. Bad Driver (Sissy/Rage)
24. Attending Geek Conventions
23. Talking in Third Person
22. Riding A Contraption
21. Moobs
20. Guy Lights
19. Bringing glove to a game
18. Tighty Whities
17. Bad Facial Hair
16. Gross Nails
15. Not paying on a first date
14. Dirty Hair
13. Fur Coats
12. Bald Denial
11. Steroids
10. Creepily into mom
9. Excessive Manscaping
8. Hock a Loogie & Snot Rockets
7. Mandals with Socks
6. The "V" Gesture
5. Bustin' a Sag
4. Plastic Surgery
3. Chewing Tobacco
2. Talking About Your Ex
1. The "C" Word

I have a feeling these are people Huckster was talking about.

[RedRoseSpiral]

There are quite a few things on that list that would be a deal breaker for me, and I'm far from a "manhater".

[guywithashovel]

That's not even the entire list. The entire list is 311 items, and most of them are quite petty. For example, owning a cat is one of them. Two more are wearing pleated slacks and owning a holiday sweater. Oh, and if you have a pair of nun chucks, you're also undateable.

[Nekojin]

Let's see. I definitely fail #'s 24, 53, 61 (well, not recently), and 92. I may fail #'s 21, 30, 57, and 98 (depending on specifics), and I've certainly considered 99.

Sorry, Andara, guess I'm just un-date-able. You'll have to dump me for some finer, non-geek specimen.

[Andara Bledin]

Sorry, Andara, guess I'm just un-date-able. You'll have to dump me for some finer, non-geek specimen.

Ha! You're not getting rid of me that easily!

Hell, 24, 53, 61 and 92 are on the plus side, as far as I'm concerned.

^-.-^

[Ginger Tea]

Captain dickhead wanted me to join him speed dating on a few occasions (afaik he never wen't in the end and I was meant to be morral support, fine if he covered the £30 door fee)

My grievence with the concept is that I can't find out anything about anyone in such a short time and my appearance at the time would have had me crossed off the list before I sat down, I grow on people, but I also have to warm up to them too, but I could never see anyone sane wanting to date me and anyone who did want to date me, well I don't stick my dick in crazy.

That list, without posting my fails or counting them, I'm sure it's a high double figure.
Some dates are like job interviews, where you wear a mask of who you want them to see in order to get the job, not the employee you will be, I don't interview well, but when grabbed randomly from an agency pool and given a task, I do that task and prove my worth.

So pretending to be someone else or being too formal can hinder anything, but being too full on yourself can be just as damaging in a too much too soon kinda way.

[fireheart17]

Warning: Super, Super Long

Let's see.....from that list...a number of those are just WTF?




100. Man Shakes: Do they mean milkshakes made from men, someone who's into drinking milkshakes or someone who just can't stop shaking...or do they mean someone dancing around singing "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?"
93. Vanity Plates-in between because a vanity plate can work if done tastefully.
If it's something like your own name I can understand, but something like "Big Stud" just makes me go
92. Quoting Lines From Movies (my boyfriend does this)
91. Unfortunate Ties-Do they mean the clothing, the relationships or....?
89. Sports Cliches-quotes, actions or...?
88. The Flatulence Trifecta-can someone explain this to me?
87. Ordering Wine @ Stadium-I don't see anything wrong with this one.
86. Online TMI:
81. Dirty Car-Maybe if they didn't get it washed....
79. Murse: Do they mean the messenger bag?
77. Jorts & Japris: I assume that they mean the denim shorts and denim capris...
72. Overly Creative Voice Mail-define "overly creative"
71 Names For Breast: maybe once the relationship is solid and YMMV...
70. Listening To Lite FM: I'm assuming this is a US thing...
67. Can’t Throw Ball: I disagree with this. What about people with disabilities? They need love
66. Pet Names for Penis: like Princess Sophia?
64. Pitted Out Shirts: explain?
61. Playing Dungeons & Dragons: boo....
57. Stupid Tees: This either refers to "I'm With Stupid" or some variant of, or t-shirts that advocate drinking.
56. Bad Dancing: YMMV.
55. Busting Out Porn Too Soon: like how soon?
54. Biker Shorts: what if he actually cycles?
53. Talking About Video Games: boo.
46. Cut Off Shorts: I didn't realise those actually existed for guys...
44. Frequenting Gun Range: nothing wrong with this?
43. Tacky Texting: define "tacky".
42. Chain Wallet: "You look like a barista!"
39. Lame Pick Lines-I'm assuming they mean "pick up" lines
33. Dad Jeans: define?
32. Hairy Back, Neck & Nose: What's wrong with this?!
26. Speedos: on the right guy, it works.
24. Attending Geek Conventions: nothing wrong with this :P
20. Guy Lights: please explain?
15. Not paying on a first date: I prefer to go 50-50 if I can.
9. Excessive Manscaping: I'm assuming they mean between the legs...
6. The "V" Gesture: as in the peace sign, or the peace sign and licking between the "v"
4. Plastic Surgery: What about legitimate cases? (i.e. bad car accident)
2. Talking About Your Ex: admittedly I still do this

[TheHuckster]

I have a feeling these are people Huckster was talking about.

Yeah, although I wouldn't necessarily call all of the petty people "manhaters" (especially since it's not only women who are petty and picky) but rather just overly-idealistic. They are looking for a significant other who has no flaws.

Sometimes people have even contradicting qualities. I know someone who dumped a girlfriend who hated chick flicks, loved paintball, watching ESPN, and was into cars... all of which were qualities he truly adored about her. When asked why he dumped her, he said she was too much of a tomboy.

He continues to look for someone who loves those things yet isn't a tomboy... whatever the hell that means.

[crashhelmet]

Sweet jeebus! That list is shallow enough to walk across.

I love the double standard that's involved in that list. If men took that list and applied it to women either directly, or by taking the female counter-part to it, they'd catch the worst of all 9 levels of Hell.

Tighty Whities / Granny Panties
Talking About Video Games / Talking About The Bachelor, Real Housewives, or whatever
Nunchucks / Stuffed Animals?
Moobs / No boobs?
Pregnant man / Do you ever dare mention a woman's body fat?

[Andara Bledin]

Honestly, the fact that they use the terms "murse" and "mandana" is a deal-breaker in my book.

He continues to look for someone who loves those things yet isn't a tomboy... whatever the hell that means.

He wants someone whose girly but still has those interests. They're out there. She made great best bud material, but didn't have what he needed for her to make it to girlfriend material. It happens.

[Nekojin]

I went and looked at the linked book page. Some of the items on their list are contradictory, such as, "Having a good relationship with your mother," and, "having a bad relationship with your mother." WTF? Do they only date people whose parents have died, or something?

[TheHuckster]

He wants someone whose girly but still has those interests. They're out there. She made great best bud material, but didn't have what he needed for her to make it to girlfriend material. It happens.

If you saw her, you'd totally disagree... she was still a "girly-girl" in many ways. It seemed the very attributes he loved about her he also disliked about her, too.

It's hard to explain, but it's as if he were thinking, "I love that she watches football with me, but when she talks about football, it's a turn off." So, if you know a woman who loves to watch football, but doesn't talk about it, let me know.

[guywithashovel]

Yes, "Dad Jeans" are on the list. I've heard some people complain about men wearing them, but to be perfectly honest, I've never gotten a clear definition for the term. Even after Googling it, I'm still not completely sure.

I went and looked at the linked book page. Some of the items on their list are contradictory, such as, "Having a good relationship with your mother," and, "having a bad relationship with your mother." WTF? Do they only date people whose parents have died, or something?

The list is quite contradictory. On one hand, they ridicule men who enjoy stereotypically manly activities like sports and the watching of them, and in the next breath they show the same scorn for men who do stereotypically girlie things like owning cats. It's like they want men to be totally androgynous. Also, why is the idea of a man having a cat so controversial? Women who own dogs don't seem to have to put up with the same derision.

As for people being too picky and turning people down after first dates, I guess sometimes you might get some bad vibes on the first date that will completely freeze out any desire for a second. But the person who said (and I think it was Huckster again) that you're both usually very inhibited on your first date makes a very good point.

Also, I think that the pickier you are, the less leeway you have for complaining about being lonely and not being able to find anyone---even though you have a right to be picky. For example, if a guy decides he only likes women who look like the models in Maxim and Playboy, he's free to feel that way, but he's probably going to be a lonely guy. Likewise, if a woman decides she's going to reject any guy who is under a certain height or who just isn't a carbon copy of whatever goofy character Matthew McConaughey played in the latest cheesy romantic comedy, she's likely going to have a lot of lonely nights on the couch with primetime TV and Facebook.

[KitterCat]

I hate the "just friends" line so so much.

I have never understood why the line “lets just be friends” is so offensive to guys. * What do you want the person to do? Tell you to piss off? Your not worth their time you piece of junk while stomping on the homemade valentine you made for her? At least then you would have a legitimate complaint about how they broke up with you and broke your heart.

Maybe its just me, but I’ve never understood why being just friends is so hard. And I do understand that if you have gone out it does change the dynamic to the relationship if one half doesn’t want to get anymore romantically involved, but one doesn’t have to completely forgo a relationship as a friend.

About the only time I’ve gotten any feedback from a guy on this was basically him telling me woman who said “they just want to be friends” weren’t interested in furthering the romantic part of the relation ship so he didn’t want to hang out with them anymore. I cant help but think if all your looking for is "romance" and not a friendship, your not looking for a relationship, your looking for a whore.

Am I misreading this or is this commonplace? Could some of the guys give me their reasoning for hating the line, because I just don’t get it.



*Yes I understand girls get it to, but mostly I hear men complaining about it.